lofi_tokyo Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 This is long, and its me being insane, so feel free to read over it. I don't know why, but I decided to talk to my ex tonight. I think between him trying to contact me, me stumbling across his photos... I just like decided to test my heart out. Where am I? Well, though I still feel twangs of pain outside of contacting my ex, right now its good! First off, I'm a waitress. When shifts would get ****ty, my first move was ALWAYS to focus on my ex. As if he was some kind of strength for me. Since the breakup, busy shifts have literally rotted my core. BUT!! For whatever reason today, I didn't think of him at work!!! And I was stressed to high hell! I actually would even say I liked being stressed! I can't explain it... it was so out of the normal, but WOW it felt wonderful! So maybe thats why I contacted him, because like.... I'm on a feel good trip? We're talking, its kind of boring chit chat, but you know what? I am DEFINITELY living my life more than him and that feels frickin' sweet! He even bought up his new girlfriend, said her name - which a month ago was crippling, but I honestly did not care. In fact, he had asked me about my Halloween, which I sincerely enjoyed, and after telling him about it, thats when he threw in her name. Almost like... he wanted to push her in there as some sort of counter to my fun. I can't explain it, but I saw right through it, and that just made me NOT EVEN CARE if hes dating her! His exact words about her were: him: i just hung out with ______ and pretty much played games him: which is about all we do me: oh well as long as thats what makes you happy, right? him: yepp I don't know why I derive so much happiness from that but like. Its amazing. I have been forcing myself to live my life to get over my ex. In doing that, I've accomplished so much! And this whole time I've been thinking "yeah but hes probably so happy right now and enjoying his life so much". Well... maybe he is, but my definition, its LAME and thats all I need! He doesn't even have a job! Hes going into debt I'm sure if hes taking her out to dinner. THe only thing I suppose that makes me unhappy is his parents must know her decently now, they've probably taken her out for dinner many times. Shes replaced me in the family. She gets to play with his super cute dog. Ick. Okay, thats not so nice. lol But otherwise, I feel good. I ended our convo as such: Me: by the way, and I don't know how to say this other than to say it so.. Me: thanks for breaking up and staying strong. we needed to break up. it sucked. lol ME: now, we can be friends, chit chat, and live our lives Him: yeah, thats the plan Him: havent seen you on in a while Him: but we'll chat Me: yup bye Hes been trying to talk to me a lot lately. Aim/MSN only. No calls. So I know its not paining him but... tonight, I feel like a winner. And more importantly, no part of my conversation with him was faked. When I mentioned happy bits of my day, I was sincerely happy for myself, it wasn't some lie like before when I wanted him back. Even me saying us being together sucked. Yup, in the last few months it did, and BOY am I glad have gone through a painful breakup and be here, than be with him and be where I was. Maybe he feels the same? I dunno. I'm so happy right now. Life is amazing. My ex? Not so much. ;p
Nemo Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 I hope you're not kidding yourself. I wonder this to myself, because you don't seem like a difficult person to fool, and I think even you could do it. These comparisons of your exciting life versus his almost-as-exciting life aren't that useful. It's almost as if you feel that you have something to prove. Anyway, it's great that you are feeling good, and are optimistic about the future. Because you should be. You're learning a lot about yourself, and that can only be a good sign for you and the next lucky guy.
Author lofi_tokyo Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 I definately had something to prove to myself. I felt like he was just moving on and I wondered if by breaking up with me, he'd start getting out there and seeing the world, but he hasn't and.. that makes me feel a lot better. I don't know if I'm kidding myself! I don't think so, if I am, and I'm pretending to be okay when I'm not? Well I certainly have myself fooled well enough to be okay now, and thats fine for now. ;p
Nemo Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 I felt like he was just moving on and I wondered if by breaking up with me, he'd start getting out there and seeing the world, but he hasn't and.. Does he stay in his apartment all day? That's kind of sad, unless he has a good cable package and a Wii. Don't you want him to be happy?
BikerBeagle Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 There's nothing wrong with a little sardastic glee to really put the step in your loafers.
9Lives Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 my ex contacted me yesterday and I was so happy but of course I played it really cool. He said that I had not answered his calls and he was thinking about me. I told him I was okay. He went into what he as been up. It was all in a text. I just kept it short and I did not respond after he told me what he was doing. It wasnt bad or anything. I just dont want him to think I am chasing him or trying to get him back. I do love him sooooo much but I am not going to act desperate or chase. I guess just sittin back and letting them go is better than fighting for them when they want to leave. It is so hard though
MichiganMan222 Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 I hear you 9lives. It is so hard. But after I've been through this, I see its the best thing to do. Just let them go. See if they come back, but without counting on it.
9Lives Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 yup...I live by this saying one of our brilliant LS member gave me....it goes likethis Live your life as this guy you will never see or hear from again.....it is best That helps you keep it moving. If they come to you...great...if they dont...great. But helps even though it hurts
Author lofi_tokyo Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 I'm sure hes completely happy doing nothing, thats who he is. So I guess - hes happy, but I'm happy because I feel like my life is more exciting in comparison. I know thats bad, but its true ;p lol. As for your saying 9lives, I think its a good one. I think now that I realize life isnt really that green on the other side (in otherwords, being with my ex), I'm finally able to sincerely enjoy what I'm doing NOW for myself, rather than wondering how it compares... if that makes sense.
SgtPepper Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 I think now that I realize life isnt really that green on the other side (in otherwords, being with my ex), I'm finally able to sincerely enjoy what I'm doing NOW for myself, rather than wondering how it compares... if that makes sense. That does make sense. I think that those of us who were "dumped" have this view that our ex is out living some kind of carefree lifestyle with a different date every night while we are stuck with the pain and the life of a hermit. It is when we realize that we have the power to choose our own life experiences and stop dragging the pain of the breakup around like a ball and chain that we can truly be happy for ourselves. I don't think you wish bad things for your ex--it just sounds like the reality of his life helps you realize that your own life is not so bad without him.
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