Tired of his shenanigans

[zooey22]

I started dating this 24 year old guy about eight months ago, I'm 22. We had been friends for a month or so and when we realized we were attracted to each other and he expressed an in interest in seeing me, I agreed, but also told him that I wasn't looking for flings or friends with benefits - if he was seeing me, he was seeing me. I didn't ask for a commitment or anything, and I was fine with a seeing where it goes sort of situation, but I wanted him to know that I wasn't going to be treated casually. He was all up for it, saying he'd treat me like a princess if I only gave him a chance. After a few conversations, we decided to start seeing each other.

 

We started spending a lot of time together, we realized we shared a lot of similar interests and things were going well. But as soon as I started getting attached because of all this time and affection we were showering on each other, he started panicking. After about two months of "seeing" each other, he told me we needed to take a "step back." Which was his way of saying that we end whatever we were doing and go back to being friends.

 

I was angry and upset and he was baffled as to why I felt this way. Clearly, he assumed that everything would just go back to normal - we would go back to being friends immediately. He made excuses like, "we weren't even officially dating, so why do you think I dumped you?" I was really pissed off with him and ignored him.

 

About a week after the "dumping" he asked to meet me for a bit, and I did. Of course, once I met him, it was a simple case of resentment giving way to familiarity and comfort and we hooked up. We sorta kinda got back together, never defining anything. I was scared of being alone, I decided to not pressure him into telling me what we were. We saw each other almost everyday, we had fun, we had common friends, we were at events together - everything. He still wasn't emotionally available, I still kept biding for time. I assumed that he cared about me a great deal because he always wanted me around. So I thought it was just a matter of time before he'd ask for exclusivity.

 

It never happened. By the end of about six months, I was frustrated. I couldn't go on anymore not even having an answer for my friends. They'd ask what we were doing and I wouldn't know what to say. I asked him to tell me what we were. He said he couldn't be in anything serious, he was just messed up from some girl who he was mad about earlier and who broke his heart, his work was ridiculous, he was planning to leave the country bla bla bla. I was sick to my stomach of his excuses, and I left. He cried, saying he doesn't want to lose me but that he just CAN'T, and that's all, CAN'T commit. No reasons, no explanations, no logic at all.

 

Well, I was fed up and walked out. Only to get weak and succumb to his calls and texts. He still wanted to be friends. I was in such an emotional hole, on the one hand I couldn't believe I had let someone break me like this, pounding on my heart until it became numb and on the other, I had no confidence or self-esteem left to tell myself that I didn't need him. So I let him be "friends." It broke my heart all over again. When we'd meet alone, he'd be all over me, would have a hard time keeping his hands to himself and I'd be the centre of his world. And when we'd meet in a group, I'd become someone he barely knew. He landed up at the hospital when he found out I was sick. He bought me things he knew I'd secretly been lusting after. He took me for dinners. And then, when I'd get confused by these gestures and ask him if he'd changed his mind about me, he'd get frustrated and say we were talking about the same stuff over and over again. If I ever got upset about something, and cried, he'd moan about how weepy I was. Three times I told him I needed space, he'd agree, and we'd go without talking for four-five days and somehow, we'd end up talking again, and going through the same rut again. By this point, I'd realized he had no respect for me, no belief in my ability to live without me and was basically treating me like a dog who'd always be loyal and who he could appease by handing out a treat now and then.

 

Since the beginning of October, I started distancing myself from him. Not calling, not asking to meet up and we seemed fine. I started putting in more energy into myself, into friends who really cared about me, into things I enjoyed doing. This Thursday, I was hanging out at his place and at first, he was the same - getting cuddly, crossing the line, but barely just. He just has a hard time keeping his horniness at bay if I'm around - cuz I've been such an easy lay in the past. Finally, after possibly getting frustrated with himself and the lack of sex in his life, he started acting passive aggressive towards me. Not asking me to leave, but being snappy. I asked him what his problem was, if he wanted me to go home. He said, "I don't want to kick you out!" And I was like, "You can't really expect me to stay after you say that!" I got up, prepared to leave and he just started whining about how he didnt want me to leave in a huff, how he was just stressed about work and me being there was a distraction. I told him how I felt about his hot and cold behavior and he whined about how I keep making all the little things about the bigger issues when that's not the case and things like, "When we went out in a group on Saturday, I PAID for your drinks, what more do you want?" I was just shocked to hear that. We argued for a bit, he said some awful things about me, and then immediately apologised (it's a pattern) and finally after bickering we come to some sort of peace-fire, and I said I'd go home now. After saying things like that to me (not for the first time), he told me he wanted a hug, so I lay next to him and he hugged me. I soon got up and said a cheerful goodbye and left.

 

Since then, I've kept him blocked on all my IMs because that's his main mode of communication with me - he barely calls. And even though its Sunday now, he hasn't called. I'm not sure what to do now - I want this guy to stop messing me around and though NC is very tempting, it's also not feasible because we are in the same social circle and if we bump into each other on a night out, I'll have a hard time explaining why I'm avoiding him. I thought the best thing would be to keep him blocked from IMs, and to take his calls, keep them short and impersonal, that I needn't be resentful or bring up anything in the past. If he suggests meeting up, I maintain that I'm busy or have plans. I don't want to be around him, cuz it will end up the same way, where I'm dissatisfied with what he does, and he reacts saying he's doing all he can.

 

What do you suggest?

[UnamedSeven]

Just distance yourself as much as possible. There has to be something thats really keeping him down. No 24 year old can have these types of behaviors. Tell him that when hes ready to have a serious conversation about what future may be between you 2, to meet up somewhere.

 

If he says there is no future other than friendship, just completely delete him from your life. He's hurt you badly enough and doesn't deserve what you really are.