alwayssme Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Please read and try to give me your most sincere advice Today was the worst day of my life so far. Sorry if it's long. I know most of my posts I am always talking about how much this hurts and honestly in all seriousity, now i believe it has reached another level, mentally and physically. i have cried EVERY SINGLE DAY for the past 3 months. I never thought in my life i would love somebody so much to the point that if they left it would destroy me. I don't think I would have felt this bad even if someone would have died and that's very messed up of me to say but it's the truth. Here is my story. I'm a girl that was brought up with a lot of love and people around her. Most of the time, I try my best and usually get what I want. I had NEVER been in love before, nor in a relationship. I was very independent and always on my own. Two and a half years ago, I met my ex. I was with him for two years and I ADORED him! I built a future in my head of us getting married and it NEVER occurred to me that we could break up. I made some mistakes in the relationship and so did he but he tells me this is NOT the reason why he broke up with me. However I tried apologizing to him and explaining to him how much i love him. But he said he wanted to move on and that we're never getting back together and for me to just let all of this go. I tried to at first, but I couldn't. I was going out on dates and hanging out with friends but nothing was changing. Believe me, i TRIED hard. Then me and my ex start talk, get together, kiss, cuddle and basically act as if we're a couple. Then I tell him i want to be with him, he says he doesn't and that he prefers for us to not talk as much. He says our break-up doesn't bother him at all, he is living his life happy. That crushes me. I feel used, unloved, and just miserable because here I am suffering and there he is HAPPY without me! I finally see that I have destroyed myself completely for somebody who doesn't care about me. I have lost 20 lbs and really could not focus on ANYTHING in school. woke up in the morning crying, went to bed crying...complete self-destruction which i am not proud of at all. Worst of all is that i fed myself hope we could get back. In my apartment, he's like a ghost, i HATE being here because it reminds me of him. I cannot believe he doesn't care anymore at all. He is so different and I feel like I'm grieving the death of the old him. I KNOW I need to stop crying over somebody who doesn't want me anymore and I am more than willing to make that step. However it's like a demon is inside of me and it is destroying me. Besides my mom, I don't have NOBODY to be there for me or consult me, i feel so alone and betrayed. Today I almost had a seizure as i was crying hor hours. I threw up and couldn't think clearly. My family and friends are very worried about me and strongly suggest i see a psychiatrist but I don't see how that would help. What do I do? This is tearing me up inside. Should I seek proffesional help?
lofi_tokyo Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I think going to a psychiatrist is a good idea. They'll give you the tools to move on solidly. Also, I just want to say, your ex told you he was perfectly happy broken up - while you were acting like a girlfriend still. Yeah, I'd be perfectly fine being broken up too if my ex was still behaving like my boyfriend, except I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted. When you're finally gone, he'll learn to appreciate you a bit more, trust me. He most likely won't come back, but hell, he'll miss you.
Author alwayssme Posted October 31, 2008 Author Posted October 31, 2008 thank you tokyo i don't know if he'll miss me. most likely he'll be happy i won't be bothering him anymore. he told me he prefers for us not to talk as much. i still have to see him a couple more times for some payments we have to do but they're under his name so my mom says if he doesn't call, then that's his credit that's gonna be messed up not mine. but since i'm a good person, i would not let that happen. i just hope he calls because i really don't want to call him after all the things that have been going on... i don't even know how to react if i do see him or talk to him. well at least i fought to keep him in every way possible and he doesn't want me. i'm done worrying about his life, i'm just so torn and want to pick myself up.
Dmoney28 Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Hey hun, you should defintly seek the help of a psychologist. Im bipolar, so dealing with the guilt of causing the break up as well as the actual break up made me so out of control with my emotions i could'nt function for 2 months. He/she will give you the proper direction in which to move past the pain.Just make sure you go and be consistent with your sessions. I hope the best for you...i really do. These kinds of break ups make life hard to deal with everyday. Stay strong
Author alwayssme Posted October 31, 2008 Author Posted October 31, 2008 thanks Dmoney! i blame myself alot for him leaving me. i wish i could take back mistakes i made. even though he told me it's not my fault, i beat myself up over it alot. how much do psychologists cost and how do you look for one thats good?
Katherineos123 Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Hi there. Im so sorry to hear how much youre hurting. But just keep in mind, one day youll look back on this expirience, and you will know that it made you stronger! i think you could definately benefit from talking to someone, hell, I think EVERYONE could benefit from talking to someone!! If you have health insurance, then you should go through your health agency to find a councelor that is covered. Most plans cover mental health as well as physical health, but you would have to pay a copayment, usually 10-25 bucks. If you dont have insurance, you could either schedule an appointment with a councelor through your school, which would more than likely be free, or you could research some free clinics in yor community. Either way, I think you should really try and be proactive about this. Counceling is an amazing thing, it has helped me greatly, and I think it could really help you get through this tough time. When else in everyday life are we able to be completely self involved for an entire hour?! It feels pretty good!
Dmoney28 Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 well it depends on if you have medical coverage or not. I live in the U.S, and i HAD blue shield which covers psychologist sessions. My co-payment was like $45. But after my break up...i was unemployed, no more insurance. Usually most psychologist offices will make arrangements if you dont have health insurance. So they arranged a $80 payment per sessions. Its pricy. But it is sooooooo worth it. My Dr is great. They usually tell you what you dont want to hear...which is painful to hear. But you NEED to hear it and apply it. Just do a google or yahoo search for psychologist or councellors in your city. And call each one to see if your health insurance covers it...or if you can make arrangements if you dont have health insurance. Put it this way. My ex had total control by keeping herself in my life with txt's and calls. I was her puppet. At one point i hit emotional rock bottom....my Dr and family helped me out alot. Through NC ...total N.C i got control back. Now she is txting and calling me. I told her..we cant talk until you make a clear choice on your feelings. She still cant make one..... 2 month later...and i dont answer her calls. So yeah...the head shrink will work wonders...if you let them. Best of luck to you....i know that seering, pain that lashes out at your souls when you wake up, and when you fall asleep...it will better.
Lonelystar Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I am so sorry you are going through this. I think you should see someone, and slowly but surley this will all be over. I know losing someone you love hurts like hell, but perhaps it is the universes way of letting you know he isn't the one. I cried for a long time too, and I am still in pain because my ex just left me. However, try and surround yourself with people you love. Join a book club, or go to a show. Maybe you could buy yourself something nice, or take a nice day at the spa. I wish you all the best of luck, and keep posting here...it helps!
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