JRLD08 Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 I'm 28 yrs old. Very attractive 5'0 100lbs. My husband and I have been together for 8 yrs. He has a son from a previous marriage and we have a 4 month old daughter together. I've always been a jealous/insecure person my whole life but I've gotten much with age. I'm not as bad as I use to be but i'm still jealous and insecure sometimes. I'm not jealous of people's looks cause I don't think I'm fat or ugly. I'm jealous of my husbands behavior around other people. He seems more happy, and funny around others, and moody and boring with me. It's weird but true. Also it seems like he gives his full undivided attention to others but when it comes to me I feel invisible. Also I always feel like he's doing sneaky secretive things with email, and things behind my back. He tells me I'm crazy and that I need to just look in the mirror and realize that I have no reason to think things like this. I don't mean to feel this way and I hate that I'm this way but it's so hard to control my thoughts. If he's distant with me I always think that he's doing something sneaky or wrong. Does anyone have any advice on how I can get over this? Or any advice on how I can stop feeling this way? I have no reason to feel insecure and jealous. My husband is an honest, faithful man. And I'm an attractive 28 yr old woman with an amazing personality. So I don't know what's going on with me but I need some advice. I know I'm not the only insecure jealous wife out there. Someone please help!!
Ronni_W Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Just following a hunch but...are you sure that "jealous" best describes what you are experiencing? My ex also used to take my love, patience, understanding and forgiveness for granted which, of course, didn't help me feel too good about myself or confident as an individual or his wife. It looked the same as what you're describing -- felt like everyone else got his smiles, sunshine and 'sure, no problem' all the time whereas, with me, he could easily say 'no' and reveal his "darker" side and crappy moods. At the time, I didn't have the best words for my own feelings -- always just went between confusion and blaming myself. I found it much easier on my mind and heart once I put different (more descriptive/accurate) words to my feelings. To that end. Could it be "upset" that he seems more able and willing to give his 'best behaviour' to others than to you? Or "fear" that he may think you are less interesting than other people? Or "neglected/ignored" by, and "emotionally distant" from, your husband? Our diminishing self-confidence can make us feel insecure about our own ability to make/keep them happy and interested in us...we start to experience "trust issues" about our own abilities, and fears about our future happiness, which we end up projecting onto them. If any of this is resonating, you may find the articles on emotional needs interesting: marriagebuilders.com A link to an insecurities page: http://www.coping.org/growth/security.htm Coping.org also deals with jealousy under a number of different 'relationships' topics: http://www.coping.org/relations/content.htm
Isis1808 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 This is exactly the same thing im going through right now, but we're not married and we only have one child (9 months). I am also insecure/jealous but ive always told my partner that it comes from his actions which of course his response is "but im not doing anything wrong". This really helps me as well, Ronni_w, thanks so much for posting this, i hope this helps others as well.
Ronni_W Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Glad I could help, Isis. May I suggest that you start using different words, with him and to yourself? For example, "I feel upset (ignored, neglected) when ___" instead of just "I feel/act insecure and jealous." Also, tell him that you KNOW he isn't doing anything "wrong"...you just would like it if he also did some of everything that he is doing "right" when he is interacting with you, not just when he's interacting with everyone else. Tell him that you LIKE that he can do so many "right" things; that you find his ability to do that very attractive. Now, give you some of it, please .
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