Missmissymiss Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 I just don't know what to do or where to go for help. I am sorry if this post is a bit longwinded...but I am really hurting and confused right now. I met my boyfriend (ex now? )online 2 years ago. It was SO magical in the beginning-- we talked ALL the time, he was smart, cute, shy. I fell in love very quickly and he said he was in love with me, too. We met a total of 3 times in the past 2 years, but we stayed in contact on the phone and instant messenger, etc. so it seemed like there was o distance between us. We made plans for our future together. He started a new job last year and instead of being around women, he was surrounded by men (rough men at that) and his attitude changed COMPLETELY. He was frequently mean, derogatory and callous. The tension was almost always constant. Any little thing I did set him off. He had done some PRETTY rotten things in the past year, he called and made a false report on me (twice) and spread lies about me online, even posting personal contact information in a chatroom we both frequented and also saying very mean things about my family and myself, on more than one occasion. I forgave him every time. Things would get better, but they would return with a vengeance, each instance worse than the one before. We had a visit back in September. Everything was great (so I thought) but as soon as he went back home, he was evil AGAIN. About 3 weeks ago, he was afraid he would get laid off from his job, so instead of us talking about it, he ignored me for 5 days. I called and begged him to talk and he answered the phone and said "It's over, I don't want you so stop calling.":lmao: I cried my heart out. Then, 2 days after that, he contacted me and we worked things out and NOW--it has been 8 days since I last talked to him. He is blatantly ignoring me. He ignores my phone calls, my instant messages, everything. The rejection is so painful, I didn't try to contact him until today and of course, I got ignored. I talked to a friend about everything he has done. Not only did my friend tell me that he was an abuser (emotional), he also showed signs of being a sociopath (this friend is a therapist). I actually feel a bit of relief since I haven't talked to him, no more wondering if he is going to yell at me, no more trying to guess what kind of mood he is in, etc. but at the same time, I REALLY love him and when the times are good, they are good. He told me he is lonely, then he told me he is incapable of love and I have seen him being loving and caring and I have also witnessed him being cold and flat out evil. I guess my big question is: HOW do I get him off of my mind? I know it would never work, I would spend the rest of my life trying to prove to this guy that I am worthy of his love. He doesn't even talk to his own family unless he is getting something out of the deal. Is this another case of trying to change someone that can't be changed? He has me so hurt that I can't get my mind off of him. What do I do? I would LOVE for us to work things out, but I know from the past that I am ALWAYS the one to cry and beg and he just up and stops talking to me with NO warning. Its constant anxiety. I did a list of pros and cons in our relationship and I couldn't find one pro other than "I love him". Anyone else been through this? When does it end?
You'reasian Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 What do I do? I would LOVE for us to work things out, but I know from the past that I am ALWAYS the one to cry and beg and he just up and stops talking to me with NO warning. Its constant anxiety. I did a list of pros and cons in our relationship and I couldn't find one pro other than "I love him". Anyone else been through this? When does it end? Step outside of the situation and pull out your emotions... Do pretty much what the rest of the board would suggest you do - go No Contact. Remove his phone number. Remove his email. Tell him that you do not wish to speak with him. Do not try to change this guy. Only God and circumstance can change people, so its not your responsibility. Assuming he's the ultimate jerk/sociopath that you say he is, his actions would certainly speak for him. If he's uncapable of love, then it will show itself again and again until corrected.
Recommended Posts