D-Jam Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 I was talking with a guy I used to date and was asking him about the way he acted in the end and he said it was because he was going threw some rough times. I asked him why didn't he was tell me, talk about it. This was his response: Ah I never dump my problems in any ones lap it is rude and well just stuff I have to learn to deal with my self that is just the way it is. For women they like that kind of stuff I will be there for you and you be there for me kind of stuff, I am well a man and well I am more comfortable sorting things out as I always have. I can understand how men would be reluctant to talk about personal problems to friends, be it out of fear of being seen as weak or out of fear of bringing his friends down with his own personal stuff. However, I think when you're dating someone closely or in a relationship, then you need to open up and talk to your SO about things. That's what it's all about. It's sad when I see RLs fall apart because someone was going through personal stuff, and suddenly felt the need to break up and be alone, never really telling why...and their now ex thinking they did something wrong. People need to stop worrying so damn much about "looking weak" to others.
Trialbyfire Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 I can understand how men would be reluctant to talk about personal problems to friends, be it out of fear of being seen as weak or out of fear of bringing his friends down with his own personal stuff. However, I think when you're dating someone closely or in a relationship, then you need to open up and talk to your SO about things. That's what it's all about. It's sad when I see RLs fall apart because someone was going through personal stuff, and suddenly felt the need to break up and be alone, never really telling why...and their now ex thinking they did something wrong. People need to stop worrying so damn much about "looking weak" to others. Your best post yet D-Jam!
fral945 Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 It's not male or female' date=' but human to share thoughts with another human. Sure maybe a guy wouldn't want to do it with a girl he just started dating but hopefully he doesn't let it build inside because that makes the problems worse, they can build and get distorted the more you worry until you can't hold it in anymore. [/quote'] But it is male and female in how we share and the degree to which we share. I don't claim to represent every male, but if I was a betting man, I'd put my money on more men responding that less talk for them is better. I don't claim men should hold everything back, just that in general we'd rather work things out ourselves. Your viewpoint with respect to this is based on two guys you dated who took that idea to the extreme. Sharing of important issues is a form of bonding. It's about sufficient trust and respect for an SO, that they're capable of helping and if nothing else, being a sounding board. I'm more of the former and less of the latter, since I'm solutions oriented. Having said that, there's a limit to sharing. If it's consistent angst or complaining, no one wants to bear the burden for the ineffective or the overly-emotional individual. I actually don't mind being more of the sounding board in relationships, to be honest, because I usually don't have much to complain about. I generally either deal with problems myself or accept that I can't change them and move on with life. I tend to be more of the strong, silent type anyway, so I usually just listen and offer some empathy. That seems to be what most women have wanted. In most of the relationships I've been in the woman does most of the talking anyway.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 But it is male and female in how we share and the degree to which we share. I don't claim to represent every male, but if I was a betting man, I'd put my money on more men responding that less talk for them is better. I don't claim men should hold everything back, just that in general we'd rather work things out ourselves. Your viewpoint with respect to this is based on two guys you dated who took that idea to the extreme. I said that sharing is human, I didn't say we do it in the same way. we can do it in our own ways but that we do share and communicate is the point. No I didn't base what I said on these 2 guys, they were just examples. The one which was my reason for posting because of the frustration of him saying it's a thing girls like to do, that he is a guy and doesn't do that!
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