indianlover Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 So I went out on a pseudo-blind date (we've seen pictures of each other) with this guy and I wanted to hear people's take on it. He's very different from the 'normal' type I date. I usually date very outgoing guys so I'm not really sure how to interpret this guy because he's not as outgoing. We have a lot in common and our conversation was really good. But he was pretty reserved the whole date. While he was excited about our conversation he didn't really make an effort to flirt or touch me (which is usually my way of gaging if a guy is interested or not.) However at the end of the date he asked for my number, gave me a hug, and said he'd really like to go out again. What do you think? First date jitters, normal for shy guys? or not interested?
fral945 Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 He said he "really" wanted to see you again. That sounds like interest to me. If he wasn't interested I doubt he would have said that.
Isolde Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 In my experience, there's very little correlation between the level of flirting/touching on a first date and the level of interest. I've had people who seemed interested reject me after a second date. I've also had people who just sat there like a log turn out to like me.
sumdude Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Some guys move a lot slower than others.. could be shyness or just his style.
Author indianlover Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 thanks for your ideas! For some reason I found it tough to read this guy. It was great to go out with a guy that for once isn't making illusions to sex, but its also disconcerting in that most guys seem to communicate attraction that way.
fral945 Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 thanks for your ideas! For some reason I found it tough to read this guy. It was great to go out with a guy that for once isn't making illusions to sex, but its also disconcerting in that most guys seem to communicate attraction that way. Even though it is disconcerting to you, now you understand why most guys make illusions to sex. He didn't and you questioned his interest. This is quite common with women IME. When I haven't showed early sexual interest of some kind I get questioned just like you are questioning this guy. In one of those situations I actually had one girl ask me if I was gay.
Author indianlover Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 Thanks Fral. I have mixed emotions on the situation. I like the fact that he respects me enough to talk to me as a person and get to know me first, but on the other hand I worry that maybe we're in the 'friend zone.' I guess only time will tell. If he is into me then he definitely has good marks in my book for treating me with respect.
BCCA Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 If I really like a girl, I won't make any sexual advances or inuendos unless it seems to be mutually intiated. Guys are stuck between a rock and a hard place. If you don't try and make it obvious you like a girl right away, you're either disinterested, or yes, I've also been asked if I was gay lol. On the flip side, if you try to make it too obvious, you're forever labled as a total sleeze who is just trying to get laid. I've had girls who I dated for several years that I didn't even kiss on the cheek on our first date. For me, the more I like someone, the slower I'll try and take it.
monkey00 Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 If I really like a girl, I won't make any sexual advances or inuendos unless it seems to be mutually intiated. Guys are stuck between a rock and a hard place. If you don't try and make it obvious you like a girl right away, you're either disinterested, or yes, I've also been asked if I was gay lol. On the flip side, if you try to make it too obvious, you're forever labled as a total sleeze who is just trying to get laid. I've had girls who I dated for several years that I didn't even kiss on the cheek on our first date. For me, the more I like someone, the slower I'll try and take it. I couldn't agree more. Guys walk a very fine line when it comes to the first and second dates. If they show too much or too little interest by body language both could be a bad sign. But personally if I like someone more, I tend to take it slow. If it's a coffee date (which is a pretty casual get together) I usually end it with a hug. If I ask the girl out to dinner for a second date then it gets a little more romantic of course I'd be inclined to show more interest and make a move. It sounds to me like the guy is really making an effort to see you again. If he calls he's obviously interested...if not then..
Ash007 Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Thanks Fral. I have mixed emotions on the situation. I like the fact that he respects me enough to talk to me as a person and get to know me first, but on the other hand I worry that maybe we're in the 'friend zone.' I guess only time will tell. If he is into me then he definitely has good marks in my book for treating me with respect. I've had a conversation with this guy I really like about this. First of all, this guy is not gay. Not even close. But he told me that if he is interested in a girl... not just sexually, but if he also sees her as a girl with longterm possibilities, he will play it cool. His last girlfriend was not in this catergory, so they got busy pretty quick. And predictably, it was a short relationship. But from what he says, and from what I have heard from other guys on the subject... they do take it slow when they are seriously interested. Keep seeing him and be patient. Sounds like you found a good one.
Author indianlover Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 Interesting takes on this. Yeah I guess I do see it differently now. We knew we had a lot in common before meeting - we exchanged long emails before he (finally) asked me out. For our two hour date the conversation was constant - even distracting (I found it difficult to focus on other things like crossing the road) and we discovered we had even more in common than we thought before. I was a little insecure that because he wasn't openly flirting that maybe he was more interested in me as a friend than a date. I guess this is the first nice guy I've dated...took me long enough to give a nice guy a chance
Harodan Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Heheh, I read this and kind of kicked myself. I've dated plenty of girls who I didn't ask on a second date because they seemed to stop associating with me. I guess this could be why- I didn't do anything more than hug them at the end. I didn't really flirt. My suggestion is to, if you ever see him when you're not dating him, make sure he knows that you had a good time and that you'd like continue spending time with him.
Taramere Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 We have a lot in common and our conversation was really good. But he was pretty reserved the whole date. While he was excited about our conversation he didn't really make an effort to flirt or touch me (which is usually my way of gaging if a guy is interested or not.) However at the end of the date he asked for my number, gave me a hug, and said he'd really like to go out again. What do you think? First date jitters, normal for shy guys? or not interested? I think it sounds very positive, and I wouldn't read too much into the lack of flirtation/touching. If he's reserved, then that probably doesn't come naturally on a first date. He hugged you, asked for your number and clarified that he wanted to see you again. That's reasonably confident and direct, so he evidently isn't shy to the point of not being able to go after what he wants. I certainly wouldn't read lack of interest into any of it...unless a week or so goes by and he hasn't called, which would be a far less positive sign. When did the two of you go out?
Author indianlover Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 Re: the questions. We went out just the other day and I did tell him that I had a lot of fun with him, that I'd like to see him again (but again I'm very outgoing and don't mind putting myself out there). Yeah, definitely guys flirting - not dirty jokes- but some flirting is important to let her know that you are interested in her as more than a friend! He said he call and we'd go out later this week. And he messaged me when I got home from the date that he had fun. So we'll see...hopefully he calls in 24-48 hrs.
Author indianlover Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 So you know - y'all were right on the money. He is interested, I'm just an idiot :-). Thanks!
Recommended Posts