Bells Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 This was the first profile I had come across like this....she stated in her profile She said across the board not to ask her for her personal email address, IM information, MySpace profile (so people can add her) and to respect her wishes by not asking for that information, I asked her about it, I was thinking that she would talk to them first for bit online...and then give her phone number to talk and make arrangements to meet in person....(Because I mentioned tend to do ask for the digits right away or meet right after the first email And she said, "Nope....I will give my phone number AFTER the first date as I see fit" And I was thinking "Huh?" Then I asked her, "So how do you make arrangements to meet in person, if you don't talk to each other on the phone first?" She said she arrange the date, time and place all online with the gentleman. I dont' know about you, but I typically have this policy of never meeting ANYONE in person without at LEAST talking to them on the phone first. Think she's being unreasonable?
sunshinegirl Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I am not a fan of giving strangers my phone number - and in my book, someone I've met online is a stranger until we meet in person. She's being a little defensive in stating up-front not to ask for that information, but, shrug, it's her preference. If it bothers you that much, I would just move on.
2sure Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 One of the bigest and best benefits of on line dating is being able to screen people prior to taking the time, effort, and risk of meeting them in person. A picture alone doesn't do it. I found it very helpful to the screening process to not only exchange written emails (at least on the dating site) , and to speak on the phone, at length once or twice. A phone call and conversation tell a lot about a person, or is a least a pretty good indication as to whether or not you want to carry on the conversation in person. I would not meet anyone in person without a phone call.
torranceshipman Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I think what she said is pretty norma-fair enough that she doesnt want to give out her number to people she doesnt really know..
Shygirl15 Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 lol... Again just reading the title I knew it was you. Don't know if she's being unreasonable or not, but it sounds risky going on date with someone you haven't even spoken with. You can tell A LOT about the other person from a simple conversation on the phone; infact this is how I can determine if the guy is worth going out on a date with or not.
Art_Critic Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Think she's being unreasonable? Yep !! Does she expect you to be forthcoming with any info on you without her being forthcoming as well ? If she is all about info from you first and no info from her then she is either a prostitute or a woman looking for her husband/BF who is cheating on her. Delete and move on.. why is so hard for you to grasp that you have to weed out the weirdos online ?.. Once the weeding is done then you have the dateable women.. but to fret over the weirdos as to why is just a waste of time IMO...
Star Gazer Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I actually try to meet first without ever first talking on the phone. I rarely give out my phone number before meeting either. I will accept his, only to be able to contact him if I'm running late or the like.
Author Bells Posted October 31, 2008 Author Posted October 31, 2008 I actually try to meet first without ever first talking on the phone. I rarely give out my phone number before meeting either. I will accept his, only to be able to contact him if I'm running late or the like. Star Gazer....see Art Critics response. ;-)
2sunny Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 i actually think it's smart. i don't like my number out there for everyone. that just means that i'm at the mercy of random calls that i don't want to take. i only want the people to have it that i want calling me on a regular basis. when she actually gives it to you - it would have meaning and significance.
Author Bells Posted October 31, 2008 Author Posted October 31, 2008 i actually think it's smart. i don't like my number out there for everyone. that just means that i'm at the mercy of random calls that i don't want to take. i only want the people to have it that i want calling me on a regular basis. when she actually gives it to you - it would have meaning and significance. Well, she's not giving it to anyone, just giving it to the person she talked to online.
Art_Critic Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I think everyone can understand withholding the phone number.. not actually the call though as phone calls can be placed without giving any identity info. there isn't anything wrong with hiding your home address or phone number that kind of stuff but to hide so much info that you can't even get to know them ??.. The big issue with this girl for Bells is that she won't even give out her email addy or myspace.. With email addresses and IM being so disposable and free I find that she won't give out that contact info just weird.. She is playing a game.. No IM or email = no time with ART .. next ( during my single days of course )
Art_Critic Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 a woman looking for her husband/BF who is cheating on her. I'm going here.....
Star Gazer Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 You're obviously able to contact her through the dating site. Why do YOU feel its necessary to have her personal email address? Why do YOU think its necessary or appropriate to be added to her MySpace page, where she likely has even more personal information, also giving you access to her friends, her whereabouts, etc.? Why do YOU think its necessary to have her phone number? I think she's being smart. It's not necessary before you meet someone for a casual coffee to share ANY of that information.
Zorie Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I don't necessarily think shes being unreasonable if that is her preference. It can be taken as a little excessive but who knows maybe shes had a really bad experience with giving someone her number up front? But I could see this turning some people off for sure! To make this a "rule" though I dunno for me its more of a case by case basis if I've exchanged emails and we are "clicking" (as much as possible through email alone) then I tend to like to speak to someone "live" before setting up a date. Some people are paranoid by nature so its also possible she may just be one of those types. Anyone that's dated online knows everyone has thier own quirks in how they go about it, so if its not your cup of tea you know to move on to the next
Author Bells Posted October 31, 2008 Author Posted October 31, 2008 You're obviously able to contact her through the dating site. Why do YOU feel its necessary to have her personal email address? Why do YOU think its necessary or appropriate to be added to her MySpace page, where she likely has even more personal information, also giving you access to her friends, her whereabouts, etc.? Why do YOU think its necessary to have her phone number? I think she's being smart. It's not necessary before you meet someone for a casual coffee to share ANY of that information. It's not necessary to eat desert after a meal. <shrug> There's alot of things in life, in general that isn't "Necessary". Some things are just not done out of necessity.
sunshinegirl Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I don't IM people for the same reason I don't do extended email exchanges. IMO you are never going to know if there's chemistry until you meet IN PERSON. So I generally like 3-4 email exchanges and then a coffee date. I'm not a phone person - I don't talk a lot with friends and family by phone - so by extension, I don't really like chatting with strangers by phone. If the woman agrees to meet in person, I don't see the big deal. But in the end, it's a simple mismatch of expectations: she may see a phone call as a time-waste and/or a safety/security/hassle issue; you may see the in-person meeting as a time-waste without the phone call. Again, just move on if it bothers you that much.
Star Gazer Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Exactly my point. It's not necessary to eat desert after a meal. <shrug> There's alot of things in life, in general that isn't "Necessary". Some things are just not done out of necessity. Like asking for her phone number, MySpace, IM handle, or personal email address, you mean? All not necessary. Just as you're irked that she won't give personal info to a stranger, she's probably equally irked that you'd expect her to give it.
Shygirl15 Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I think everyone can understand withholding the phone number.. No, I don't. You can always tell them to stop calling if you want, or even block their caller IDs. Talking on the phone is another step in the weeding out process; to me, this is more important than emails and pictures.
Author Bells Posted October 31, 2008 Author Posted October 31, 2008 Exactly my point. Like asking for her phone number, MySpace, IM handle, or personal email address, you mean? All not necessary. Just as you're irked that she won't give personal info to a stranger, she's probably equally irked that you'd expect her to give it. Well, I dont think all that info is necessary, just the phone number would suffice.
stefspets Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 It's her preference. Seems a little odd, may or may not work well for her, but it's her choice. You seem to worry a lot about what everyone else does. Why don't you just worry about yourself rather than analyze every miniscule behavior of the opposite sex?
Star Gazer Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I rarely talk on the phone pre-meeting, and almost never give out my phone number. I've had absolutely no difficulty meeting up with people I meet online. *shrug*
EAJuggalo Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 With my current GF I didn't get her phone number until the end of the first date. She had mine in case anything went wrong on her way to the restaurant. I also didn't get her personal email until we had out three or four times.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 I usually just give out my number before the first meeting, in case I get lost on the way to the date or I can't recognize them or something. For me, a phone conversation is not a very good weeding out tool. Sometimes I can have a lot of phone chemistry, but that doesn't necessarily translate to face to face contact. On the flip side, some phone conversations seem stilted and yet there is face to face chemistry. Bells, why are you so concerned with all the different ways women approach dating? We all have our needs and wants. We aren't all the same. Some approaches you may like, and some you may not. What is the big deal here? If it turns you off that a woman does A, B, or C, then you know that woman is not for you. End of story.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 I totally get where she is coming from. What if you give out your phone number to a person before meeting them and they turn out to be some psycho? Do you know what people can do with your phone number and what kind of information they could find out under the right circumstances? Phone numbers, addresses, and other easily accessible personal information should NOT be given out indiscriminately, especially to people you have only met on line. And another thing, ladies in particular and in some cases you men, you need to make sure you are following certain safety rules to dating for the first few dates... 1. Always meet in a neutral place with pleanty of people around. 2. Always let someone know where you are and if locations are/have changing/changed (If you have a cell with a camera, take pictures of you and your date or at least your date everytime a location has changed and email them to friends and family). 3. Never get into a vehicle with someone you just met, especially if you have been drinking. 4. Never leave your friends for a booty call. 5. If your too drunk to walk straight, your too drunk to make a decision to have sex. It is always to be seen as a little weird or paranoid then a statstic. DNR
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