IM5150 Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 [FONT=Arial]So it’s been a little more than a year since I fell into an A with OW. Some of you might remember me from my previous posts. I’m a photographer that had an A with one of my models. I played the game of lies, cheating, deceit, all that stuff for about 6 months before the W found out about my affair. When I first began the A all I thought I wanted was some fun. I thought to myself this girl was extremely attractive, 10 years younger than me 37/27 and that my wife would never find out. I will add that at this point in my marriage I had lost all physical attraction to my wife. II felt weird kissing and even holding her hand in public. She was a good looking girl but for some reason I wasn’t feeling it anymore. I craved another woman, someone I could share all the sexual passion I had built up and was unable to release. I found this with OW. I was in heaven. Like a crack addict needing his fix. The excitement, the meetings, the sex, it was all better than any drug in the world.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Fast forward 6 months and the W finally found out. She overheard a phone conversation. I quickly moved out of the house. Spent 2 weeks in a hotel, then ended up renting a room from a friend and that is where I’m at today. [/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I am proceeding with the divorce from my W. We have filled out the paperwork with the lawyer, we agreed on everything so it went smoothly. We still talk to this day and our friendly with on another. She has already moved on to someone else which is refreshing to me because now she doesn’t obsess with what I’m doing with OW like she use to.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Fast forward to today, OW is now living with me in my condo. We were seeing each other everyday. We could not go 1 day without seeing each other and I would end up sleeping at her house or she at mine. We slept together every night and still do till this day. [/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]The extreme high that we use to experience when we first started the A has died down some but I’m still very in love with her as she is with me and the sex and attraction to her continues to be extreme.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Now comes my problem….. I seem to be obsessed wit her! I can’t help it. Some of the symptoms? Let’s see,[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I think about her constantly every minute of the day.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I feel like my life revolves around her[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]When she calls my phone, no matter what I’m doing I answer the phone, when I take a shower I leave the phone next to the shower and one time I even answered it with soap in my hair[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]My work has become somewhat unproductive.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I take long lunch hours to be with her during lunchtime knowing that I can get in trouble.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I feel like there’s no one out there better than her or prettier than her.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I try to please her every which way I can.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I let her borrow my car when she wants[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I have practically quit my hobbies just to spend more time with her[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I don’t talk to a lot of my friends because all I want to do is be with her and talk to her[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I’m sure there’s more that I can add to the list.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I think the most contributing factor to my obsession towards her is the lack of trust I have in her. I mean, I don’t trust her 100%, maybe 90% but there’s this little piece of me that I can’t trust her. Early on in our A she kissed a guy in front of me to get back at me for some stupid reason. Being that we are in a relationship that started with cheating and lying, it’s hard to shake the trust factor.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I’d like to hear from others that are currently obsessed with there OW/M. Is this normal?[/FONT]
NoIDidn't Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 Man, you gotta fix all those tags so your post is readable without having to decipher HTML in the process.
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I was like that over OM, and it is normal. Its funny - a little more than a year ago, I was hanging on every word he would say, calling constantly, getting hysterical when he wouldn't call me, moody as hell, alienating everyone just to spend more time with him, the whole nine yards. I was like a drowning person clutching flotsam. I overlooked and excused every single thing he did - things that I wouldn't tolerate before him, and sure as hell won't tolerate now - being a jerk, cheating, etc. I was that crazy about holding on to him. Right up until he broke things off with me at the worst possible time he could have done so, and even then I spent more time that I want to admit scraping what crumbs I could just so that I could still be in his life. He knew he could do or say anything or treat me any way he wanted, and get away with it. So, he took me for granted and treated more and more like an obligation every day, knowing that I was not going to go anywhere. Just like your OW will do to you when she realizes that not only are you not going anywhere, she will have a hard time getting rid of you. You know what? I look back on that now, and I see just how abso-f*cking-lutely miserable I was living like that. It isn't easy to see it from the inside where you are now, but a person in full blown addiction rarely does see just how unhappy he is being stuck like that. Cage bars look gilded through love mad eyes, and when the madness fades its like the lights coming on in a fun-house of horrors. You see very clearly warped images and exactly why they are warped. Things that were enchanting to you look tinny, cheap, faded and chipped in the light. You realize you bought a non-refundable ticket to the worst ride of your life, and you want nothing more than to get off.
2sure Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Well, she isnt the other woman anymore, so maybe you are simply in love?? Are you not happy? Many times people put aside friends, work, and even food when they are in love! If you trust her 90% that is a lot for a newish relationship. You made a mistake and did a horrible thing to your wife. The marriage clearly needed to end so you could both move on - and you both have! Maybe, just maybe, this time Karma is not going to come back and bite you in the a**. Maybe this is just happy and your not recognizing it.
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I forgot to ask this one - but is OW still 'dancing'?
MizzBlue72 Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Wow - I can relate, but you aren't going to like it. This sounds like a classic case of being co-dependent on this woman. You live to please her - you think her, feel her, breathe her, give up things that you liked, etc. You need to start finding yourself again -- and be gentle to yourself in the meantime. Detach a little -- Believe me - if by chance she were to leave -- and if you are a co-dependent -- it really, really crushes you.
frannie Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 ... I played the game of lies, cheating, deceit, all that stuff for about 6 months before the W found out about my affair. ... I think the most contributing factor to my obsession towards her is the lack of trust I have in her. I mean, I don’t trust her 100%, maybe 90% but there’s this little piece of me that I can’t trust her. Early on in our A she kissed a guy in front of me to get back at me for some stupid reason. Being that we are in a relationship that started with cheating and lying, it’s hard to shake the trust factor. Given that you were the one cheating on your W at the beginning: does your g/f trust you? Are you both not trusting each other? I think a healthy amount of awareness that cheating can and does happen isn't entirely a bad thing in a relationship. It seems to me that most of the time those discovering their partner is cheating were the ones who thought s/he was incapable of such an act. Did you feel this way about your W when you met her? Is it simply a continuation of the high of being in love? How long have you been together, still under a year? Maybe if you talked to her about how it made you feel when she kissed that other man for the 'stupid reason' you were married at the time and she was single..? Maybe some couples counselling to get a few things out in the open if you find communicating difficult.
Author IM5150 Posted October 31, 2008 Author Posted October 31, 2008 No, she's not dancing anymore. She got to a point where she felt she was being disrespectful to me by showing off her body to other men in that way. That aong with the fact that she never really wanted to do it in the sirst place and it was good money for her and needed it because she got here with no money. I forgot to ask this one - but is OW still 'dancing'?
Author IM5150 Posted October 31, 2008 Author Posted October 31, 2008 I'm with you 100% on this. It's hard for me too detach though and i think it has to do with trust issues. My sick head thnks that's if i leave her alone it gives her oppurtunities to be on the phone, text and talk to whomever, that kind of stuff. When she's with me she give's me most of her attention. I guess I'm just being very insecure. Wow - I can relate, but you aren't going to like it. This sounds like a classic case of being co-dependent on this woman. You live to please her - you think her, feel her, breathe her, give up things that you liked, etc. You need to start finding yourself again -- and be gentle to yourself in the meantime. Detach a little -- Believe me - if by chance she were to leave -- and if you are a co-dependent -- it really, really crushes you.
Author IM5150 Posted October 31, 2008 Author Posted October 31, 2008 No, my girlfriend doesn't trust me 100% but I think very close to it because since I've been with her I have not given her any reason to not trust me. I think I have built my trust. She knows that hse can call me at any given time of the day and I will answer my phone. Given that you were the one cheating on your W at the beginning: does your g/f trust you? Are you both not trusting each other? I think a healthy amount of awareness that cheating can and does happen isn't entirely a bad thing in a relationship. It seems to me that most of the time those discovering their partner is cheating were the ones who thought s/he was incapable of such an act. Did you feel this way about your W when you met her? Is it simply a continuation of the high of being in love? How long have you been together, still under a year? Maybe if you talked to her about how it made you feel when she kissed that other man for the 'stupid reason' you were married at the time and she was single..? Maybe some couples counselling to get a few things out in the open if you find communicating difficult.
mmk1 Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Lucrezia, I just left a 3.5 year A a month ago and I could've written your post word for word. I had the same exact experience, hanging around for crumbs that got fewer and fewer as time went by. I feel better that I am not alone. Thanks for the post!
stampdaddy Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I at first thought your thread said you were obsessed with OWL!... Now there would be a story!! :lmao:
Owl Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I at first thought your thread said you were obsessed with OWL!... Now there would be a story!! :lmao: Oh come on, Stampy...you know that EVERYONE wants someone like ME!!! :) Even you...admit it...deep down....
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