markyboy1983 Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 My ex GF and I have been broken up for 2 weeks now. I just started this whole NC rule yesterday. My question is :Would you do what Jim Carrey did in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and have a surgery to forget your ex forever (forget the fact that the procedure got botched in the movie, imagine it went right.) and not remember a single memory of them, or would you deal with the pain and emotions and get over it? PS also say how long u have been broken up with ur ex, cuz that will definatley influence answers. My thought is that I would not have the procedure done because as much pain as i'm in right now I am a big fan of the old saying "it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." I don't know if a thread like this has been started, so I apologize if it has already been done.
Tony T Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 My ex GF and I have been broken up for 2 weeks now. I just started this whole NC rule yesterday. My question is :Would you do what Jim Carrey did in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and have a surgery to forget your ex forever (forget the fact that the procedure got botched in the movie, imagine it went right.) and not remember a single memory of them, or would you deal with the pain and emotions and get over it? PS also say how long u have been broken up with ur ex, cuz that will definatley influence answers. My thought is that I would not have the procedure done because as much pain as i'm in right now I am a big fan of the old saying "it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." I don't know if a thread like this has been started, so I apologize if it has already been done. Such surgery would be EXTEMELY expensive and would also erase other memories, many of which could possibly be wonderful ones. I don't know why people always want the easy way out. The best way to manage this kind of thing is to pay attention, to not take any crap off anybody, to get out of a relationship that isn't going anywhere but especially to PAY ATTENTION!!! In 99 percent of the cases, the other party gives off LOTS of hints that they aren't happy. That's our cue to either work on things or just say to ourselves that this particular person is not a keeper...and that's OK. Stay away from my brain!
MichiganMan222 Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 As hard as breakups are, I imagine they mature you in some way. So while the pain is bad, I'd hate to lose the lesson learned...otherwise if you erased your memory every time, you could be constantly breaking-up for the same reason!
MizzBlue72 Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 I have only been seperated from other for less than a week . . . It is hard, yes, but a necessary choice on both of are parts. I would NOT have the mind erase done. I stongly believe that life experiences influence the who/what/why we are the way we are, and if I hadn't experienced this, I would not have what I have today. Not to get corny, but from the song , 'The Dance': '. . I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end the way it all would go Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain but I would have to miss The DANCE The dance is your life -- you have to experience it to the fullest. My only advice to help heal a broken heart -- 1. Acknowledge the pain you are feeling 2. Accept that you will hurt 3. Give yourself all the time you need and allow yourself to grieve this Good luck.
gdap Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Right now, yes. I've actually thought about this exact idea. I just received the most (pleasantly) passive-aggressive message in reply to something I'd written, and I regret reading it. Her e-mails are being trashed for at least a year.
MalachiX Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 No I wouldn't chose to forgot my two and a half years with my EX. Part of what helped me to move on was the understanding that the time wasn't a waste. The relationship didn't work out but I learned a lot about myself, I had some wonderful times with this girl, and I've grown a lot as a person. If I were to lose that, if I were to lose all wisdom and growth, it really would have been a wasted two and a half years. The pain sucks but I promise the key to moving on is accepting that it's over, understanding what the realtionship taught you about yourself, and then being happy that you're now a more whole person. It takes time to get that kind of distance and you have to really work on it (not just staying in perpetual morning and obsessing over what you lost). I promise that if you really want to move on then you can. Hell, it took me this long (nine months) to feel I was ready to try the relationship thing again and, after looking at these boards, I feel like one of the lucky ones. Also, I should mention that Eternal Sunshine is a pretty crappy movie to watch after a beak-up since they do give the relationship another shot at the end. One watches and thinks, "awww. They've giving it another try despite everything. Why couldn't me and my EX do that?" You're bound to be sad after seeing the film. Still, the point of the movie is that, even if the relationship fails, the experience of it was worth it.
Ronni_W Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Wouldn't do it - my luck, I'd run into him after the surgery, not recognize him and...BAM, right back where I started. Ten years older but 12 years 'stupider'
gdap Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 I think you're absolutely right, Malachi. You make some excellent points. At some point I'll reach that magnanimous stage of self-reflection. But it'll take a while - and I'm nowhere near there yet!
Ruby Slippers Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Absolutely not. Our mistakes help shape us into who we are, and without them we do not grow and mature. Besides that, I still treasure the good memories that I had with him (I left him a month and a half ago). Every guy I've been with has brought certain good things to my life that no one could match or replace. Of course, each brings his fair share of bad, too. Certain times with my ex I will never, ever forget, and despite the fact that our relationship dissolved, I am still glad I had those good times.
BikerBeagle Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 This is a very interesting topic ...kind of in the same vein as "if you had to do it all over again?" or "if you could turn back time, what would you do differently?". No, I wouldn't erase any of the memories. The experience is what matters.
L-FUZZ Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 ok .. does this count.. how about just erasing everything after the breakup... like all the miserable horrible gut wretching pain and i want to kill myself moments... i could live with out remembering those moments,,, thats for damn sure!
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