How does NC feel? (for those that have been doing it for awhile)

[alwayssme]

How is it exactly? What do you go through? Does it help you forget about the ex quicker? Is it the best solution when you know you two are not getting back and the ex is fine without you? lol so many questions, just wanted some inputs! thanks! you can be as specific as you'd like. Those that have been through it and those that are going through it.

[maxmuscle]

It sucks at first, but as time move forward, you get better. NC is pride, ego, strength, and light after darkness. It can work in your favor. BUT BE CAREFUL BECAUSE YOU CAN FIND YOURSELF DOING IT ALL OVER AGAIN..

[mixwell]

NC = Like having a really bad itch and you can't scratch it. Eventually the itch starts to go away.

[BCCA]

Its like quitting smoking. It sucks really bad at first, and you can hardly tolerate life. Drinking gives you the urges to break down and give in, and avoiding them can be really difficult. Eventually, you start to get over the addictions, and even though you get the occasional urge, you've gone too far to look back.

 

In the end, it's like freedom. You've exiled them from your life to the point where contacting them would just be weird, you wouldn't even know what to say because you really don't care.

 

NC is the fastest way to heal. It's not easy, but neither is the alternative.

[lofi_tokyo]

NC = Like having a really bad itch and you can't scratch it. Eventually the itch starts to go away.

 

Good analogy.

I'd add that even though the itch is there, in my experience, I could actively see myself caring less and less each day. Pretty phenomenal how well NC can work.

[Hersheys]

To me NC feels like a personal victory each day. I feel happy and pleased with myself for being strong enough to resist contacting my ex.

 

NC is difficult because it still makes you think and regret things BUT the longer you stay NC, you will find yourself thinking more about yourself, your future and what kind of relationship you want and deserve.

[Peter_pan]

good days bad days. its the only option really. esp if they hav moved on without you. you dont wanna know bout them and the new person tbh

[kizik]

I guess at first it's hard, but after 6 months, I don't even think about it anymore. Sure, I think about her, but I don't ever consider calling her. What would be the point? She doesn't call me either, so obviously she has a new boyfriend or does not care about me anymore, or both. In any case, the girl I loved very much doesn't mean sh*t to me anymore, simply because she drove me away with her verbal abuse.

[MrMe]

Good analogy.

I'd add that even though the itch is there, in my experience, I could actively see myself caring less and less each day. Pretty phenomenal how well NC can work.

 

I agree. I care less and less each day. Im not to the point where I have stopped caring. But it doesn't hurt as bad.

 

From time to time I think about her and how much I miss her. I still haven't lost my feelings for her. But its not as painful. I still want to be with her, but I know that if I cant be with her, Im perfectly capable of moving on. I think one of the best things about NC is that you definitely learn that you CAN live without someone, no matter how hard it was to imagine before the breakup.

 

Then again, our split was on relatively good terms, so that may have something to do with it.

[EmperorR]

It sucks, first few days I felt horrible checking my phone every second, chehcking my email every minute, hoping sh would contact me, as the days turn to weeks and time goes on you lose that feeling of always checking, and when if ever your ex does call you or msg you, your pissed because your almost near to recovering adn there trying to bring you back down.

 

Maybe im the only one wit this feeling but every day of NC I fel like im growing further apart from my ex, I can't honestly say I love her anymore and this is one thing I was scared of, which is dumb.

[alwayssme]

i need to get the past out of my system, HIm out of my system...even though he was a good guy, what can I do if he doesn't want me anymore? uhaskdhskfjhskfkf!!!!!!! need to let go!!!!!!!! NC sounds so hard but i did try for 3 months straight!!!! he said he prefers to be distant. i just need to accept that it's over because for some weird reason my heart still can't believe it...we had a very sudden break-up...literally from i love u forever to i dont want to be with you anymore.

[robaday]

I went one month. Then she texted me at 5am last weekend, reminding me my sister died a year ago, then asking how I was. I had deleted her off Facebook and got to the stage of not caring about her anymore. I deleted the message and had no inclination to reply.

 

On Weds she texted again, saying she knew I was mad with her, but that she was thinking of me and if I needed someone to speak to I should get in touch. I decided to reply, vaguely saying I was fine, very busy, and hoped she was ok.

 

as soon as I sent it, the bad feelings returned. The hurt, anger etc. I came into work today and she'd re-added me as a friend. From an objective viewpoint this looks good-at least we're being adults. From my viewpoint it's right back to square one. She's just being nice, but its plunged me straight back in-stick to no-contact

[alwayssme]

my ex wanted to forget me. he even told me he didn't want to be with me and wanted to move on. when i read what i write i wonder why did i try so hard to hold on to him when he was trying so hard to forget me? i thought if i sticked around he would change his mind. all of you guys are strong going NC!! i wish everyone the best!! we'll help each other get through this

[Dmoney28]

Well, im not going to sugar coat it...it sucks..hard. But as with anything else, it gets easier each day. You have to take it one day at a time though. I think it depends on each individual case...why its harder for some than others. With me and my ex. we both still care very much for each other. So its when she breaks her own NC rule, i have to fight with every ounce of strength not call or txt back.

 

Just make sure if you have a ex who still contacts you....DO NOT respond. You have to get your emotions right first. If they want any type of reconciliation at some point they would say so. After a while if you stop responding to thier calls, they'll get the message and will stop...if not..

 

1. Just keep NC and move the hell on or

2. make damn sure they leave a message stating they want you back. None of thas ...."i just want to hear your voice" crap...F' that. We have been through too much pain to head right back to square one over some mixed message B.S

[oneofakind]

my ex wanted to forget me. he even told me he didn't want to be with me and wanted to move on. when i read what i write i wonder why did i try so hard to hold on to him when he was trying so hard to forget me? i thought if i sticked around he would change his mind. all of you guys are strong going NC!! i wish everyone the best!! we'll help each other get through this

 

That's horrible what your ex did to you...I have my own horror stories myself about ex's. Who knows why it's easier for him to let go...remember that guys have a way of holding everything in b/c they can't express their feelings as well as women can. It's hard to let go b/c you did love him, and he was a big part of your life for a certain amount of time.

 

Anyways, the point of NC is to give each other time to heal and move on. It hurts like hell at first, b/c as time progresses, it gets easier and easier.

 

Journaling is a good way to keep the NC rule. I use to write poems, letters...whatever I could to vent my frustrations out in a (private) journal of my own. Also, talking to friends helps keep NC b/c chances are, they've been through the same stuff you have. Just make sure that the friends you do talk to are trustworthy b/c god forbid your ex finds out your talking about him, and more drama can occur

[EmperorR]

I went one month. Then she texted me at 5am last weekend, reminding me my sister died a year ago, then asking how I was. I had deleted her off Facebook and got to the stage of not caring about her anymore. I deleted the message and had no inclination to reply.

 

On Weds she texted again, saying she knew I was mad with her, but that she was thinking of me and if I needed someone to speak to I should get in touch. I decided to reply, vaguely saying I was fine, very busy, and hoped she was ok.

 

as soon as I sent it, the bad feelings returned. The hurt, anger etc. I came into work today and she'd re-added me as a friend. From an objective viewpoint this looks good-at least we're being adults. From my viewpoint it's right back to square one. She's just being nice, but its plunged me straight back in-stick to no-contact

 

My ex did the same thing texted me on what would have been our three years. Ididhtreply but just that MSG are me feel like crap again.

[sultry33]

How is it exactly? What do you go through? Does it help you forget about the ex quicker? Is it the best solution when you know you two are not getting back and the ex is fine without you? lol so many questions, just wanted some inputs! thanks! you can be as specific as you'd like. Those that have been through it and those that are going through it.

 

For me initially it was really hard to do.. to not talk to the person you loved and lived with for almost 4yrs.. any news we shared and we was like any couple in love and to be left in the night with a letter and no contact hurt like hell. I still feel really sad that he is not in my life.

 

Nc helped me to work on myself to get busy and not make him my priority ..i had to accept that he was no longer the man i thought he was and that even though he said he loves me it is not enough for us to be together.

 

Infact i did not like the new him and to admit that also hurt.

 

Sometimes i think about him and im still sad but most of the time i think it happened for a reason.. which i will see in time.

I get the feeling that he cheated on me even though he was always the chaser in our relationship and romantic and caring etc.. but deep down i think he lied and cheated.

 

Now he is with someone.. didnt actually hurt to see a pic with him and her infact i laughed as she is not the type of girl i thought he be with.. but there you go;)

 

it hurt that he continued to lie and wanted to still see me.. im noones bit on the side or fwb..

 

so in the end i was the one to break the pattern an kick him to the curb..

 

nc has helped me as i wont break it.. its like an unwritten rule that to me im better than this i wont allow myself to be treated like that and if i feel weak i think no i will get hurt i be allowing something thats not me.. I DESERVE BETTER..

 

The thing you have to install in your mind is that once they leave the relationship they are no longer the person they was...

they chose to go.. decided they want life without you

and you deserve better...

 

Recently it would have been our 4yr annervesary.. i was sad on this day

 

but made myself busy

 

In past talks with him he did say he missed me loads and he did answer alot of underlying questions i had.. some sort of closure.. but i can say it didnt matter really.. had i had a rewind button on my life i would not have seen him after he left.. but i somehow thought it was right to fight:confused:

that by doin so it would help us get together.. but it didnt.

 

NC is to help you rebuild your life.. 100% and if they come back then you may find you dont like the person anymore

 

we split officially im march.. nc since sept 8th i think

Found a old xmas card from him.. just put it straight in the bin.. had i opened it

i would have been upset as i know the words would have hurt..

 

so im my case nc is helping..

im kinda seeing someone else.. not sure where its going yet as its early days

and he himself has few probs which im not sure i can handle

but at the moment its fun;)

 

which is how its meant to be

 

dont go through contact as it will make you feel like crap and keep them in your mind

[sultry33]

oops that was a bit of a long reply..

[ifeelgewd]

This is my first post here so to whoever sees this...hello!

 

I'm 31 days of nc coming off of an 8 year relationship and its one of the most painful things I've ever gone through.

 

She actualy moved out 2 years ago but we remained friends...best friends in fact.

Well, the day came she met someone and I freaked out realizing I still loved her....long story short....this time the breakup was for real.

 

So...had I not remained friends with her for 2 years I wouldn't be in this mess today....it was a great 2 years though.

 

I know this is for the best....I'm using the time to do an inventory on the relationship to find out what went wrong and why and figure out what I want and don't want the next time around.

 

We live in a small town so its hard not to see each other throughout the course of the day...I just try and make sure her cars not around before I go into the store, post pffice, ect....

 

Even getting a glimpse of her sets me back days....and thats not good when the days feel like there in slow motion.

 

Good luck everyone.

[Ingenue]

NC is a test of willpower. Like breaking any bad habit whether it be drinking, food, drugs, a bad break up, they all take discipline, endurance and the strength and belief in yourself that you can achieve it.

 

In the beginning it's hard to wean yourself off of the ex. You feel isolated, often alone, angry, sad, a bundle of emotions that test your resolve. Eventually in time you start feeling less isolated and your days of NC become weeks which then become months. That little nagging feeling of you wanting to talk and spend time with your ex, fades and you realise the things that you once found endearing about your ex no longer seem so rosy.

[sunshinegirl]

I've been NC for about 6 months. Like kizik, I still think of HIM but it doesn't occur to me, nor am I tempted, to contact him. He is, for all practical purposes, a stranger to me. He is with someone else; he ended things very badly with me and our relationship wasn't as rosy as I liked to think it was anyway.

 

So. Six months on, I am over the acute emotional upheaval - I rarely cry anymore, although I am still recovering emotionally and have some new 'baggage' to deal with as I try to start dating again.

 

I miss the person I dated for a year, but that person is long gone. And I was painting him with a rose-colored brush anyway... he would have been a terrible life partner for me. My job now is to come to really deeply believe that in my bones.

[Surfer Girl]

NC is probably one of the hardest obstacles to overcome and in alot of cases NC is broken at one time or another. I think what is the hardest is when you have finally gotten to the point of NC and then they contact you.... To be able to resist them contacting you....

 

I find to many times the withdrawal of NC only makes the person want you more... and many times reconcilliation happens as a result... But as others have said it is just a fix that time has not repaired and will in most cases result in breaking up again...

 

There was a reason for the break up and what has helped me the most is not knowing what he is doing.... I don't want to know.... It helps me move on, and makes me realize I can live without him....

[hardluckloser]

I am the poster boy as well, of regretting the NC break, I was only married just over 4 months when she left, 3 weeks ago, no reason, just gone. Came back a few days later for a bag of clothes, and just said I'm not happy. She never tried, just depressed since we moved and wouldn't talk, so the next week I emailed her 4-5 times and just asked her to talk with me. Nothing. SO I went 9 days no contact and that was 2 days ago, I sent her flowers to her office and the florist sent a I LOVE YOU card w no name. She called the florist and asked who the sender was. Ouch, then she emailed me and said please don't send me flowers anymore, all i want from you is your name on the lease or to move out. OUCH OUCH. So don't contact them. for any reason. I still want to make the marriage work, but its obvious she has moved on, if she ever truly "moved in" so to speak.

[Missmissymiss]

Well, in a sick sense, I am happy I am not alone:p! I broke my NC today. I KNEW he wouldn't answer but I just hadto try anyway to see if he still cared. HUGE mistake. Now I have to heal all over again. I will say that I only called one time as opposed to in the past when I called over and over (and over some more).

 

I made it 8 days last time, I refuse to go back.

[allanDR]

I can't honestly say I love her anymore and this is one thing I was scared of, which is dumb.

 

 

Funny, I've had the same feeling. I haven't talked to her in two months and It's been really difficult. I think about her constantly but sometimes I'll realize that she hasn't crossed my mind for a few hours, and that makes me really sad. I want to stop loving her but when that actually starts to creep in, it really hurts. She tore my heart out.

 

There have been days when I've nearly contacted her and told her how stupid I was, I still want to be friends. Sometimes I really don't know why I'm doing this, then I think about all the horrible things she did and how communicating with her is impossible and utterly pointless.

 

I've told myself that in a few years when I'm truly in love with someone else, I'll contact her and see how it's going. But not until then, when I'm 100% sure that it will be ok.