signedin2008 Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 Maybe your wife realize she's straight and want to live a straight life.
iceis44 Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Sex does not start for a woman when you get in the bed, Sex starts with a soft peck of a kiss, a light touch of the hair, words of encourgement no matter how hard your day was. Effort, effort, effort, interaction, interaction, interaction I believe exceptional lovemaking starts everywhere but the bedroom.
soserious1 Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Sex does not start for a woman when you get in the bed, Sex starts with a soft peck of a kiss, a light touch of the hair, words of encourgement no matter how hard your day was. Effort, effort, effort, interaction, interaction, interaction I believe exceptional lovemaking starts everywhere but the bedroom. I am a newly divorced woman after a few years of a sexless marriage,I have to respectfully disagree.
iceis44 Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 I am a newly divorced woman after a few years of a sexless marriage,I have to respectfully disagree. ha soserious looks like we both got edited, ho hum
Dark-N-Romantic Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Goldstar lets clear the air on one thing... YOU WERE WISE TO TURN TO A COUPLE WHO MAY HAVE BEEN THERE. Now to get on the ones who are talking negatively about you, you need to explain what HAVE YOU DONE TO HELP AROUND THE HOUSE. Right now they are ASSUMING you are a part of the problem. And if you are a part, be honest and up front about it. Is there something you are doing that may be putting her off? Next thing, YES YOU ARE RIGHT FOR ASKING HER TO GO TO COUNSELING. Especially if you have been patient and tried listening to her about her problem. But, if there is a communication problem between the both of you, THEN COUNSELING IS STILL GOOD. Now her refusal to go on any level shows she is disconnecting herself. The statement about you not wanting to cheat. BIG MISTAKE BUDDY! You just told your wife you are evening thinking about sex with another woman. You just set yourself at getting to the issues of your wife back. And if you are really think about cheating on her, it is best that you think about closing the marriage, before you add another problem to your marital issues. That is cowardice and wrong! But, at least you show concern and that you really want to work on things. Too many people today would have been left or cheated on their spouse. I commend you on your courage and your dedication. I wish you and your loved ones well. DNR
demrea Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Sex does not start for a woman when you get in the bed, Sex starts with a soft peck of a kiss, a light touch of the hair, words of encourgement no matter how hard your day was. Effort, effort, effort, interaction, interaction, interaction I believe exceptional lovemaking starts everywhere but the bedroom. only if it is a two way street. why should the man have to go all the way to her starting point in each case. i would like sex to start in a nasty place, i think my wife should do her part 50% of the time too. no? or only the man has to make the effort of understanding and serving the spouses mental needs?
Author Goldstar Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 Have you tried asking her what she would like you to be doing for her, or together? Maybe a little more romance? A regular babysitter so you two can go out on dates? A weekend away from the toddler so you two can relax and reconnect? Yes I ask. I suggested the date nights. She won't leave the baby for a weekend away. Do you compliment her, make her feel special? Or are you only talking about the lack of sex and not asking yourself or her whether you might need to court her and make her feel sexy? I try to do that on a regular basis. I know how to court her. It's almost if all her needs are met by the baby. Like that's enough for her somehow. Mutal friends have told me I do a good job of complementing her. We are very touchy-feely, just no deep kisses and no sex for like a year. I am very concerned. Everyone is starting to look good to me. I won't have an affair. I did that in a previous relationship and I will never do it again. I have a wonderful life, beautiful partner, great child, just no passion and I really miss it. Maybe your wife realize she's straight and want to live a straight life. No that's not it. I asked specifically about that also. Now to get on the ones who are talking negatively about you, you need to explain what HAVE YOU DONE TO HELP AROUND THE HOUSE. Right now they are ASSUMING you are a part of the problem. And if you are a part, be honest and up front about it. Is there something you are doing that may be putting her off? I am the breadwinner, she is a stay home mom with baby in daycare. I do half the chores. Very often she tells me things she doesn't like so I change, but funny thing is it doesn't seem to bring us closer. Example, she didn't like me drinking so I quit completely. I thought it was my weight so I have lost weight. The statement about you not wanting to cheat. BIG MISTAKE BUDDY! You just told your wife you are evening thinking about sex with another woman. It's to the point I stay or leave. I don't know how to communicate that better.
annieo Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 A year without sex? That is horrible, not abuse, but definitely severe neglect of you, your feelings, your relationship with each other. And if she's at home but the baby is in daycare (???), and you are carrying half of the household chores, I think your wife is getting a very sweet deal. Maybe too sweet. I work (as does my h) and I still shoulder the majority of the mundane around the house crap. And I still have a sex drive. I think that most healthy people would start to find just about everybody looking good in this situation. I know I would. She needs to know that if she has decided to check out of the physical part of your relationship, that you are going to have your needs met elsewhere. It's not cheating if you're honest about it. Has she explained to you why she's no longer interested?
Dark-N-Romantic Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Goldstar, I am a big fan on seeking help where I am weak at. There are a lot great resources both published or through counseling that might help you with your communication issues, actually both of y'alls. Best of luck to you. I hope you find the answer and that it is something that is made for the right reasons and for the right ending. DNR
Author Goldstar Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 Has she explained to you why she's no longer interested? Nope but she gets angry when I bring it up. That's what I don't get. It pushes her away (her words) when I ask about it. She says groveling isn't attractive either. I stopped asking. It's all on her terms I suppose. Her timeline. And in answer to the other post, the baby's father is out of state and out of the picture.
iceis44 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 only if it is a two way street. why should the man have to go all the way to her starting point in each case. i would like sex to start in a nasty place, i think my wife should do her part 50% of the time too. no? or only the man has to make the effort of understanding and serving the spouses mental needs? I never said or implied it was only male sided, as my partner tells me women are more emotional about sex, so men should address that a brush of the hair or arm is much more sexy than a tweek of the nippy, or a "hey how about some head" an effort into " how are you today" might go further than " dam I got wood" etc etc my partner knows I am interested in how his day went, how he is feeling, what can I do to lighten his load, make him more comfortable why? because he makes the same efforts towards me
Recommended Posts