blinded Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I've listened to this song (by James Bunt) throughout the time I've been w/my MM. I did this knowing we could never me more than just a secret. I've done this thinking that when it ends it wouldn't hurt as much. This time as I listen to it, I think it's really the end and it hurts even more. I never really wrote my whole story. But it's not much different from the rest. We are both married and cheating w/each other. Initially it started out purely sexual almost like a game (sad but true). But we realized that we click in many more ways and it has equally become emotional as much as physical. Knowing how wrong it is, we have come to very big bump in the road (probably even the end). The word 'love' has carefully never been used by either of us. I can't explain my emotions at this time. I'm sad that it is ending, yet almost relieved that it is. I don't even know if it's over. Last things were said, 'we should eventually think about stopping this'. I wrote him that I agreed and wanted to know if he's ok. He hasn't responded. I don't want to push so I'm going to wait for him to respond, if he even responds. I don't even know what I expect him to say. I guess I'm a bit shell-shocked b/c things for the most part were going well. We only 'see' each other every couple of weeks or so. But he's the one that insists we have more contact, yet in the same breath talks about ending things. I'm confused. Is his silence his way of ending things?
Author blinded Posted October 31, 2008 Author Posted October 31, 2008 Part of me agrees. But it doesn't dismiss the fact that it hurts. A part of me is also angry that I could easily be dismissed like that. What a guy!
pkn06002 Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 You hit ceiling where the relationship could no longer grow. Just walk away, take the pain and just walk away. But like everyone here you learned something about what you were/are missing in your marriage. Either get the needed changes made or move on. BTW the whole notion that you have been dismissed that easy is not true. Everyone copes with this differently, but if you truly believe there were intense feelings the other person has not forgotten them. I know that does not help (believe me I KNOW) but it is how it is.
Author blinded Posted October 31, 2008 Author Posted October 31, 2008 I was afraid you'd say that. It's sounds so easy to walk away, but I'm not ready. I don't think it's fair that he gets to make that choice. I need to at least talk it over and have some sort of closure. Is that too much to ask?
pkn06002 Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I was afraid you'd say that. It's sounds so easy to walk away, but I'm not ready. I don't think it's fair that he gets to make that choice. I need to at least talk it over and have some sort of closure. Is that too much to ask? I relate the what you are saying, trust me don't do it!!!!!! I tried that whole mess and you NEVER get closure when you are this close to the event. It will just prolong what you are thinking and you will have just one more question over and over again. There is NEVER a good time to walk away, just a time. I have gotten closure from an affair once that was 13 YEARS after the event. It did help to let that ghost go but I was not ready for that type of thing until after that amount of time.
Author blinded Posted October 31, 2008 Author Posted October 31, 2008 No, I will not contact him. If he contacts me, then I will take into consideration what he has to say and play it by ear. BUT I am too proud to pursue this man-- who isn't even mine! ha. I just know that my anger will slowly seep in and instead of remembering the happy times (which most of them were), I will think of his cowardness. I will think that it was just lies he said in order to reel me in. I am bitter right now and will become worse. How could someone's last words be "keep in touch?" What a bunch of BS. Not only am I angry, I hate myself. I hate that I am even in this stupid mess. I'm sorry for venting, but since the subject of my anger/hurt is not avail, I have no one else to turn to.
stampdaddy Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 No, I will not contact him. If he contacts me, then I will take into consideration what he has to say and play it by ear. BUT I am too proud to pursue this man-- who isn't even mine! ha. I just know that my anger will slowly seep in and instead of remembering the happy times (which most of them were), I will think of his cowardness. I will think that it was just lies he said in order to reel me in. I am bitter right now and will become worse. How could someone's last words be "keep in touch?" What a bunch of BS. Not only am I angry, I hate myself. I hate that I am even in this stupid mess. I'm sorry for venting, but since the subject of my anger/hurt is not avail, I have no one else to turn to. Why waste time on all of this? You know it was wrong, you know it COULD NOT go anywhere, right? I mean, were you both gonna leave your spouses for each other? Were you WANTING to get caught? IF you got caught, then what? A lifetime of Hell, thats what, for ALOT of people... Have a Happy Halloween and try to think POSITVE thoughts about this ending. And quit playing that damn song!!!
Owl Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Have you considered what it would take to fix things in your marriage so that you felt the same way about your H as you do about your married OM?
pkn06002 Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Have you considered what it would take to fix things in your marriage so that you felt the same way about your H as you do about your married OM? Owl I like you I really do, but this idea that you can have the same thing with your spouse as you did with the OP, I just don't buy into it. You know why because here (unlike MB) you see post after post of people that have tried just that and they never reconnect. I am sure there are a few people that successfully make the transition but they are an exception not the rule. But I do think the affair can change people by showing them what they need. So they either make their marriage work or they move on to someone that is more like what they really need. You can even make your marriage better then it ever has been, but to create those same intense feelings for your spouse that you had for the OP. Most people are never going to accomplish that.
stampdaddy Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 heeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrreeeeee we go! :laugh:
Author blinded Posted October 31, 2008 Author Posted October 31, 2008 Why waste time on all of this? You know it was wrong, you know it COULD NOT go anywhere, right? I mean, were you both gonna leave your spouses for each other? Were you WANTING to get caught? IF you got caught, then what? A lifetime of Hell, thats what, for ALOT of people... Have a Happy Halloween and try to think POSITVE thoughts about this ending. And quit playing that damn song!!! I totally agree, but being a silly little girl, I thought we would be able shake each other's hands and walk away after reaching a mutual agreement. ha! I just woke up from my dream. BTW I can't stop laughing. I'll try and stop listening to the song. lol
stampdaddy Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I totally agree, but being a silly little girl, I thought we would be able shake each other's hands and walk away after reaching a mutual agreement. ha! I just woke up from my dream. BTW I can't stop laughing. I'll try and stop listening to the song. lol Then change the title to "Goodbye my Loser"
Author blinded Posted October 31, 2008 Author Posted October 31, 2008 Owl I like you I really do, but this idea that you can have the same thing with your spouse as you did with the OP, I just don't buy into it. You know why because here (unlike MB) you see post after post of people that have tried just that and they never reconnect. I am sure there are a few people that successfully make the transition but they are an exception not the rule. But I do think the affair can change people by showing them what they need. So they either make their marriage work or they move on to someone that is more like what they really need. You can even make your marriage better then it ever has been, but to create those same intense feelings for your spouse that you had for the OP. Most people are never going to accomplish that. I have to agree w/this. I will try and focus my anger toward MM and use it to work on my M. However, I know that I won't ever have the same intense feelings toward my H. Everything about the 2 relationships were different so I wouldn't want to try and re-create things. I would have to describe having down right lust for my MM. Whereas I love my H, he could never (has never) looked at me the way MM did.
pkn06002 Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I have to agree w/this. I will try and focus my anger toward MM and use it to work on my M. However, I know that I won't ever have the same intense feelings toward my H. Everything about the 2 relationships were different so I wouldn't want to try and re-create things. I would have to describe having down right lust for my MM. Whereas I love my H, he could never (has never) looked at me the way MM did. Let me add one thing to this. I tried to create those same feelings for my wife that I had with the OW, guess what it just made me miss OW even more. It just felt wrong to try and make my wife into a different person. So I gave that up and am starting to just accept who my wife is.
stampdaddy Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I have to agree w/this. I will try and focus my anger toward MM and use it to work on my M. However, I know that I won't ever have the same intense feelings toward my H. Everything about the 2 relationships were different so I wouldn't want to try and re-create things. I would have to describe having down right lust for my MM. Whereas I love my H, he could never (has never) looked at me the way MM did. Describe that "look".. was it a squinty look? or like "bugged eyed"? did he wiggle his ears when he looked at you? lick his lips? how about nose hair?
Author blinded Posted October 31, 2008 Author Posted October 31, 2008 It was more of a glossy eyed look. D'ya think he's doing drugs? Maybe he needs to do them in order to be w/me awwww...I'm kidding. All jokes aside. I've been thinking about what I wrote. Why doesn't my H look at me and make me feel wanted? I don't think I'm unattractive. But I never hear him say that I am unless I ask. And why does MM look at me like he wants me and say those things, when he really doesn't want me. wow, didn't think my self esteem could get any lower. What's wrong w/me?
stampdaddy Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 It was more of a glossy eyed look. D'ya think he's doing drugs? Maybe he needs to do them in order to be w/me awwww...I'm kidding. All jokes aside. I've been thinking about what I wrote. Why doesn't my H look at me and make me feel wanted? I don't think I'm unattractive. But I never hear him say that I am unless I ask. And why does MM look at me like he wants me and say those things, when he really doesn't want me. wow, didn't think my self esteem could get any lower. What's wrong w/me? NOTHING is wrong with you.. It feels nice to be "seen".. and to be made to "feel beautiful", especially when is seeing "you".. as far as your hubby goes, maybe he just isnt one of those guys that can express it, or heck, even see it. Doesnt mean he doesnt love you or "think" that you are beautiful.. But let me tell you how UGLY an affair can become and how UGLY you would feel when, NOT if things went south on the affair and you got caught...
Owl Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Owl I like you I really do, but this idea that you can have the same thing with your spouse as you did with the OP, I just don't buy into it. You know why because here (unlike MB) you see post after post of people that have tried just that and they never reconnect. I am sure there are a few people that successfully make the transition but they are an exception not the rule. But I do think the affair can change people by showing them what they need. So they either make their marriage work or they move on to someone that is more like what they really need. You can even make your marriage better then it ever has been, but to create those same intense feelings for your spouse that you had for the OP. Most people are never going to accomplish that. Pkn...I think you and I are just flat out on opposite ends of the spectrum. You don't agree with my views, and I don't agree with yours. I think we're going to have to simply tend to post our own advice on these threads, and avoid responding to each other's advice on a support thread like this one...otherwise there's just too much chance for you and I to take off on a threadjack and that's just unfair to the original poster. In the 'discussion' threads, however...we can be free to debate our differences to our heart's content. Agreed?
stampdaddy Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Pkn...I think you and I are just flat out on opposite ends of the spectrum. You don't agree with my views, and I don't agree with yours. I think we're going to have to simply tend to post our own advice on these threads, and avoid responding to each other's advice on a support thread like this one...otherwise there's just too much chance for you and I to take off on a threadjack and that's just unfair to the original poster. In the 'discussion' threads, however...we can be free to debate our differences to our heart's content. Agreed? That's all you got?? I was looking forward to a good 'ol "Smack Down"
pkn06002 Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Pkn...I think you and I are just flat out on opposite ends of the spectrum. You don't agree with my views, and I don't agree with yours. I think we're going to have to simply tend to post our own advice on these threads, and avoid responding to each other's advice on a support thread like this one...otherwise there's just too much chance for you and I to take off on a threadjack and that's just unfair to the original poster. In the 'discussion' threads, however...we can be free to debate our differences to our heart's content. Agreed? You have a deal Owl.
Recommended Posts