John32 Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 since oct 12, 2008 after our first date, we been in contact every other day whether it was phone or email. we talked about seeing each other again and what would be a good idea and we talked on the phone late last sunday and then she emailed me on Tuesday, and since Wednesday, I haven't heard from her after emailing on Wednesday and calling on Thursday. So this means she met another guy off the dating site? I wasn't going to check to see the last time she was on there but it doesn't look good now and I just can't believe how someone can be in contact with you every other day for 3 weeks and then disappears. I had no intentions of buying another membership but I see now I have no choice
Tony T Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Don't read anything into this. Frankly, she may be doing this on purpose and it's working very well for her since you are so troubled you're posting about this on an Internet forum. You were obviously taking her regular communication with you for granted and that can be the death of a relationship. Don't take anything for granted ever and don't think she has an obligation to communicate with you on a regular basis just because she has a history of doing so. The fact that you are so concerned about this is problematic. You need to start not caring so much. If you give this lady even the slightest hint that you are concerned about her non communication, you will be dead in the water. Even if she has met someone else, just be yourself and go with the flow. If you stay Joe Cool she will come right back to you when she sees you are the one. If you go nuts about this, she will see you as a dependent wussy and it'll turn her off so fast. So just stop worrying about this and go do something special for yourself. You called, left a message and the ball is in her court. If you never hear from her again in your lifetime, post here and I will send you the phone number of another lady I happen to know is single in the world...hahaha! As far as buying another membership, unless you are engaged you should be out there meeting people. You have no commitment with this lady and you have every right to be looking for other prospects until she shows you she wants YOU as her man. Calm down! Oh, by the way, people disappear on people every second on the Internet. It's the rule rather than the exception. It's that way because it's easy to do, much easier online than in real life. It's much better that way, too...it works both ways...if you want somebody out of your life all it takes is a setting on your computer.
Lizzie60 Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Sorry dear.. but it doesn't look good.. you've only met once.. humm.. if she was really interested she would have wanted more of you.. It's hard to say whether she's got someone else or not.. I just think she's not that into you.. simple. Keep looking..
Author John32 Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 Don't read anything into this. Frankly, she may be doing this on purpose and it's working very well for her since you are so troubled you're posting about this on an Internet forum. You were obviously taking her regular communication with you for granted and that can be the death of a relationship. Don't take anything for granted ever and don't think she has an obligation to communicate with you on a regular basis just because she has a history of doing so. The fact that you are so concerned about this is problematic. You need to start not caring so much. If you give this lady even the slightest hint that you are concerned about her non communication, you will be dead in the water. Even if she has met someone else, just be yourself and go with the flow. If you stay Joe Cool she will come right back to you when she sees you are the one. If you go nuts about this, she will see you as a dependent wussy and it'll turn her off so fast. So just stop worrying about this and go do something special for yourself. You called, left a message and the ball is in her court. If you never hear from her again in your lifetime, post here and I will send you the phone number of another lady I happen to know is single in the world...hahaha! As far as buying another membership, unless you are engaged you should be out there meeting people. You have no commitment with this lady and you have every right to be looking for other prospects until she shows you she wants YOU as her man. Calm down! Oh, by the way, people disappear on people every second on the Internet. It's the rule rather than the exception. It's that way because it's easy to do, much easier online than in real life. It's much better that way, too...it works both ways...if you want somebody out of your life all it takes is a setting on your computer. I haven't shown her that I'm bpthered by not talking to her yet. I just been playing it cool and just sent a quick email this morning saying good luck on your exams. And during that 30 day membership, she was the only one I clicked with so that's why I only met her. Believe me my goal is always to meet as many girls as possible especially since the membership is not free.so it just didn't work out like that. But hopefully by the end of the year I won't be on a dating site anymore.
carhill Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 OP, next time, during one of those "every other day" phone calls after the first date, ask her (not this lady because she's long gone) out on a second date. Be definitive, not chatty. You want to date her, not be her buddy. You became this girl's buddy. If she waffles, cut contact. I'm assuming here that you are looking for romantic prospects, not female friends. Good luck
Author John32 Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 OP, next time, during one of those "every other day" phone calls after the first date, ask her (not this lady because she's long gone) out on a second date. Be definitive, not chatty. You want to date her, not be her buddy. You became this girl's buddy. If she waffles, cut contact. I'm assuming here that you are looking for romantic prospects, not female friends. Good luck Well the following weekend which was the 18th of October, she was going out of town and then she was saying she have finals coming up in medical school and I knew her time to go out was only during the weekends. My plan was to ask her did she have time for a quick dinner before her finals but I moved too slow and some other guy probably wasted no time in asking for another date.
carhill Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 OP, her schedule is not your problem. Remember, if she were a friend, you'd say "yeah, no worries, we'll get together later" and it wouldn't matter, because you were friends. You're not friends. You don't think of her as a buddy. She's in charge of her schedule. If she's interested, no matter how busy she is, she'll make time or offer options. This is what women do. They expand their time to encompass what's important to them. Your job is to become "important", not worry about what her skills are in fitting you in. Got it? Yeah...I know...took me a couple decades to "get it". Don't be me
Taramere Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 She's in charge of her schedule. If she's interested, no matter how busy she is, she'll make time or offer options. This is what women do. They expand their time to encompass what's important to them. Not in the middle of finals. Not when you're looking like a piece of crap as a result of late night cramming, too much coffee and irregular eating patterns because you forget about food and your brain has developed a filter to keep out anything that isn't related to the next exam. Finals cramming only lasts a couple of weeks, OP, and everyone knows that medicine is one of the most demanding areas to study. Let the poor girl give these exams her best shot without having to stress out about meeting up with a guy while she's got bloodshot eyes and caffeine poisoning.
carhill Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 The philosophy still applies, even during "finals". I know medical people think nothing harder in the world exists, but that's because we blow sunshine up their butts all the time In reality, everything worth having is hard. Even our OP. If he's important enough, she'll fit him in, even if just for a cup of coffee during a break. As I said, her schedule and her med finals aren't his problem. She's not important enough in his life yet for them to be his problem. Assigning too much importance to people with whom there is no mutual investment is a real problem for people like the OP (and myself, for many years). This lady can cram for her med finals, to the exclusion of all else, if she likes. Good on her The OP can spend his valuable time with someone who has time for him. See, when I was in the place in life where the lady in question is, I didn't use women for time-fillers and then suddenly not have time for them because I was "too busy". I forwent having a relationship because I valued the investment another human would make into getting to know me and I knew I didn't have time for that process. I want the OP to see that dynamic. Lots of available and willing fish in the sea for him
Taramere Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 The philosophy still applies, even during "finals". I know medical people think nothing harder in the world exists, but that's because we blow sunshine up their butts all the time In reality, everything worth having is hard. Even our OP. If he's important enough, she'll fit him in, even if just for a cup of coffee during a break. As I said, her schedule and her med finals aren't his problem. She's not important enough in his life yet for them to be his problem. That's fine. I totally get that. They're practically strangers, so there's no reason why he should worry about her med finals or the stress she might currently be under. But by the same token, a guy she's just met very recently probably isn't going to be top of her list of priorities. Not at such a crucial time. That wouldn't mean there wasn't potential for them once they knew eachother better - but I think regardless of your gender, someone you've just met who (whether subtly or overtly) is pressing you to make them a priority when you're going through a busy, stressful time; who gets offended if you don't make them a priority, is going to very quickly start looking like nothing more than an additional source of stress. And in the early stages, dating should be fun - not stressful. A long-standing partner or husband expecting to be a priority during a busy, stressful time - that's fine. Some guy you met a few weeks ago who you barely know? Absolutely not. I think that expectation, from someone who was practically a stranger to me, would smack of the same high-maintenance, entitlement thing that men on this board often complain about in women.
carhill Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 I go on to say: This lady can cram for her med finals, to the exclusion of all else, if she likes. Good on her The OP can spend his valuable time with someone who has time for him. This is not intended to convey criticism of her choice, hence "good on her" (that's an Australian conference of admiration and appreciation), but to convey to the OP that she has not yet gained enough importance in his life (nor he in hers) that such things are to guide his actions. Right now, due to her focus, she cares the least. The OP has no control over how much she cares. He can only control himself. OP, what do you want to do?
Author John32 Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 Well she just responded to my email I sent this morning saying-"good luck on your exams tomorrow" She replied-"Thank you...I appreciate it, Hope you are having a good weekend" So it must have been some kind of delivery email from my hotmail account to her yahoo on Wednesday because she received my email this morning from my msn account without any problem. So I will wait until thursday to contact her again and set up another date which will be when her finals are over
carhill Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Keep us posted OP. Even though I take a critical line, I'm still rooting for you
Author John32 Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 Keep us posted OP. Even though I take a critical line, I'm still rooting for you Yeah I was even teasing her a week ago and said-"If you do well on your finals we can go to your favorite place for dinner but you have to get a 90" Then she was like-"oh come on you are not being fair you know how tough those exams are? So I was defintely not going to try and see her until after her finals were over
mojo5500 Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 So just stop worrying about this and go do something special for yourself. You called, left a message and the ball is in her court. If you never hear from her again in your lifetime, post here and I will send you the phone number of another lady I happen to know is single in the world...hahaha! Calm down! I like your advice, I see myself getting all wrapped up in the situation and start to develop tunnel vision when all I see is her. The problem with doing something for yourself... (in my situation) she then starts to think I'm selfish because I'm caring for myself.
carhill Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 The problem with doing something for yourself... (in my situation) she then starts to think I'm selfish because I'm caring for myself. Simple incompatibility
sid3 Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Sounds like your making yourself way too available. Most of the guys I know usully keep calls, emails and texts to a minimal and for the purpose of setting up another date. After only one date it can be a potential deal breaker. JMO. I agree with Tony's reply, as always, some good advice to keep in mind. It would be wise to follow Carhill's advice too. The dreaded friendzone can suck you in faster than you realize it's happening....I'm sure med exams are tough, then again so are the tests some girls may throw at you.
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