Konfuzion Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 If you want the full story, this post is our breakup. And this post is me asking her for a second chance. So it has been a little over a week since I asked her for a second chance, and she is still thinking about the answer. A few nights ago she told me she is just taking a step back and watching me to see if I really have changed or if I am going to go back to my old self. I think I am doing this intentionally because its the only time I get emotion from her is when I talk about us she will open up a little bit and I can see some emotion in her, but then she always goes too "I feel like you are not giving me space to make a decision". So I think this is one of the areas I am sure everyone will tell me to back off, and hearing it from others will help. The other area I am struggling is that if I initiate it we will lay in bed and cuddle or she will let me hug her and kiss her cheek or neck, do you all think that initiating this contact will leave her feeling pressured and that I should stop or is this contact ok? Lastly I just want to add she has been making a lot more time to spend with me, she asked me to join her for lunch today at work and she has been calling me a lot more. Things seem to be heading in the right direction. Thanks in advance for any advice.
CaliGuy Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Don't put any expections on her. That is what is creating pressure. Don't talk about the relationship or a second chance. Don't pester her for time. If she really wants to b with you, she'll make an effort to talk to you and meet up. The kisses, snuggling, etc are nice, but not if she still needs space. Give her the gift of missing you occasionally, knowwhutImean?
Author Konfuzion Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 Thanks caliguy, we actually talked a little today over lunch. She told me that the affection makes her uncomfortable sometimes, so we decided that I would ask her if its ok for me to hold her hand and so on she also mentioned that she was enjoying it. I do really need to let the expectations and conversations about us go. So that's the plan for now.... I will say the distance between us is killing me. But she is making a lot of time for me, and I do appriciate that.
CaliGuy Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Thanks caliguy, we actually talked a little today over lunch. She told me that the affection makes her uncomfortable sometimes, so we decided that I would ask her if its ok for me to hold her hand and so on she also mentioned that she was enjoying it. I do really need to let the expectations and conversations about us go. So that's the plan for now.... I will say the distance between us is killing me. But she is making a lot of time for me, and I do appriciate that. Do you remember the rule of thumb? The person who cares least about the relationship has the most power over it. I'm not saying don't care, I am simply saying "cool your jets" and let her relax around you. As long as there's affection coming from you when she isn't ready all that will do is push her away. You need to let her start initiating some of that affection as well. The more "free" she is in the relationship to move at her pace, the better off you both will be in the long run.
Author Konfuzion Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 Damn it your so right... And I so do not like you right now (I should mention just in case this is a joke)... I urn for her affection right now, and the more I push for it the further away she will go... Yeah I know the rule of thumb. Ok the plan for now is too take a step back not bring "us" up and let her initiate contact. She fly's home in 3 weeks for Thanksgiving and will be gone for a few weeks and during that time I will let her call me and I will only call if I absolutely need to ask her something of importance. Hold me too this caliguy... I need some acountability. And no more looking at her myspace,e-mail and facebook... I told her that I had hacked into all of these accounts but I also commited to never looking at them again, and damn is that hard to do. One question, is it ok if I ask her if she wants to have lunch together? I work night shifts so she never knows if I will be awake at lunch time when I am working, I normally will tell her if you want to have lunch together that would be nice. Back to meditation and grounding/centering myself....
CaliGuy Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Damn it your so right... And I so do not like you right now (I should mention just in case this is a joke)... I urn for her affection right now, and the more I push for it the further away she will go... Yeah I know the rule of thumb. Ok the plan for now is too take a step back not bring "us" up and let her initiate contact. She fly's home in 3 weeks for Thanksgiving and will be gone for a few weeks and during that time I will let her call me and I will only call if I absolutely need to ask her something of importance. Hold me too this caliguy... I need some acountability. And no more looking at her myspace,e-mail and facebook... I told her that I had hacked into all of these accounts but I also commited to never looking at them again, and damn is that hard to do. One question, is it ok if I ask her if she wants to have lunch together? I work night shifts so she never knows if I will be awake at lunch time when I am working, I normally will tell her if you want to have lunch together that would be nice. Back to meditation and grounding/centering myself.... If she initiates lunch, sure. Don't press her for it. Trust me, if she really wants to be with you, you won't have to do much. It will just happen naturally. Don't pressure her and you'll be fine.
Recommended Posts