mara80 Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 ok..so that's for you to remember i called the guy....i did it ( well if u knew me, u knew that it takes loooads of courage to do it) "here's this person I've met on a weekend evening out. I wasn't really planning to meet people...recently broke up with someone, so i wasn't really in the mood. That was two weeks ago...met once, had a tea....he was calling quite often. I was kinda busy so i was sort of unavailable initially..then I left abroad for 5 days (never told him to whom and for what - playing mysterious you know). Eventually we had a second date...which was a double date, cause we included to do some matchmaking for two friends of ours...and the double date was a FIASCO...he answered when should we see each other....i gave a more than vague answer. then we talked, i sort of reassured him i was still going to see him... he texted me on friday...i called and he asked if i was going to do anything for the weekend 9 said don't have plans but have to finish some stuff). sunday, being away from the city, i texted him something funny and casual...he replied....i replied back....and he didn't answer.... i sent a second text towards the evening....NADA. NIENTE. RIEN. NOTHING. OH WELL,...THE FACT IS THAT HE IS GOING TO LEAVE the COUNTRY FOR THE NEXT TWO MOTHS OR SO. OK I KNOW THERE'S NOT MUCH WE DID/HAD....but i'd call him " ok so i did...on thursday...asked him out...he said ok i've got stuff to do ( he;'s leavong next week), perhaps later...i'll call you....i've been put trying to to think that he should cal....we did speak, later on... he said he'd rather leave it for the weekend, and me, knowing i might not be away ( i was planning a short trip with some friends)...said ok, dunno if i'll be here....but do call, if you wish to, and if i'm in town we'll take it from there... I was out of town, got back in the mean time... OK I KNOW THE BALL IS IN HIS COURT....I'M PERFECTLY AWARE OF THAT...AND THEN DO I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD CALL HIM, TOMMORROW, PERHAPS, AND SAY, HI, I'M BACK, LET'S GO OUT? so the questions are those: 1. given that we did not speak since thursay ( it was me who called first then too)....would I sould clingy, needy, desperate, if i called? 2. this thing og f miner..not telling where i;m going, with whom...didn't tell him other plans i might have for the weekend, just said might be away...and neither did i tel him when i left abroad... on the one hand...i don't really feel i have to do it with someone that is not that close to me on the other hand, i am thinking that it looks like i'm playing misterious and this might be (a bit of a turn-off) girls, guys, what do you think? thanks a lot
Author mara80 Posted November 1, 2008 Author Posted November 1, 2008 i'll rephrease it: it is ok to call the guy ,let's say tomorrow after I have called on thursday and proposed a date? thursday he said "i'm busy now let's talk on weekend" and I said i dunno if I'll be in town... and we agreed that he can call and if i'm in town we'll take it from there.. adn now..IS THERE ANY POINT IN CALLING MYSELF, SAYING HEY I[M BACK IN TOWN, LET'S MEET? IS IS IT JUST TOO MUCH?
Ronni_W Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 You could maybe call and say, "Hey, just letting you know that I'm back in town. I know you're probably busy getting ready to be out of the country for the next couple of months...but give me a call if you have some time and want to get together." And that's it. If he doesn't get back to you, that's it. That's him not wanting to meet with you at this point in his life.
Author mara80 Posted November 1, 2008 Author Posted November 1, 2008 some friends called and said hey let's go out...we'll go to a bar that he he hangs out to... should i text or call and say hey what's up, will you get to that bar?
Ronni_W Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 ...we'll go to a bar that he he hangs out to... should i text or call and say hey what's up, will you get to that bar? No. Don't do that. Just go to the bar. If he's there, he's there; if he's not, he's not. You don't need to call him about this. Not at all.
Author mara80 Posted November 1, 2008 Author Posted November 1, 2008 after all i KNOW i am exaggerating here...it's definately not the right time to indend to have anything with him, now, few days before he's leaving. so more than likely, i'll just chill ok, don't call him this evening (AND IT'S IMPORTANT NOT TO TAKE THE PHONE WITH ME- IF YOU CAN IMAGINE THAT)...AND TOMORROW....I'LL BE CONSIDERING IF CALLING HIM OR NOT HOW DOES THAT SOUND?
Ronni_W Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 NOW you're talking. It sounds excellent...very good plan, indeed!!! Enjoy your evening with your friends. PS: Your posts are hard to read cos you use all-capitals so often -- could be one reason why you're not getting more responses, so you may want to try using more lower-case in your future posts and see if your response rate goes up.
D-Lish Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 So, after last weekend (when you text and called him twice and didn't hear anything), you called him Thursday to ask him out? He said maybe the weekend would be better... he still hasn't called and you are thinking of calling him again? Has he called or text you since Sunday? Or is it all you doing the initiating? I just want you to look at it rationally. When a guy is interested, he will call you. The more you call him, the more you are pushing him away.... trust me on that one. He came to some sort of conclusion last Sunday that he's not interested in pursuing anything. It could very well be that he is leaving for two months, or it could be something else. Regardless, he isn't calling back or returning texts... That's not a good sign. If he had wanted to, you could have made concrete plans for the weekend right there on the phone- but he didn't. You just have to pull back on this one. I don't want to sound harsh, and I know it's a tough pill to swallow- but letting it be is the best way to go. It's not like he has forgotten about you because he hasn't heard your voice or anything... When a guy is interested, he will get in contact. You never want to be in the position of always calling the guy.
Author mara80 Posted November 1, 2008 Author Posted November 1, 2008 i meant i texted him on sunday...no answer.. i called thursday..i've got the call waiting message and then he called back...said we'll speak later, cause he was doing shopping for the trip.... he dis text me on thursday...i called and he said he didn't finishup up stuff and can we l;eave it until the weekend and theni said i might be away from town ( perfectly true)....but i said "you can call me,and if i'm in town, we'll take it from there"... so that's it...so yeah i guess it would be really pointless to call...
Author mara80 Posted November 1, 2008 Author Posted November 1, 2008 ...with the caps:)...now that i think of it...
D-Lish Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 I've only come to realize (from experience) that it works to be patient. A guy that does have interest can be turned off by someone that calls too much initially. I think as women we sometimes make the mistake of thinking that we actually need to give them that "nudge" that we ARE interested... but it ruins the chase a bit. He knows you are interested... so just leave the ball in his court. I understand what it's like to wait... but I force myself to be patient. Just be patient! Even if you have to keep yourself busy doing other things.
Author mara80 Posted November 1, 2008 Author Posted November 1, 2008 was never one of my tough points...however..that might be a good occasion to try practicing:) as for the call... hey , i'm 28 i;m not a kid...i think I CAN take the phone with me and NOT CALL this evening. hope i'll be able to do this tomorrow too:) D-Lish, Ronnie, thanks a lot...i'll let ya know:)
Author mara80 Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 ...from town...he wasn't there and i DID keep myself from calling/texting him. still pondering about tomorrow.... should i call? should i just leave like that?
Ronni_W Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 still pondering about tomorrow....should i call? Mara, I'm suspecting you already know your answer -- follow your instinct, even though it may feel really difficult to do. As D-lish said, IF he is interested, he will call. You will get more of the information that you need in order to figure out this situation, if you wait it out.
Author mara80 Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 tells me he might be interested or like me, but not quite enough...one the other hand if i'd be preparing a for two months trip (ok, it's not that much, but many things can happen in two months)..i might prefer to hang around with old friends and not pursue anything of this kind... however, i did fell asleep and woke up on one thought: that i'd love to see him before leaving
Author mara80 Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 by the way: dunno if any of noticed, bot for me it's a recurrent thing: guys call me ALWAYS when i;m not thinking about it....i know it sounds weird, but it's just like BY THINKING (too much) about it, I create some sort of energy wall...if i'm tensed and i keep thinking ( will he call, will he not), they ALMOST NEVER CALL...when i'm relaxed and thinking about anything else...well, then they start to call... doesn't this sound strange?
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 by the way: dunno if any of noticed, bot for me it's a recurrent thing: guys call me ALWAYS when i;m not thinking about it....i know it sounds weird, but it's just like BY THINKING (too much) about it, I create some sort of energy wall...if i'm tensed and i keep thinking ( will he call, will he not), they ALMOST NEVER CALL...when i'm relaxed and thinking about anything else...well, then they start to call... doesn't this sound strange? This is so true. Doesn't sound strange at all.
Author mara80 Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 Chery_blossom, so it's not me being exagerated here, trying to interpret things?...so these things do happen to others too
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Chery_blossom, so it's not me being exagerated here, trying to interpret things?...so these things do happen to others too Absolutely! When you are not paying attention, the attention seems to come your way. What is difficult is knowing what to do with that attention once you are aware of it. I do to have an answer for that. I feel that once I am aware of the attention, my behaviour changes and that can upset the dynamic. I wish I had some really good advice for you now, but I don't. It's funny how universal this dating stuff seems to be!
Author mara80 Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 so..bottom line: i should mine my own business and let things be, i guess... you know..i'm sure this is the best things to do... however, i was consider, while i was having my coffee, to make a short "uninterested" call, ask him about some volunteering he's doing, and that i was considering too ( i mean , he a a friend of his know a foundation that i am considering).. but wouldn't it be just silly to do it?
Author mara80 Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 ...with or without a pretext, i just didn't call. after all, ok, if we will have something (which i doubt, given that he didn;t call either) it will be after he gets back.. if not, that's it... thanks everybody however, you really are great i''ll be around ps how about calling him and wishing him a nice trip, the day before leaving ?
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 so..bottom line: i should mine my own business and let things be, i guess... you know..i'm sure this is the best things to do... however, i was consider, while i was having my coffee, to make a short "uninterested" call, ask him about some volunteering he's doing, and that i was considering too ( i mean , he a a friend of his know a foundation that i am considering).. but wouldn't it be just silly to do it? The bottom line is that if he is interested, he will call you. You could call and pretend you are trying to get information from him on volunteering, or whatever, but he will know the real reason you are calling.
Author mara80 Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 he certainly would figure it out... i might call him on tuesday, before he's leaving, just to wish him safe trip.. does that sound too bad?
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 No, it doesn't sound bad. Just give him a friendly call before his trip.
Author mara80 Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 we talked a bit, wished him fine trip ands everything else... now i know it might sounds weird...but at this point i'm really not thinking about seeing him or not afterwards... got several balls in his court...if he intends to pick any when he gets back, ok, if not int he meant time, i might meet someone else in the mean time, or not... but what's important is that 1. i've got plenty of stuff to do and i won;t just need to "keep myself busy" cause i'll be really busy 2. i've learned it's good to be honest about your feelings, and that you can do that without being pushy or so ( i hope i didn't sem pushy or anything) 3. i've also been reminded that i have great friends ( they've been very supportive to me, about everything that i gone though lately - and this thing with the traveling Romeo is just ...a drop in an ocean) 4. moreover, i've found new friends...nice people, always ready to give a piece of advice and to listen to other people's problems....YOU GUYS... thanks a lot for the pieces of advice, for the patience and the support... i'll be around, trying to get back and to be of help for others:)
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