slimjim Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 HI, I have been dating a woman for about a year now. she has had a tumultuous life, having been married 4 times, and twice to the same guy (guy 2) who is the object of this discussion. So this woman gets married at 19, has a kid, then has another kid and finds her husband cheating on her. he divorces, and then sues for custody of the kids, and she has a marriage of convenience with guy 2 so that she can keep the kids. they stay married for 15 years, he is asexual basically, an engineer by trade with the emotional attachment of a piece of toilet paper. she likes sex, and i think basically stays with him for the kids. she finally dumps him, marries an older guy and has a kid. stays with him 5 years, then divorces because she claims he beat her. then the kids pressure her to marry guy 2 again, and she does, saying he will change--he didnt, and didnt even have sex on their honeymoon. she takes it for 5 years, then quits again. she has been divorced from him for 6 years now, and her youngest daughter is 16, with the others being 32 and 26 approx. so i come into the picture--i know this sounds like a train wreck to start with, and while i am writing this i am wondering what the hell i am doing..... anyway, when there is any kind of family get together, eat out, etc, guy 2 is always there. he has zero life except fo the kids. they want him there, and my GF agrees, because its for the kids. he is there also on xmas day, and these grown kids act like 3 year olds over this stuff. it seems they have never grown up. i have never spoken to this guy, just hung out and talked to everyone else. he doesnt say anything to either me or the GF. they treat him like he is the loser that never gets a date. But he is th eguy that basically raised them for 20 years, and the GF and him never had kids of their own, mainly because he refused to have sex. i always feel creepy about this...i know there is nothing going on with the GF and this guy, but she is so racked by guilt from these kids, and believe me they know how to whip her with the whip of guilt. it seems direspectful to me for her to allow him to be around us, and in her house. does this situation seem sorta weird, or is it just me? think i should walk away, or run? thanks.
JGT Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Well, if she wants them around for the "kids" (really should say adults) then that is their decision. If you're uncomfortable with it, that is your decision. Decide what you want.
Author slimjim Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 you are right JGT. i realized yesterday that her kids will perpetually run her life, tot he detriment of anyone she is with. they are selfish and more concerned with somehow trying to maintain their mom;s failed relationship without truly caring about her happinesss. hell, she is now suing this guy for equitable distribution when their marriage ended 6 years ago. so she comes from a mediation all upset because he calls her a gold digger, ranting that he is not coming back into the house ever. then the next week they go to an amusement park, and then she gets talked by her daughters to drive one of them, including him, for 2 hours in her company car to save gas. its a no win, so i flushed it yesterday. you can never really get into that relationship unless you adopt the entire family. thanks for the response.
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