lessthanjake Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Okay so I was best friends with this one girl for about a year, and then we started dating. We dated for almost a year and a half before we went off to college. Our relationship was very very very good for a while, but after a while we had started getting upset with each other more, but it was nothing really bad. We ended up going to the same college. However, she wasnt entirely happy with our relationship since we had been getting upset more and wanted to go on a break at the start of college in order to have independence to see what else was out there. She swore it wasnt the end of our relationship, that we would get back together soon and that she wasnt looking to get with other guys. We broke up like 2 weeks before going to college and we still hung out and went on dates and kissed. However, once we got to college, she started having hook ups and drunk hook ups with other guys right away. Moreover, she blatantly tried to avoid me, and would refuse to see me. When she would see me, she'd be mean. She then decided it was no longer just a break but that we were broken up. This is all in the first two weeks. However, I told her that we wouldnt end up friends if things kept going the way they were going. This evidently hit a chord with her (we had been best friends for SOO long), and she started asking to hang out like every day. We started hanging out again and things got better and better. We started kissing again, and recently she had been really affectionate and was telling me she loves me. Furthermore, she wasnt getting with other guys anymore. I dont think we were going to end up getting back together cause she doesnt wanna be tied down in college, but I was happy with things. However, I made a terrible, terrible mistake. Early on here, when she was refusing to talk to me and hooking up with other guys, I was really depressed. I really wanted to talk to people about it, and so I talked to some of my new friends here about it. That was probably a bad move, but the problem was that a few times when I was somewhat intoxicated, I mentioned to people personal things about how the two of us had had sex and such. I had never done anything like that before. In fact, back home, when we were together, people made fun of me for getting no action since I always white lied to friends and said nothing ever happened when they asked. However, I did tell in this case, and I had been feeling really bad about telling this personal information about her, so I had stopped even mentioning her to friends. I did not, however, own up to her about what I had done because I knew she would freak out. She had heard that I talked about her a lot and I tried to downplay it and say I wasn't. Last night, though, she went to a party and one of my friends who had heard this was really drunk and also there and told her a couple of the personal things about sex that I had said. Needless to say, she was furious with me. She says she never expected me to do something like that and we are done as friends. She said she does not want to see me or talk to me. Ive tried to talk to her a little bit, but she gets mad at me for maybe 5-10 minutes on AIM and then tells me to leave her alone. I've said I'm sorry profusely and that I love her and really need her friendship because its sooo important to me. She doesn't care. To her, I have permanently betrayed her trust and she will not be friends with me. She says maybe a year down the road or something she will have forgiven me and we can become friends but we will never be best friends again (she still considered me her best friend even after we broke up). This is so hard for me to swallow because she has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. It seems like a nightmare to me. Theres nothing in my life that can replace her, especially since this is the start of the first semester of freshman year of college. No one I know here could truly be classified as a good friend yet. I was really enjoying seeing her since shes such a good friend already. I know it's all my fault. You don't kiss and tell and I did and I am genuinely really sorry. I was really sorry about it even before she found out. What's more, I kinda lied about it when she had earlier asked me if I was talking about her to other people. I acted like a true *******, but I feel like I need her friendship. She doesn't want anything to do with me right now though. What should I do to handle all of this?
Author lessthanjake Posted November 1, 2008 Author Posted November 1, 2008 bump. Doesnt anyone have any advice? I know its long, but please
carhill Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 Couple things: You're young. Learning is part of living. IMO, better to let her go for now. It's better for both of you. FWIW, her girlfriends likely knew plenty about your sex life and relationship. The difference is women are generally selective about who they tell. IME, it's better to only share personal things like that with a best friend. At this point, you're still developing those kinds of friendships (with men). So, lesson learned. You've explained and apologized. Now, go NC and heal your heart. Oh, and don't forget to enjoy college! It'll be soon enough you'll be out here grinding away with the rest of us
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