spookie Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 I saw a picture today of my ex, the one I've been in love with for years. It was a Halloween party he attended with his new gf. Both were sweaty and half-naked and he was holding her close. I felt sick to my stomach... but not from the reason you'd think. I only felt nauseous because I realized how sick I would be if I saw something like that featuring B, my boss. I am in love with him. His clock is ticking... really loudly. He's single for now (I'm 99% sure) but I am SO SCARED he's going to meet someone and get married and have children in the near future (aka a couple of years, before he stops being my boss and I can act on my crush). I'm nervous about the depth of the depression I'd sink into if I heard he was seeing someone. What can I do? It's not just a silly crush. I haven't felt like this about anyone, ever.
Nemo Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Hide under his desk. You can figure out the rest.
JamesM Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Yes, if it is meant to be it will happen. The question is...will you want it if id does happen? And have you ever fallen in love with a boss before? If he was a coworker on par, would you still love him?
Author spookie Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 Yes, if it is meant to be it will happen. The question is...will you want it if id does happen? And have you ever fallen in love with a boss before? If he was a coworker on par, would you still love him? How can it happen if both of us love our jobs and neither wants to get fired? Is there a tactful way I could bring up getting transferred to another division of the company? Can I go into HR and explain that while nothing against company policy has happened, working for someone I'm in love with causes me a great deal of stress, and then hope for the best? I've never fallen in love with a boss before, and I know I'm not attracted to him just for that reason. I just love everything about him, how he's simultaneously mature and boyish, how smart he is, the intense sexual chemistry, how he's much more masculine than I but still really nice. It's really not just a stupid crush. I have an intense gut feeling about this, like I've never had about anyone else. I think we'd be perfect for each other. I love my job and being at work but at home most nights I'm in a perpetual state of stress knowing that now that he's done with professional exams, he has all the time in the world to find a mate, and that he's probably looking.
Nemo Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 You're not going to get fired unless you have sex in the office. And then, only if you get caught by the big boss doing it on his desk, or somebody takes a photo with their mobile phone. Work romances happen all the time, and no rule or regulation made a lick of difference. Human nature dictates that attraction trumps everything.
Author spookie Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 You're not going to get fired unless you have sex in the office. And then, only if you get caught by the big boss doing it on his desk, or somebody takes a photo with their mobile phone. Work romances happen all the time, and no rule or regulation made a lick of difference. Human nature dictates that attraction trumps everything. Come on Nemo. Please be serious.
Nemo Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Come on Nemo. Please be serious. I am being serious. Do you think nobody ever dated their boss before, and "got away with it?" It's not that hard to keep your work and private life semi-detached. He doesn't seem like the kind of dude to make a big deal if he's not up for it. And I think he would be up for it. Several times a night, in fact.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Spookie, Grab your girl balls and tell him how you feel. But, make sure he's not spoken for first. If you always wait for the right guy to approach you, you may miss out on the right guy if you had the courage to speak to him. DNR
Author spookie Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 Spookie, Grab your girl balls and tell him how you feel. But, make sure he's not spoken for first. If you always wait for the right guy to approach you, you may miss out on the right guy if you had the courage to speak to him. DNR HE'S MY BOSS. I report directly to him. It's explicitly against company policy for us to be involved, not to mention obviously not a bright idea. Ugh.
Storyrider Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 HE'S MY BOSS. I report directly to him. It's explicitly against company policy for us to be involved, not to mention obviously not a bright idea. Ugh. He's more likely to get in trouble than you are, so he might shy away from it for that reason.
Shygirl15 Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Spookie, Grab your girl balls and tell him how you feel. But, make sure he's not spoken for first. If you always wait for the right guy to approach you, you may miss out on the right guy if you had the courage to speak to him. DNR Don't know about that, DNR. Co-worker, maybe, but her boss??
Author spookie Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 He's more likely to get in trouble than you are, so he might shy away from it for that reason. Yah, I have a feeling he would, which is why I think it's more realistic to work this from the getting-transferred angle. What are good reasons and ways to ask for a transfer? My best idea is to pass all my act sci exams REALLY REALLY FAST and then inform someone that I want to work in health, not life. (Truthfully I couldn't care less because I don't think they're that different). My second best idea is to tell the truth, either to him or to HR, but I'm not sure how well that'd work. Obviously, it's not a very "mature" reason to ask to be transferred, but if I really can't handle the stress then I imagine they would prefer that as an employee I was upfront about it rather than letting it affect my productivity or whatever.... and I know they probably don't want me to start looking for another job. Which, of course, is something I could consider. But I really like this company, I think it's a good fit for me, and I could see myself happy here for years.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Life, love is one big adventure. If you don't take a chance on it, you will most likely miss out on a lot of blessings. For me it would depend. I would date my boss if she met my criteria and I am willing to risk my job to do it, because there are other things I can fall back on and if she is willing to put up with me being unemployed for a spell. If, she's not willing to do that, then I am not going to risk my job. DNR To me love is more important than money, materials, or job.
Nemo Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 To me love is more important than money, materials, or job. Love is all you need. Assuming one swallows, of course,
Shygirl15 Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 I must have missed something probably, but is there any indication that the boss also likes her romantically?
Author spookie Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 I must have missed something probably, but is there any indication that the boss also likes her romantically? Only my "gut" feeling about this, supported by little facts, which could mean absolutely nothing, such as: he checks me out in the mornings, makes lame jokes when we walk around, and remembers everything I say about my personal life (such as when I told him about my roach and he harassed me each day for a week to call my management).
JamesM Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Spookie, as a boss who has had women hit on me in the past, I can say that he will stay as far away from impropriety as possible. That is if he wants to avoid any possibility of a lawsuit. The only way I see you getting with him if you no longer work for him. Now is he more important than our career? While I know you will say yes, think carefully. Assuming that he does go out with you, do you want to work in a job that is less appealing than his for that privilege...really? Now assume that it does not work out, would you still rather have the other job versus this one? Take it slow and wait it out. In a few days/weeks/months, you will have a better idea of your next move.
Nemo Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Spookie, as a boss who has had women hit on me in the past, So you obviously support my idea of hiding under his desk?
Author spookie Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 Spookie, as a boss who has had women hit on me in the past, I can say that he will stay as far away from impropriety as possible. That is if he wants to avoid any possibility of a lawsuit. The only way I see you getting with him if you no longer work for him. Now is he more important than our career? While I know you will say yes, think carefully. Assuming that he does go out with you, do you want to work in a job that is less appealing than his for that privilege...really? Now assume that it does not work out, would you still rather have the other job versus this one? Take it slow and wait it out. In a few days/weeks/months, you will have a better idea of your next move. I am the happiest I have been in my life working where I do now, not because of him, but because I really love my job. I'm not so stupid that I don't realize how lucky I am, and I wouldn't do anything to threaten my employment there. I also think that it's highly unlikely he'd want to have a relationship with me while I was his subordinate because I know how hard he works, how smart he is, and how stupid a move that would be... which is why the question I REALLY want answered, is how can I get transferred to a different department so that it's NOT against company policy for us to date? My company is really about 6 different companies combined, all of which have 2 divisions with people doing what I'm doing. When I was an intern, the plan all along was to have me moved once I started as a "regular" employee, which I'm set to do in Jan... but here now instead of somewhere else. Do you guys think there is anything I can do to change this? (Such as revealing my feelings to him in a I'm-really-stressed-working-for-you so please-move-me sort of confession?)
Storyrider Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 how can I get transferred to a different department so that it's NOT against company policy for us to date? Someone in the other department would need to make a bid for you. Otherwise, why would your current team want to start over from scratch to train your replacement? (Such as revealing my feelings to him in a I'm-really-stressed-working-for-you so please-move-me sort of confession?) You could try some version of this, but it is risky.
Author spookie Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 Someone in the other department would need to make a bid for you. Otherwise, why would your current team want to start over from scratch to train your replacement? Yah. I don't know why. They DO NOT want me to go. I think my best bet is to get so over-qualified that they have to move me to a less-successful division to help them. Right now I'm in the highest-earning division of the company. You could try some version of this, but it is risky. Can you think of any reason it would be risky than the obvious awkwardness that would result if I wasn't moved AND he didn't want to date me? (which is a big risk, obviously, in itself). I might try this on top of option 1.
Storyrider Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Yah. I don't know why. They DO NOT want me to go. I think my best bet is to get so over-qualified that they have to move me to a less-successful division to help them. Right now I'm in the highest-earning division of the company. Can you think of any reason it would be risky than the obvious awkwardness that would result if I wasn't moved AND he didn't want to date me? (which is a big risk, obviously, in itself). I might try this on top of option 1. It is just unpredictable how he'd react. And yeah, you'd have to work with him after the fact. I could see how maybe saying something in a more casual environment rather than in the office might make it go down easier.
Author spookie Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 It is just unpredictable how he'd react. And yeah, you'd have to work with him after the fact. I could see how maybe saying something in a more casual environment rather than in the office might make it go down easier. Yah... going in to his office to blurt this out would be extremely painful. Those seconds before his response would stretch on forever. Ugh. I understand the importance of having a good job, I really do, but is this an *impossible* situation to tackle? I mean, finding someone you could love FOREVER is important too, no? I'm going to take it slow but I need some kind of hope that if we really like each other after x amount of time, something can happen.
allina Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 This isn't impossible. First, don't act like you have a crush on him at work, ever, make sure he never gives you extra attention at work. I know he's your boss but it looks like he isn't a boss that is heavily in charge of you being promoted. I think that if this was a competitive, cut throat work situation is might be different. As far as I'm concerned he's not in charge of you becoming VP of Marketing or Partner in a firm, he just trains you and looks over your figures. I do think this makes it slightly easier. I think you should tell him how you feel, but do it OUTSIDE of the work place or at least after hours. Make sure he knows that you won't do/say anything drastic or public to put him in a sticky situation.
BikerBeagle Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Can I go into HR and explain that while nothing against company policy has happened, working for someone I'm in love with causes me a great deal of stress, and then hope for the bestWHOA THERE SILVER! Never tell HR anything ...never ...not even under an 'open door' policy. If you tell HR you are 'in love' with your boss, they are obligated to act on it (to avoid any possible sexual harassment issues) ...one way or the other, and I'm reasonably certain that you wouldn't like either one of them. Let's put that idea on the planet Jupiter for now, shall we? As for your entire situation ...frankly, I think you are going way too overboard, way too soon for this guy. Maybe you could actually see what his level of interest is before you have him married to you and "in love forever"? I mean, you are here basically planning your entire life together and asking for advice on matters that effect his career ...based on a "gut feeling supported by little else"? Wow.
Recommended Posts