lmholdsworth Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 I met a guy 3 months ago, and the 1st time we met we really clicked, he was funny, charming (maybe a bit too forward) but we kissed and we got on very well. After about a week, he started acting very very strangley, didnt text, call, email etc, and i wondered why. About a month a go, we started chatting again and got on great, and then I noticed he started seeming depressed. I asked him if he was ok, and he just said, "oh its life in general really". He then phoned me last week asking if we could chat, because he felt he had no one in the world to talk to. He went on to tell me how from the age of 18-23 (he's now 30 and I am 21) he was an habitual self harmer, ranging from physical harm such as cutting himself, to using hard drugs. I am admittedly very judgemental when it comes to drugs, and would have usually run a mile from the situation. However, I appear to have developed a problem. I am falling in love with him. I made a passing jokey comment that if we are still single in 5 years we should get together for sex, and he said told me to shut up, and i asked him why and he told me out of the blue that you can get sex anywhere, but he feels differently about me, more than sex, alot more. and then later put in bold letters I LIKE YOU. however, he says he will call, but doesnt, he says he wants to see me, but then doesnt show up, and i dont know where i stand, he says he likes me alot more than just a friend, and has sent me various texts thanking me for all of my support, but i know he is still considering suicide. I am in real need of advice because i dont know whether i should run a mile, or stand by him all the way. I also dont know if these actions are common in severe depression. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Lisa xx
mara80 Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 on the one hand, if you feel strong enough to do it, it would be great to stand by his side....not all of us get very lucky in life and I think it's just rgeat weh we can be kind and supportive to others... as woman, though...RUN. WALK AWAY. ok, or just stay wawy. try to get on with your life, see other men, hang out more ( and DON'T STAY AT HOME WAITING FOR HIM TO TEXT/CALL/SHOW-UP - SEE MY 2 THREADS).....but just try to live...and in the mean time, within the limits of your schedule...you can also be supportive with him. i know, it's awfully hard and difficult to separte th woman and the human being...but if you could just ty to...it would be really great for you. couse you deserve so much
sultry33 Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 I met a guy 3 months ago, and the 1st time we met we really clicked, he was funny, charming (maybe a bit too forward) but we kissed and we got on very well. After about a week, he started acting very very strangley, didnt text, call, email etc, and i wondered why. About a month a go, we started chatting again and got on great, and then I noticed he started seeming depressed. I asked him if he was ok, and he just said, "oh its life in general really". He then phoned me last week asking if we could chat, because he felt he had no one in the world to talk to. He went on to tell me how from the age of 18-23 (he's now 30 and I am 21) he was an habitual self harmer, ranging from physical harm such as cutting himself, to using hard drugs. I am admittedly very judgemental when it comes to drugs, and would have usually run a mile from the situation. However, I appear to have developed a problem. I am falling in love with him. I made a passing jokey comment that if we are still single in 5 years we should get together for sex, and he said told me to shut up, and i asked him why and he told me out of the blue that you can get sex anywhere, but he feels differently about me, more than sex, alot more. and then later put in bold letters I LIKE YOU. however, he says he will call, but doesnt, he says he wants to see me, but then doesnt show up, and i dont know where i stand, he says he likes me alot more than just a friend, and has sent me various texts thanking me for all of my support, but i know he is still considering suicide. I am in real need of advice because i dont know whether i should run a mile, or stand by him all the way. I also dont know if these actions are common in severe depression. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Lisa xx hi lisa i know exactly what you mean.. I have just recently started dating a guy who gets depressed i want to be supportative but im bit worried that he fall for me and i may hurt him.. i dont want to add to his depression i do like him alot and he has been very open about it but im a very positive girl and he said that helps him.. i just dont want him to cling to me incase i cant handle it im still having my life and see him now and then.. think i will take it slow not let him move into my life too soon then see where it goes its really hard seeing someone you love go through depression.. so you need to make sure you are strong enough or just keep him as a friend take care of number 1 hugs to you:)
blkqwn7 Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 Hey, just wanted to support you with hopefully an objective and sincere answer. Girl this man need professional help not yours. He appears--based on what you said, to be clinically depressed and yes clinical depressed people can become suicidal. Neither of us are licensed doctor's though, but we know enough to know that he need's professional help and probably have had it in the past. He needs to shop around until he finds a good mental health provider, not easy to do. This business is a dirty one and whole other conversation! How are you in love with him though it doesn't sound like he has done anything for you to be in love with him. What constitute love for you? I say both of you need some help, you for falling for a total messed up person and him for whatever reasons are causing him to be so messed up and self-destructive. Girl you are begging for trouble here!
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 This man should not be in a relationship right now. Period. Could you stand by him as a friend, forgetting your romantic intentions? I doubt it. I think you should stay away. I see only heartache ahead for you.
Author lmholdsworth Posted November 1, 2008 Author Posted November 1, 2008 hey guys, i just want to thank you all for the support, in response to the comment about what has he done to justify me falling in love with him, a few months ago i lost 2 relatives and friends, the most recent being a week and a half ago, he was there for me through it, he talked to me, made me laugh, and made me feel as though it was going to be ok. He has been seeing a councillor and today went to see a specialist psychiatrist, it is easier to run away than stand by some one, but i know that i am going to stand by him as a friend through this, all of it. Thankyou all for your advice, at least i know i am not the only one with dilema xx
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