Skitzo Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Hi i'm 18 i've never posted anything before but here i go. I just want some advice for my situation. Well when i was seventeen which was earlier this year i kissed someone other than my boyfriend. I feel really bad for it because my bf and i have been together for two years now and i do love him and he loves me, sometimes when i think of what i did and how he must feel it just makes me wanna cry. I knew it was wrong but when it happened which was around feb-march we were having problems. he wouldn't really pay me much attention to me he was always going out with his friends when i called he was just to busy and i just felt as though he didn't care about us anymore but i know that that still doesn't justify what i did. We always talk about wanting to get married when we are older and how much kids we want. and as for the other person i knew him for about a year and i never told him i liked him and i only started when i was feeling neglected and i dont even think i really did like him i was just feeling lonely he also had a gf i wasnt even the one making moves on him he tried 3 times the first time i shut him down but i succumbed to it the other 2 times. I know that that's not the kind of person i am who does things to hurt other people. That's the first time i ever even thought about doing that and i wouldn't even think of looking at any other guys before the neglect i still cant even fully understand why i did it. and my boyfriend well we are really high school sweet hearts and am so appreciative of the fact that he stayed with me even after learning about this i know its hard for him to accept the fact that i allowed something like this to happen. even though he acts tough n crazy sometimes i know he's terrified of losing me and of me having sexual contact with another man but that i can assure would never happen my body is a temple to me and thats his and only his (hes 20 by the way). The person who i kissed even "signaled" thats what he would like unintentionally but i was like "yeah right guy thats not happening".and i felt as though he did this before with other girls only worse i even asked him, of course he said no (what a lie). after we stopped talking and i was with my girlfriends at a club i saw him holding hands with another female(not his gf) leaving,I've even heard now from other people that hes always cheating on his gf (they aren't together any more, no surprise here). I dont have contact with the person any more and my boyfriend and i we're okay because we've started communicating more and its getting better but i hate when he brings it up im really ashamed of myself for it and i just made a mistake and when he brings it up it feels like torture. it was going good until last night someone said to him oh hes a really forgiving person and a lot more he still hasnt told me. he spent over $200 on drinks for him and other people and sent me nutty messages at 5:30 am saying call him even if im sleeping(which i was) to explain. I mean its been months since i've come clean but i hate that were i live people stick their noses in other peoples business because they cant stand seeing other people happy after such a mess. and girls down here are really big whores they dress the part they make nasty videos post it on you tube my mom even received a vid on her phone it's like no one down here has respect for themselves and i don't want to become a part of that movement it's like this place is poison to me. and I'm angry for touching the surface of what this place has become. and even in schools, schools feud with other schools (not my old high school ours was more of a high school were people get along and the mentality is different and its mixed so no one discriminated). i have a high school across from my home and almost everyday there is a fight police are always patrolling its like no one wants better for themselves. anyways i am going to college in spring and so is he i all ready miss him and neither of us are gone yet. i just want to know if he'll ever really forgive me and if anyone thinks our relationship can really work, and withstand through the time. any advice what so ever is helpful in my situation. i really need to know how to make things better between him and i. he has said to me he's seen that i'm really trying to please him more than usual cooking, playing around with him ect..
jj33 Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Wed love to help but you need to repost this with paragraphs its very hard to read as one long paragraph.
jj33 Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 OK I read it. It sounds like he hasnt gotten over it. Whether he will is hard to say. It was just a kiss right? Nothing more. But its still a betrayal of trust. You are both young. You are going away to college and will have a whole new world open to you. You will meet other people and your entire life will change. Its hard to say goodbye to a high school sweetheart but thats what you are going to be doing. If things are not good now and you are still "paying" for your mistake its unlikely you will make it through college. Even if you did you both need a chance to grow and explore and experience the world. Have you talked about what you will do when you go away? You shouldnt limit yourself to not experiencing college life and meeting other people. If you two are meant to be you will be in 2 years or 4 when you finish university. I know he means the world to you now but there is a whole big wide world out there waiting for you. Sorry if I sound like your Mom but its true.
Author Skitzo Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 Well we have discussed it and he will either go to the same college or a college thats an hour and 30 minutes away or less away. so he'll visit me every other weekend and i will do the same and there is always the phone and email. im not even interested in other people down here don't look nothing. i think just had a moment of weakness. lol my mom has said something along those lines to. i know im young and i dont like hearing stuff like that but my heart wont beleive it. his parents are also high school sweet hearts and his father did make a mistake (worse than mines) but they are still together and married for 23 years so you know it just makes me feel there might be a glimmer of hope.
Author Skitzo Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 and yes it was just a kiss i could'nt go further than that that type of stuff just isnt for me and honestly even when i go to clubs i cant even dance with ne one else, just him i feel very uncomfortable if hes not around. i know it sounds childish and what not but its just me n the way i am...
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