Isolde Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Have you ever thought how weird it is that no one ever REALLY knows what other people think? We're all just acting on suppositions that may be way off base. I keep on thinking that if only I knew how people actually thought of me, I'd be able to make better decisions and make the most of life. Instead, my intuition brings me to disappointment every time. So maybe the reality is we'll never know the underlying truths, but is there any way to improve judgment and intuition as to who's right for you, or even who to go on a date with? This stuff is even more confusing to someone who's never been in a relationship, because I have no standard to measure against, not even a paltry one. I feel really vulnerable, like I have absolutely no choices. I really wish guys just asked me out more and at least gave me a place to start, but at a rate of about 3 dates a year, they're all duds and I don't even have the benefit of learning something.
joshaz Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 If experience is the best teacher, and at present you feel like you don't have enough opportunities to learn, then perhaps you need to take the initiative and do the asking? Something like... I should probably take my own advice...
Vertex Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 I'm really arrogant here, but I usually have a pretty good idea what someone is thinking. By paying attention to their words, actions, body language, motives, interests, past history, and logical connections of all these factors, you can usually derive a pretty accurate, fairly-objective conclusion. Experience does a good job of reinforcing this. Just keep refining your algorithms until you get something that works
Author Isolde Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 I'm really arrogant here, but I usually have a pretty good idea what someone is thinking. By paying attention to their words, actions, body language, motives, interests, past history, and logical connections of all these factors, you can usually derive a pretty accurate, fairly-objective conclusion. Experience does a good job of reinforcing this. Just keep refining your algorithms until you get something that works Yes, my algorithms are squeaky! I admit that sometimes I just keep on second guessing--my mind is incapable of processing things in black and white ways. I don't think dividing the world into People Who Like Me and People Who Hate Me is really helpful. But a big part of it really is lack of opportunity to test the alg's.
Vertex Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Well, I mean you can always observe your friends and their lives. That's always helped me "get enough data," so to speak, haha. Over time you basically have tons of relationships and events to analyze... patterns emerge and you start to see how consistent behavior really is, and how many things are fairly predictable.
Author Isolde Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 I've tried really hard to impose a "hard cold reality" upon myself, thinking "All Guys Are Just Not That Into You": but this approach just makes me feel helpless.
Author Isolde Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 Well, I mean you can always observe your friends and their lives. That's always helped me "get enough data," so to speak, haha. Over time you basically have tons of relationships and events to analyze... patterns emerge and you start to see how consistent behavior really is, and how many things are fairly predictable. So are you saying I should be able to scientifically predict the kind of guy who would like me? That's kind of really depressing, and unromantic
carhill Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Nah, he's telling you he's shy Adding, you don't really want to know what other people are thinking, trust me. It's really noisy
Vertex Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 So are you saying I should be able to scientifically predict the kind of guy who would like me? That's kind of really depressing, and unromantic No, I'm saying that there are ways to become better at reading people's signals.
Author Isolde Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 Also, guys are never direct with me... no one has ever said "Hey Isolde I like you..." I've been directly rejected though, haha. Ok single girl rant over. Meow.
Author Isolde Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 Well, my mind is so noisy I don't know left from right sometimes. I need clarity. I've tried telling myself that no one has ever liked me and to wait for the person who will but that makes me feel powerless and idiotic.
Vertex Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 It can be hard for many people to outright say that they like you There is risk, you know. However, there is usually very little downside risk to someone rejecting you (depending on the situation), soooooo... meow. I'm not a cat, but I'll meow anyway.
carhill Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Well, my mind is so noisy I don't know left from right sometimes. I need clarity. I've tried telling myself that no one has ever liked me and to wait for the person who will but that makes me feel powerless and idiotic. So, so important that you like yourself first and foremost. Think of others as interesting stops along your path. They are not your path. You are your path. The journey of life and living is yours. You share your path and your life with those whom you select to. They don't own that energy. It is your gift to them. Do you understand? FWIW, everyone's mind is noisy. All that cr@p going on in there You're normal.
Author Isolde Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 carhill, i know that other people aren't my life. i do separate my goals as an individual from my goals as an individual-as-relates to others. that said, i still feel powerless in that regard. does that make sense?
Author Isolde Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 Well, I just feel like so few guys like me that I don't really have much agency.
Green Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 much agency? your getting pretty wild. What ever happened to that thing I suggested where you just pass your number out to guys you like and ask them to call you. I wonder if girls think me or my friend is better looking... hmmm... I wonder which kid out of me and my sisters and brothers is the favorite.... hmmm I wonder if
Author Isolde Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 Ok, so I chickened out ^_^ I can't do it! Besides, the only place I see cute guys is the bus, and I am NOT going to do that on the bus.
Green Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 well you should take me up on my offer to fly you out then
carhill Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 It's not all or nothing; power or powerlessness. TBH, I think you need advice from women. I know how to send out signals to a woman that I want her, but there's no way I can know how you all work that stuff. You can perform actions, but IME, you need to feel it within yourself. Your desire needs to permeate your aura. I can tell you I've run across some women in my life who I wouldn't normally give a second glance, but they just drew me to them. Whatever that stuff is, wow, it works
Author Isolde Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 well you should take me up on my offer to fly you out then That's your advice for EVERY thread I post. Jeez.
Author Isolde Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 It's not all or nothing; power or powerlessness. TBH, I think you need advice from women. I know how to send out signals to a woman that I want her, but there's no way I can know how you all work that stuff. You can perform actions, but IME, you need to feel it within yourself. Your desire needs to permeate your aura. I can tell you I've run across some women in my life who I wouldn't normally give a second glance, but they just drew me to them. Whatever that stuff is, wow, it works Believe me, I don't have trouble with the showing desire part.
Green Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 That's your advice for EVERY thread I post. Jeez. Well jeez lueez you have to step up. I'm single but unlike you I'm out there going on dates and stuff trying to find some one I'd consider dating seriously. The giving your number out thing is great doesn't even take much courage cause after that point it would be up to the guy to woo you
Author Isolde Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 Well jeez lueez you have to step up. I'm single but unlike you I'm out there going on dates and stuff trying to find some one I'd consider dating seriously. The giving your number out thing is great doesn't even take much courage cause after that point it would be up to the guy to woo you Doesn't take much courage?! Most guys aren't used to some weird girl giving out her number out of the blue in a library or cafe. Also, I'd prefer to talk to someone before giving them my number, to ensure they're not a complete weirdo, or married. But I'm shy XD
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