lofi_tokyo Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 *** After writing all this I realized it sounds more like a letter to him... which trust me, isn't my style, so it would never be sent *** So with an ex from long ago, about a year and a half (I think) after him leaving me for another woman, I was in a good place, so was he, we went out for lunch for the hell of it and just talked it all out. What happened? Where were we in our lives? Its been two months now since my most recent ex and I broke up. We are not at a point where we can talk frankly about our relationship, and while I have pretty much came to terms with everything, I somehow doubt my ex is in a place where he can objectively look at our relationship anyways. So I'm posting here the... truth? Summary? Or our breakup and relationship. The conclusion him and I would draw a few years down the road if we met up: We had a good run. Two and a half years of long distance. Another year and a half if we had stayed together. We did well for ourselves, I think, given the circumstances. You (my ex) said the long distance killed you, you always did, but you held on because you didn't want things to end. You couldn't communicate your feelings over a thin telephone line, you were best at showing your love in person - and who isn't? I never really blamed the distance for breaking me down on my end, I always blamed my problems on you not showing you cared enough, but now I realize, it was impossible for you to express your feelings on the phone or in text. We needed to be together. That once every month and a half visit was nice, those days became our small moments in heaven, and we squeezed the most out of each moment - even if it was just sitting next to eachother on our computers playing games. Sadly, thats all we had really. I was selfish, and I'm sorry. I had a good circle of friends at the time, not the best, but pretty good. I was active in sports and school activities. I went out and was experiencing life. I took for granted that you're quite quiet. I mean, you're social, but you don't have many close friends, and rather than getting involved in events you prefer just staying at home. Which is fine. But I'd go out and play, and you'd wait at home for me to call. In many ways it was a great set up for me, and a ****ty one for you. That being said, I payed for all the plane tickets, payed most of our expenses, and tried my best to get involved in things you liked - but in hindsight, for all my complaining about the lack of love you showed me, how much did I fail to show you? Its no surprise then that while I was in Japan for one month - though I thought of you every moment I was there - you moved on. You told me you met her at a vulnerable point in your life. Immediately after our breakup, I hated you for that. Now though, I can only wish you the best. Finally you can have a normal relationship, and have someone there to be with you when you're lonely. Theres someone to get you out of the house. I used to be jealous with the new girl because I always wanted to be that person, but now... I'm happy for you. I guess if this has shifted from a possible convo in the future to a spelling out of right now. But oh well. My point is... I will miss my ex dearly. As much as I can call him a cheater (he is), or a bad boyfriend (he had his faults), I am equally to blame. I don't think we were incompatible necessarily, we had wonderful times together, but I think given the circumstances, there was just no way. We tried so hard until it broke us both. He found someone to put him back together. As for me? I'm slowly gathering up the pieces. Sorry this was long. If any of you read it through I'm throughly impressed.
MichiganMan222 Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 Its a very nice message. Sounds like me. My ex had an emotional affair with someone she met by chance when she was vulnerable. I made her vulnerable, but in all my heart, had he not been in the equation, we would've worked things out. When it was coming to the end, I pulled my head out of my ass, but it was too late. I blame me for the problems. I blame her for the end. She hammered the nail in the coffin, but I handed her the nail. Anyway, I love your post. I wish I was that good at putting my thoughts to words. I would have a LOT to say.
Author lofi_tokyo Posted November 1, 2008 Author Posted November 1, 2008 I think both him and I were equally responsible for our relationship falling apart. We tried though, we did. We just both needed to be a bit more grown up to know how to deal with our personal problems. C'est la vie! Time to move on. ;p He cried and cried when we broke up. When I got on the plane he said "I love you". I asked him if he really did, he say "Yes". I believe he did, possibly still does, but he realized something before me - it just was not working. Is your ex still with the new man Michigan?
MichiganMan222 Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 Yes, bet they've been 'officially' together for only a week or so now. And based on what I know about him (and her) I don't think its a long term thing; him being pure rebound notwithstanding. She was massive in love with me and it just shut off? I even had a conversation with her within the week and she was accusing me of being with someone specific. I was thinking to myself-you're with someone yourself. What do you care?!! We had a final 'goodbye' night. She said she loved me too and always would. We both cried knowing it was the last time ever. Sounds like yours. She was in love (maybe even moreso than I was) but knew it wasn't healthy. So she ended it.
northstar1 Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 Yes, bet they've been 'officially' together for only a week or so now. And based on what I know about him (and her) I don't think its a long term thing; him being pure rebound notwithstanding. She was massive in love with me and it just shut off? I even had a conversation with her within the week and she was accusing me of being with someone specific. I was thinking to myself-you're with someone yourself. What do you care?!! We had a final 'goodbye' night. She said she loved me too and always would. We both cried knowing it was the last time ever. Sounds like yours. She was in love (maybe even moreso than I was) but knew it wasn't healthy. So she ended it. It sounds like it's only a rebound, if you can take any comfort in that. She probably does still love you, but for whatever reason, it couldn't work. I doubt she just shut it off.
Nemo Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 Sorry this was long. If any of you read it through I'm throughly impressed. I skimmed to this bit. What did I miss? Anyway, it's important to take some time to reflect over past relationships, but not to the point of replaying things over and over again in one's mind. Because the truth has long since gone, and we are left with the haunting sound of echoes from the past. Just kidding. You remember both the good, and the not-so-good. But don't waste too much time living in the past, when your future beckons. Learn any lessons that need to be learned, and move forward. Or, at least, sideways. That's unless you've given up on ever finding a love-so-sweet again. If that's your lot in life, then living in the past can be the best way to go. Remember that the most beautiful moments can't be frozen in time, so while you are breathing, make a point of sucking the marrow out of every brightly twinkling happening. Plan to have no regrets, and pursue your dreams relentlessly.
Author lofi_tokyo Posted November 1, 2008 Author Posted November 1, 2008 I skimmed to this bit. What did I miss? Anyway, it's important to take some time to reflect over past relationships, but not to the point of replaying things over and over again in one's mind. Because the truth has long since gone, and we are left with the haunting sound of echoes from the past. Just kidding. You remember both the good, and the not-so-good. But don't waste too much time living in the past, when your future beckons. Learn any lessons that need to be learned, and move forward. Or, at least, sideways. That's unless you've given up on ever finding a love-so-sweet again. If that's your lot in life, then living in the past can be the best way to go. Remember that the most beautiful moments can't be frozen in time, so while you are breathing, make a point of sucking the marrow out of every brightly twinkling happening. Plan to have no regrets, and pursue your dreams relentlessly. Hahaha Nemo ;p nice little intro there Yeah I know not to live in the past. And I'm not. Right now is... today. I'm leaving each day happily and thats about all I need. Its okay being without my ex, I've come to realize I'm happier knowing were happy apart then knowing we're together and miserable. One day, it will be nice to be able to be over him entirely, him the same, and maybe we can just talk to reminisce. But other than that, the chapter involving him in my life has drawn its close. ;p
EmperorR Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 nice letter, even though my ex is a cheater a liar backstabber to, i do miss her dearly and a part of me will always love her
JooLee Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 My point is... I will miss my ex dearly. As much as I can call him a cheater (he is), or a bad boyfriend (he had his faults), I am equally to blame. I don't think we were incompatible necessarily, we had wonderful times together, but I think given the circumstances, there was just no way. We tried so hard until it broke us both. He found someone to put him back together. As for me? I'm slowly gathering up the pieces. i really like what you said here. i feel the same way about my ex relationship and i think it takes a lot of growing up and maturity to realise that. and as much as it hurts (more jealous) that he has someone else who have put him back together.. i think you and i are on the road of better recovery and being a better person gathering the piece ourselves cheers to us and everyone who has made it through!
Author lofi_tokyo Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 Yup, we're getting there slowly... the light really is at the end of the tunnel. Whew!
Nemo Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Yup, we're getting there slowly... the light really is at the end of the tunnel. Whew! That light might not be what you think it is. Whew! Whew!
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