quistisister Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 I met the love of my life 16 months ago. He was 14 years older than me, but I didn't care. A squaddie, which I had always been told to steer clear of. We met on a NSA sex website....Bad start I know. I was in a bad place after leaving my BF of 6 years and needed some attention. We hit it off straight away, he asked if I was going to use the site or see anyone else and I said no, he said the same. Then things started.... Little things, pictures on his mobile, in his e-mail, things I would find and couldn't really ignore, but he told me I was being stupid and I loved him that much I tried to forget. This was October. At Xmas I found e-mailed pictures to 3 different women and a thread of conversations with a couple to meet them. I was beside myself, I confronted him and he said that the e-mail address could be accessed by his ex and was probably doing it to get back at him ?? I gave him the benefit of the doubt. In January, I found out I was pregnant, I wanted the baby and so did he, I thought things were great, we got engaged. then in Feb he was posted to Afghan for 6 months, he left on the 4th Feb. He missed all the scans, when we e-mailed he took little interest in me or the baby. He sent me nothing for my birthday in June or for Valentines day. He had a weeks RNR in June, end of that is. Came home, I found more pics on his mobile, of a woman and ones he had taken of him to send. He said that they were old. I told him that that was his last chance, anything else and I would leave him. He returned home on the 4th August 2008. He wasn't that excited to see me. OUr sex life was poor, which he blamed on the baby. I was scared and curious, so I checked his e-mail that he had been using over there. Surpirse Surprise, I found several swinger websites which he had joined. He had spent months messaging people to try and arrange meets for when he returned home and had posted pictures of himself on the web. I also found e-mails from a woman he was there with. He called her babe and sent her kisses. One e-mail said...Im sorry that things cant work out between us, but you showed too many traits like my ex husband last night. He said their relationship was purely professional. I dont believe him. He has now been posted to Cyprus, our baby is 9 weeks old and we are apart, I found postings of him trying to arrange to meet people there too, although no-one replied. He has said that he never stopped contacting people from the moment we met, although he never actually met any of the people. He has said that he has stopped now. I feel such an idiot for giving him a second chance, but we have a baby together and no matter how much I hate him, I love him the same amount. I know in my heart that he has cheated on me...if not on the PC, with the woman called Heidi in Afghan. I found pictures of her that she had sent him too, of them hugging at a party. He has lied to me our entire 'relationship', how can I believe him now? We are due to be married very soon and I am worried I am doing the wrong thing? All opinions are welcome.....please help??
Geishawhelk Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 I really don't think you need opinions, or help. I think you need confirmation and validation. You know exactly what the right thing to do is. Don't even consider marrying him, let alone staying with him one second longer than necessary. Your having a baby makes not a single iota of difference to him. He doesn't care about you or the baby. You're bringing it up on your own now, so that's not a problem for the future, is it? I mean, it's not as if you need his help, or the baby misses its father..... Slap a paternity support on him, and never see him again. he doesn't want to have you or the ababy in his life, so do yourself a favour and get rid of him. He's a using parasite, and needs a wake-up call.
whichwayisup Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Don't marry this guy..And please, while you're at it, get tested for STD's.. Keep your family and friends close for support..I usually don't tell people to not to give someone a second chance, but this guy is SCUM and to be honest, I don't think you know him very well at all. His actions are showing you who he is, so yes, he is the baby's father, but will he be there? I doubt it.. And he definately won't be there for you.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Will he change or won't he? Will the marriage work out despite the fact there is a history of cheating? Are you making a mistake if you marry him or not? These are questions that NO ONE can truly answer. Because there are cases where men and women have cheat (and a few of them several dozen times), but something sparks in them and they change, and there are plenty of cases where things never change. It is all about you and that child now. You have to be willing to live with the chances and consequences that comes with him. It is obvious that BEFORE YOU decide to marry him, you two definitely need a lot of outside counseling. He has proven that he has the ability to be untrustworthy and a flight risk, now the question is is he going to prove to you that he is willing to and will change. I am not going to say dump him or stay, but that you have to look at his track record, weigh the risk and make a decision. DNR And yes, like Whichway said... Get and STD test done on all three of you ASAP!
jj33 Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Honey he has lied to you during the entire relationship you cant trust him now. I have a friend whose H cheated on her while she was pregnant they were in his words the happiest they had ever been since they married some 10 years ago and out of nowhere he cheated. Very uncharacteristic for him I knew him well. Several years later it still haunts her tho she is happy she had the child. But to cheat on your partner while they are pregnant is to me inexcusable. To cheat on you throughout your WHOLE relationship. There is no basis for you to trust him now. Putting a relationship back together after someone has cheated is very precarious in the best of situations. But here where you werent even married and he admits hes been lying since day 1, I think the best thing you can do for yourself is just pretend he is in Afghanistan forever. Get a support order against him, health insurance for your baby the STD tests and put him behind you. He behaved shamefully. If you stay with him its all but guaranteed that in a few years (maybe even a few months) the whole cycle will start over again. Take good care.
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