Interesting little conundrum I'm having.

[MalachiX]

Ok, I'm in a bit of an odd situation as far as my life goes.

 

About nine months ago (at the begining of the year as I was turning 24), I ended up having a really hard time. I felt like my life wasn't going anywhere, I wasn't doing what I wanted to do, I had no friends, and my long distance realtionship wasn't working. I ended up falling into a deep depression, giving up on everything, and the 2 1/2 year realtionship collapsed. I was a mess.

 

For a few months I was totally adrift with no sense of purpose and no focus. Then, I forced myself to get my head together, started pursuing my goals again, and moved on with my life.

 

So now things are a lot better. I'm doing a lot better in my career, seem to have a lot more opportunities, have a lot of people who seem to respect me, and am generally feeling pretty good about myself. I even got rid of my old PoS car and ditched my hippie haircut (both things weren't exactly helping me when going to business meetings).

 

Everything seems to be going better than it was for those months after my break-up....EXCEPT MY LOVE LIFE!!! For those few months after the beak-up, I seemed to be seeing so many more options with women. I was meeting them more easily, having no trouble getting phone numbers or striking up a conversation, and was generally confident in my ability to eventually find another girl. I was doing better than I'd ever done despite really feeling I wasn't ready for another relationship.

 

Well now I'm comfortable with myself and my life and I feel ready to actually try again as far as a serious realtionship goes but suddenly it seems like there are no opportunities now.

 

I'm not sure what it is. Maybe I'm more cautious now. Perhaps after the break-up I felt I had nothing to lose. I didn't feel like anyone liked or respected me so I didn't care if I made an ass of myself and I wasn't at all worried about any heart-break since I was already heart-broken and just wanted someone to distract me from thoughts of my EX.

 

Or, perhaps just the sad, melodramatic, adrift guy thing is just more attractive to girls my age. Maybe the broken guy I was before was less threatening or I felt like someone they could try to fix. I still remember several occasions a few months ago when I'd start out well, just hanging out, but then lose a girl when I actually started to talk about my goals and stuff.

 

It's just rather frustrating because I finally like who I am again. In fact, I'm probably more confident and comfortable with myself than I've ever been (going through a huge break-down and coming out the other side does that to you).

 

Any thoughts?

[InLimbo2]

the old cliche of there's never anyone when you are looking and trying, but when you aren't they'll drop right in your lap?

 

I've actually found the cliche to be pretty accurate.

 

 

 

Ok, I'm in a bit of an odd situation as far as my life goes.

 

About nine months ago (at the begining of the year as I was turning 24), I ended up having a really hard time. I felt like my life wasn't going anywhere, I wasn't doing what I wanted to do, I had no friends, and my long distance realtionship wasn't working. I ended up falling into a deep depression, giving up on everything, and the 2 1/2 year realtionship collapsed. I was a mess.

 

For a few months I was totally adrift with no sense of purpose and no focus. Then, I forced myself to get my head together, started pursuing my goals again, and moved on with my life.

 

So now things are a lot better. I'm doing a lot better in my career, seem to have a lot more opportunities, have a lot of people who seem to respect me, and am generally feeling pretty good about myself. I even got rid of my old PoS car and ditched my hippie haircut (both things weren't exactly helping me when going to business meetings).

 

Everything seems to be going better than it was for those months after my break-up....EXCEPT MY LOVE LIFE!!! For those few months after the beak-up, I seemed to be seeing so many more options with women. I was meeting them more easily, having no trouble getting phone numbers or striking up a conversation, and was generally confident in my ability to eventually find another girl. I was doing better than I'd ever done despite really feeling I wasn't ready for another relationship.

 

Well now I'm comfortable with myself and my life and I feel ready to actually try again as far as a serious realtionship goes but suddenly it seems like there are no opportunities now.

 

I'm not sure what it is. Maybe I'm more cautious now. Perhaps after the break-up I felt I had nothing to lose. I didn't feel like anyone liked or respected me so I didn't care if I made an ass of myself and I wasn't at all worried about any heart-break since I was already heart-broken and just wanted someone to distract me from thoughts of my EX.

 

Or, perhaps just the sad, melodramatic, adrift guy thing is just more attractive to girls my age. Maybe the broken guy I was before was less threatening or I felt like someone they could try to fix. I still remember several occasions a few months ago when I'd start out well, just hanging out, but then lose a girl when I actually started to talk about my goals and stuff.

 

It's just rather frustrating because I finally like who I am again. In fact, I'm probably more confident and comfortable with myself than I've ever been (going through a huge break-down and coming out the other side does that to you).

 

Any thoughts?

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Honestly, you can say that when you feel great people will flock to you and shen you feel like crap, no on is there. There is a lot to be said for that. But sometimes I think it is all a crapshoot. Sometimes we feel great about ourselves, and our lives are running on all cylinders, and yet no one is there. Maybe it is just timing. Sometimes people are there, and sometimes they aren't. Sometimes we can attribute that to our behavior, and sometimes we can't. I'm all for looking at what image you are projecting to the world, but sometimes there just isn't anyone there. It has nothing to do with your attitude or outlook, it just is. So I guess what I am saying is, don't sweat it! It is just a dull period. nothing more, nothing less. things will pick up again.

[MalachiX]

Honestly, you can say that when you feel great people will flock to you and shen you feel like crap, no on is there. There is a lot to be said for that. But sometimes I think it is all a crapshoot. Sometimes we feel great about ourselves, and our lives are running on all cylinders, and yet no one is there. Maybe it is just timing. Sometimes people are there, and sometimes they aren't. Sometimes we can attribute that to our behavior, and sometimes we can't. I'm all for looking at what image you are projecting to the world, but sometimes there just isn't anyone there. It has nothing to do with your attitude or outlook, it just is. So I guess what I am saying is, don't sweat it! It is just a dull period. nothing more, nothing less. things will pick up again.

 

Thanks for the advice. I guess my concern comes from my view that good times are few and far between. When things are going well, I always have the fear in the back of my head that it will end soon. I guess my current "rush" to enjoy dating again is that I worry that I'll go through another bad period and I DON'T want to be in a relationship when I'm not feeling good about myself. I don't want to seek someone when I'm vunerable or weak. I'd really like to do it when I feel I'm being who I should be.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

We are always afraid that the shoe will always drop. When things are good, it is only a matter of time before they turn the other way.

 

Not true. It is a crapshoot. Having good fortune doesn't mean bad fortune is on the way. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. It has nothing to do with how you are living your life.

 

 

You are feeling good right now. Awesome. Fantastic! Live your life and make the most of it. You might meet someone, you might not. Nonetheless, you are going to have an awesome time right now, and you should enjoy every minute of it. Don't worry about meeting someone. You can't time it perfectly. Enjoy your success.