milkshake Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 all i have in my life is my boyfriend- we've been together for a year. one day he said: you've met all my friends! i havent met any of your friends!! what a joke! i have one girl from school ive known since i was 11 who i go out with to keep up a veneer of normalacy but i HATE spending time with her so i text her saying there was no point anymore. once i started going out with my boyfriend i felt she wasnt happy 4 me but she should have been cos i was awful shy growing up and hes my first proper love. ive always only ever had one friend at a time,, always wished i was part of a group. my flatmate has alwaysgot friends over. shes managed to hold on to ones from secondary school, uni, old jobs, old flames. shes never ever depressed or sad. i admire her alot and wish i cud spend just one day in her shoes. over halloween she had her best friend stay for a couple of nites so i have went out of my way to not be there. i cant bear to hear her laugh or joke with friends cos it hurts soo bad u wudnt believe. ive thot about anti-depressants and stuff cos maybe that wud make me more lite-hearted! its true tho i often distance myself from people who talk about thmeselves too much..maybe im too wrapped up in my own probs to really listen to people...please tell me im not alone. i am a great believer in positive thinking...i often visualise me walking towads a big table where i sit down and everyone is genuinely glad to see him and they welcome me with big open arms. where do i start? x
vintagecat Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Well you can probably start by rereading your post. You believe in positive thinking but you can't stand to be around happy laughing people. You are jealous of your flatmate's ability to hold onto relationships from the past yet you cut off the one friend that you did have because you felt she wasn't happy enough about your relationship with your boyfriend and because you hated spending time with her. You distance yourself from people because they talk about themselves though you admit that you are wrapped up in your problems too much to be concerned about them. Perhaps it might be time to recognize the possibility that you might not like other people as a group or individuals and aren't willing to put up with their human frailties enough to be a good friend to much of anyone. You are probably a loner that needs to get used to that fact and no anti-depressant on the planet will reverse a self involved navel gazing orientation. You are alone because you choose to be alone (with the exception of your boyfriend) and your comfort zone is that of being alone. If you really want to change I'd suggest counseling both one on one and group sessions but it will take time, money and a strong will to do this. I realize that this wasn't the 20 second makeover, pop a pill and your world will be better advice that you were probably hoping for but you are young and you can either continue to do what you always do and continue to reap the same results or you can make changes in your attitude your level of forgiveness and your behavior to slowly change your life. For now as far as having friends, you are probably your own worst enemy. Best of luck to you.
Green Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Its your attitude, you seem to have trouble opening up to people so how do you expect them to open up to you. Just look at the way you treated your only friend by telling them you no longer see the point. People like having connections with other people and if you just acted friendly you could probably have a close group of friends by the end of the month.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 I'm like you. I have only two friends right now and we are separated by states. I have been back in NYC and around my old block for over 3 years now and I still hang out with myself. However, it does not make me depressed. I think some people are made for each type of human interaction there is. Some were made to have friends out the Yin Yang and others just one. Now it is up to you to decide if you are happy with this or not. What you may want to do is get with your flatmate, talk to her, see if she would not mind introducing you to some of her friends. Or you can ask her to help you throw a party from some co-workers. Invite some over just for a little get together. Or try going to places where people share like hobbies and interests like you and try getting involved. DNR
Author milkshake Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 that was harsh but its what i needed to hear. you are all right except i stand by my decision to cut off this "friendship" because it was intoxicating to me. i have begun to listen more to people and the other night i opened up to my flatmate and she said the same thing as you guys- that i distance myself because i want so badly to look as though i am so independent. i am in the process of changing already. i feel healthier and freer. yes it will take time but i know i''ll get there in the end.
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