bigbear25 Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 hey guys so I really really like this girl I met and she pretty much is exactly what I want. But, she is scared to get into a relationship now because she has trust issues since she has been cheated on many times. I have done everything I can to make her happy. Ive left her cute voicemails, told her that i love her, held her, and just make her happy. We pretty much text all day everyday. I know that she likes me because she says she wants to trust me but its just gonna take some time. She always says trust can take years sometimes. I am not waiting a year but I'm willing to wait at least for 2-3 months. I'm not a guy thats going to cheat or lie or anything. I just want to take all the pain from her past away because I really care about her. I have never done any of those things with any other girl. So I'm just wondering if there is anything more I can do. I know I have to continue to do these things but whats something that will really make her happy? I really need help because I really want to be with her. It seems like an impossible question to answer but how can I get her trust?
Geishawhelk Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 If you love someone, sometimes you will wait a lifetime - and be happy doing so. If you're going to set limits on her, what you're basically doing is trying to pressure her into seeing things your way which will make her back off. Why? because in trying to 'control' her, youy're telling her you know best. And others have already done that to her. ergo, she doesn't trust them. If you want to prove you're trustworthy, you'll go her way, all down the line.
blkqwn7 Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 Well, it sounds like you can just show her that you are one who can be trust. Might I suggest though that the problem here is not you but her. She has baggage and shouldn't attempt to be in another relationship until she learns that we all get hurt it is a part of life and taking the risk of being in relationships. We learn from them and move on she hasn't learned or moved on. She is stuck into the pain of the one who hurt her and you might need to communicate that to her and give her a ultimatum. I would tell her that I have done everything to show her that I love her not to hurt her deliberately and that she need to give you all a chance. Give her the time you are willing to wait, compromise with her and if she is being unreasonalbe then ask yourself is she really the person for you. I mean she could be the type who hold on to grudges too!
Author bigbear25 Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 yeah im starting to tell her that she needs to move on because she might regret it if I go away but I probably won't. im taking her out next saturday for a movie and dinner. ive told her how i feel about her and she loves it. All she keeps saying is "I want to trust you" but she still doesn't even though I do all of these things. Last night, she said she needs me and then said it'd be easier to date me. I am really confused but I'm pretty confident it'll work out. She isn't feeling good so I left her another voicemail and she loved it. I just don't know what else to do
Walk Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 I am not waiting a year but I'm willing to wait at least for 2-3 months. What exactly are you waiting for? I know you're both calling it "trust", but seems like you want something different from what I would define trust as. Dictionary definition of Trust: 1. Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing. 2. Custody; care. 3. Something committed into the care of another; charge. 4.The condition and resulting obligation of having confidence placed in one 5. Reliance on something in the future; hope. I think in this context, that what she's refering to is numbers 2 and 3. However, what the both of you DO have at this moment is number 5. If she didn't trust you, she wouldn't continue dating you. What's lacking are those months and years of consistent actions showing her that your commited to looking out for HER welfare... that is what builds the foundation for number 1, 2, and 3. No matter what relationship you get in, number 1 can't happen unless there have been enough shared experiences to show the character and motivation of the person is consistent. So, ultimately... I believe you two already have the thing you're both stating you want but the level of trust both of you want hasn't been reached yet. Most levels you just can't reach in a few months. You can't change that no matter what relationship, or what person, you have at the moment. It still takes time. I think what's really lacking is communication, rather then trust. Your actions toward her are great. But I think in addition to that, it would help both of you if you two would talk about what specifically each of you mean when you talk about trust. I'd also ask her what avenues she's explored to come to terms with what happened in her past. What avenues the two of you can take to start building that foundation of deeper trust. etc.. Share your views, ask her for her views. Share your experiences, and ask her to share hers. Maybe you don't feel ready to have that type of conversation with her yet, but I don't believe just telling her you're a trustworthy type guy is going to help in this situation. I think you'll have to dig a bit deeper into that area men dread to tread... communication.
Author bigbear25 Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 yes thank you for those responses. im strongly considering getting her flowers before saturday and giving them to her. I think that would really make her happy. I think that may make a difference. The smallest things can create big opportunities. The good thing is that some of her guy friends sort of betrayed her tonight so im leavin her a voicemail to cheer her up. this is my 6th voicemail in about 1 and 1/2 weeks. this is my time to shine. saturday is a big day in my opinion. if i can show her that i love her through actions she should trust me a little more. i told her that she has to take a chance sometime or she may regret it.
Author bigbear25 Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 ok guys saturday is the big day. she told me to call all of the shots and to do whatever i want. does that mean she wants a kiss? we are just going out to dinner at night and i think i am going to get her some flowers. what kind should i get and how many should i get? she told me that she was always spoiled by her previous ex on dates so i need to do good. and as far as dress is concerned, im not sure what to do thanks
tanbark813 Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 You're trying too hard. Forget the flowers and forget trying to impress her. Just show her a good time. Trying to buy her trust is phony. It doesn't work like that. She's not going to trust you all of a sudden if you buy her a bunch of flowers. Personally she sounds like she has too much baggage, plus she's already telling you she's not ready for a relationship. But if you really want to pursue this then play it cool.
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