sumdude Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 We've been hanging out for a few months... not dating per se. I'm interested in her but not totally after her. taking my time and looking around in general. "You're like a big brother to me, I'm so glad I met you." Yeah... that's what she said... I suppose I can assume that I'm firmly in the freind zone eh? oh well.. ...unless I'm missing something.. ladies?
amaysngrace Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 That's no good. I say my exH is like a brother to me now. Because I'm numb to him. Does she take advantage of your kindness? And if you've been into her then why didn't you bust a move before now?
Author sumdude Posted November 1, 2008 Author Posted November 1, 2008 That's no good. I say my exH is like a brother to me now. Because I'm numb to him. Does she take advantage of your kindness? No, we have a good rappor and have fun just hanging out. Great conversations. She's independent and doesn't ask for anything. We're freinds, I thought more over time that maybe something more could happen. And if you've been into her then why didn't you bust a move before now? My interest in her that way waxed and waned. I wanted to get to know her for a while.. you know the friends first approach and take my time. Guess it may have backfired. C'est la vie.. So many more fish in the sea. Maybe she can be a good wing girl. Maybe I'm a bit olde fashioned?
amaysngrace Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 Why don't you tell her she's like a sister to you too? Then she can know how it feels to be felt about in that way. It might break the ice and you have nothing to lose.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 "You're like a big brother to me, I'm so glad I met you." It means you'll never get to date her as long as she has this mindset.
norajane Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 It means you never bothered to flirt with her and show her that you think she's attractive. You never showed that you are a sexual man with a sexual interest in her. You put yourself in the friend-zone.
reservoirdog1 Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 About the only way you can turn this around -- and it most likely won't turn it around -- is to tell her, in a light and funny way, that you see her as being like a bratty little sister. Tease her a bit in that vein. Like I said, more likely than not, it won't change things. But it might. And if it doesn't, it's kind of fun if you tease her in a good-natured, non-hurtful way. And if you end up with her as a friend out of the deal... well, that's not a bad thing.
Meet 4 Coffee Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 It doesn't sound like you're really that into her (waxing and waning is not "I'm into you" behavior. By now you should be absolutely crazy about her, with the time passed. Since you're not, it's best she has thought of you in the friend zone all along so you don't put her through any crap like men do.
MalachiX Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 This kind of stuff is really complex. When you have a close friendship with a member of the opposite sex, you're going to get into some weird territory. I've had some friendships which, at times, felt like we were siblings almost. I would have points where I saw one of these girls in a romantic light but she didn't see me in the same way and vice versa (though, in both cases, we'd never tell each other until the "crush" was over since it would be too weird). This is something which really is hard to get past. Once you start viewing each other in this context, the idea of sex and anything romantic just feels like incest. I can think of specific girl who I started out being very attracted to, then began to feel like an older brother to, and then was rather icked out whenever I'd think of her sexually. The point is that if she sees you as a big brother than a relationship isn't going to work. Maybe if some times passes and you guys find yourself in a different frame of mind where you see each other more as equals, then you may be able to date but, as of now, it's just not going to work.
Author sumdude Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 OP, so, how does it feel to baste yourself? ??
carhill Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 What do they do with turkeys on Thanksgiving? Baste them (while cooking, of course ) and then eat them. You're the self-basting variety. Women deal with men like this. Buy them as cheap as possible and freeze them for later consumption (in whatever way suits them). Think of the friend-zone as the freezer. Pretty cold in there, eh?
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