BKLovesWho Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I am through being off-handedly corrected by my wife. Everytime I try and converse with her about how our kids act I am told I am wrong. BS!!!!!!!! I have had it up to here with this woman. She is such an ass! I told her just now that I hate her and I mean it. We have been married for 20 years and never once has she lifted a finger to do anything for me.It has always been me doing for her. When I say something I'm wrong when she says anything she's always right. She believes what ever her friends tell as fact and what I say as bull. I am sick of it and want out now! No more am I willing to be the nice guy. I have constant heartburn lving with this woman. Does anyone live in this type of situation? I feel trapped like a rat under a huge oppressive weight. Can this just be ignorance, indifference or what?
zazue Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Maybe you are going through a mid life crisis. Just a thought.
zazue Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Maybe his W is Yes carhill, that could be true. I'm a little biased, as my STBXH is going through one, and the OP sounds just like my STBXH.
carhill Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Hey, no worries. I think my W and I are going through them at the same time. She's growing a d!ck and I swore I was having a period
Author BKLovesWho Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 Well the ongoing drama...... Lying in bed last night with the woman watching cheaters. Wife says she hate the show and I said I liked it. We have watched this show before a lot and she never said this before. Well I am hugging her and told her lets cuddle. Guess what she says! Stop being such a sissy. I was like WTF? I said well if I am a sissy for wanting to hold my you then you are a 8 1 T C H! She got all huffy and said leave don't sleep here. So I said alright and took my blanket and went to sleep on the couch. I got up in the middle of the night and went to sleep in the bed because my back hurt. Here the rub, What law says woman can say what they want and men can't. My wife keeps quoting stuff as if it comes out of some book. I tell her show me where this is written. Do women convince themselves that there are some set rules that guys need to abide by? Do they reinforce these non binding statements when they talk with their girlfriends? I can not wait for us to get divorced!!!! It's comming soon I can almost feel it. I beleive my wife is very unhappy because I nolonger bend to her wishes. I have told her this isn't gonna happen. I told her when we were young I was a blind fool of a romantic but since I retired from the service I actually see how you are. I think I pin pointed the event that broke the camels back. I final straw was when she totally f'd up our finances when I was deployed to Iraq. She bounced 17 checks and each one was for something she wanted not the family needs. I call her the Emilda Marcos of the korean set the lady of a thousand and one shoes. I am also p'od that she refused to go back to school all the time we have been married and get a GED. She never told me she never finished school nor that she had been arrested before we got married. I am still pissed about that and so many other things.
Geishawhelk Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 So, I think this is what one might call "beyond saving".... Find a lawyer, file the papers, get financial support arranged for your kids before she can. Simple......No....?
carhill Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 OP, you can make this work. Firstly, get used to your wife being mad at you. Accept that as a normal state of being. You're changing much of what she's come to expect of you and that makes her mad. Think of mad as being normal and pleasant as a gift. Change your psychology. Setting your boundaries and changing yourself will make you healthier, whether or not your M survives. Reward acceptable behavior. I'll tell you something. I heard a lot of the same cr@p from my wife and it's only been since I've actively been pushing her out (encouraging her to buy a house of her own) and setting boundaries for her behavior that she's coming to respect me, not to be confused with liking me . I'm doing this with all women now. No one gets a pass. You'll see it in my postings here. I'll bet you have a lot of guilt. There are likely things you wish you could have done differently. Well, I'll tell you what. Assuming "deployed to Iraq" means you're in the military, you've done a lot, for all of us. It wasn't easy. It wasn't pleasant. You've likely been doing it for a long time. It was something you had to do as part of your life choices. Bring that same "do it" attitude into your home. What do you have to do now?
me4u2 Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 I can not wait for us to get divorced!!!! It's comming soon I can almost feel it. What are you waiting for then? You must want to save your marriage or get ideas on how to correct what is going on. Otherwise, I would think you'd put something into motion being as how there is a ton of resentment and anger going on. Do you want to get divorced or do you want to save your marriage?
TrustInYourself Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Well the ongoing drama...... Lying in bed last night with the woman watching cheaters. Wife says she hate the show and I said I liked it. We have watched this show before a lot and she never said this before. Well I am hugging her and told her lets cuddle. Guess what she says! Stop being such a sissy. I was like WTF? I said well if I am a sissy for wanting to hold my you then you are a 8 1 T C H! She got all huffy and said leave don't sleep here. So I said alright and took my blanket and went to sleep on the couch. I got up in the middle of the night and went to sleep in the bed because my back hurt. Here the rub, What law says woman can say what they want and men can't. My wife keeps quoting stuff as if it comes out of some book. I tell her show me where this is written. Do women convince themselves that there are some set rules that guys need to abide by? Do they reinforce these non binding statements when they talk with their girlfriends? I can not wait for us to get divorced!!!! It's comming soon I can almost feel it. I beleive my wife is very unhappy because I nolonger bend to her wishes. I have told her this isn't gonna happen. I told her when we were young I was a blind fool of a romantic but since I retired from the service I actually see how you are. I think I pin pointed the event that broke the camels back. I final straw was when she totally f'd up our finances when I was deployed to Iraq. She bounced 17 checks and each one was for something she wanted not the family needs. I call her the Emilda Marcos of the korean set the lady of a thousand and one shoes. I am also p'od that she refused to go back to school all the time we have been married and get a GED. She never told me she never finished school nor that she had been arrested before we got married. I am still pissed about that and so many other things. I laughed at this entire post. You are doing whatever it takes to get a divorce by acting out like a child and your wife is reciprocating. The final straw is just money...just money. Get over it. If it's a big deal, go to budgeting/financial classes with her. Work it out. Perhaps if you communicated these concerns like an adult and just ignored your wife's childish responses we'd be having a different conversation. If we all just added fuel to the fire for every disagreement, no one would be married. We are all imperfect humans, but intentionally being an a-hole doesn't help anything. If you want a divorce, ask for it. Stop being a baby.
Gunny376 Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Under the UCMJ (Uniformed Code Of Justice) the actual service-member is responsible (even if deployed to Iraq) for any and all financial debts of he and his dependents. (aka his household). If she bounced 17 checks on or off base, and the military becomes involved? It could potentially subject the service member to a court martial under the UCMJ, thus jepordizing his/her military career. The military usually uses common sense in such and onlyh prosecutes in the most extreme of cases, but the stress on the actual service member is still none the less?
Reggie Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 I am through being off-handedly corrected by my wife. Everytime I try and converse with her about how our kids act I am told I am wrong. BS!!!!!!!! I have had it up to here with this woman. She is such an ass! I told her just now that I hate her and I mean it. We have been married for 20 years and never once has she lifted a finger to do anything for me.It has always been me doing for her. When I say something I'm wrong when she says anything she's always right. She believes what ever her friends tell as fact and what I say as bull. I am sick of it and want out now! No more am I willing to be the nice guy. I have constant heartburn lving with this woman. Does anyone live in this type of situation? I feel trapped like a rat under a huge oppressive weight. Can this just be ignorance, indifference or what? I lived in a marriage like this. It will kill you spiritually and physically. I cannot believe how much nicer life is now that I am out. Do it, unless she will get help.
Reggie Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 I laughed at this entire post. You are doing whatever it takes to get a divorce by acting out like a child and your wife is reciprocating. The final straw is just money...just money. Get over it. If it's a big deal, go to budgeting/financial classes with her. Work it out. Perhaps if you communicated these concerns like an adult and just ignored your wife's childish responses we'd be having a different conversation. If we all just added fuel to the fire for every disagreement, no one would be married. We are all imperfect humans, but intentionally being an a-hole doesn't help anything. If you want a divorce, ask for it. Stop being a baby. This is BS , IMO. The check bouncing is a big red flag. Check out Borderline Personality Disorder. The financial stuff is rampant among the disordered.
Angel1111 Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Lying in bed last night with the woman watching cheaters. Wife says she hate the show and I said I liked it. We have watched this show before a lot and she never said this before. Well I am hugging her and told her lets cuddle. She doesn't respect you because you don't mean what you say. You tell her that you hate her and then later you're laying in bed wanting to cuddle. I think she might also be wondering WTF??? This sounds like the relationship from hell and I suggest you follow thru with what you want to do - which is leave. What does it matter what she thinks or what other women think? I've been with a couple of men that could've had me asking the same questions. Some people do think they have the right to act any way they want - and by sticking around and putting up with it, you prove them right. So, unless you enjoy this endless drama and onslaught of disrespect, then I'd suggest you stop talking about it and start acting. There are no words powerful enough to convey what the actual act of walking out the door and not returning can convey. It leaves no room for doubt about your intentions. You're only trapped like a rat under an oppressive weight because that's the choice you've made. If you don't like the choice, then stop making it.
jmargel Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 You don't get respect by yelling. You get respect by showing confidence without the threat of fear. Also your communications is way off. You two need counseling. From what I'm reading here is a big picture overview of what happens: 1) Wife does something that she shouldnt do 2) You get upset and tell her 3) She gets defensive and probably says something mean 4) You get more upset and start yelling 5) She starts yelling When the yelling starts, the communication totally ends. Then usually it will become personal and the argument will turn into something totally different than what the argument was first about. You talk the talk, but you don't walk the walk. She tells you to leave and you whimper to the couch, then slink back to the bed. She has no respect for you because you don't put any actions behind your words. She just doesn't believe or care about what you say. Now, this isn't your fault, however when you do what you did the other night it doesn't help things. At this point I would say either counseling starts in the next week or arrangements need to be made for you to to seperate. You really need to instill this in her and it will take quite a bit since for the past 20 years she hasn't really taken your word for anything.
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