NoIDidn't Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 Totally understandable. And no its not an excuse. But I think that it is one big reason that it happens. I think the number of people who cheat purely because they are narcissists is lower than the number of people who cheat because communication has broken down in certain areas and they cant find their way back. Sometimes people try they cant get through or just get told no and .... they arent ready to divorce but still want those things in their lives. Again not saying its an excuse but I think its a reality. This is why I say I think peopel who cheat are not great in dealing with conflict. If they were they would deal with the issues in the marriage head on rather than outsourcing... it is as a friend of mine once said a coward's way out... not willing to face up to the fact that choices need to be made. Certainly not trying to belabor this point, I just think its excuses. Maybe I am not a good candidate for an affair then. I couldn't validate a man that tells me that he tried everything and HAD to step out on his W but still went home to her every night. I would call bullsh** upfront. But I do agree with you on your main point. It IS a reality. I don't think that most cheaters are narcissists either. They simply don't make up enough of the population to turn out to be all of the cheaters. Narcissistic tendencies? Yeah, we all have those. But not real live NPDs. They are rare and the people with them are easy to spot by their extreme enabling behaviors. Cheating as outsourcing...brilliant! LOL.
jj33 Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 I dont blame you. Its really a question of what you want for yourself at a given time and what your values will allow you to do. if someone told me he tried everything etc and didnt take responsibiity for wanting to have his cake and eat it too I would call bs too (and why is that my problem...??) But everyone is different - all you need to do is read the threads... As I have said before in the majority of cases the women need to really feed into and/or create in their own minds reasons why the men do what they do otherwise they couldnt be a party to it.
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