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What is wrong with me..?!

Chinook

By Chinook
in General Relationship Discussion

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Chinook Established Member

Chinook

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I didn't know where else to post this. So I thought I'd ask here... to try and get some views.

 

I'm having a problem with guys. I've been single for 18 months. I was dumped by my ex and it was kinda hard on me for around a year. I haven't been ready to date anyhow but some things keep happening which make me wonder whether I'll ever bother again and make me think being alone is preferable to ending up with a creep. The guy I was dumped by, I discovered he dumped me because basically he had never separated from his previous partner, he was living a double life. Anyhow, that was then, this is now.

 

In the last few months, I've experienced a couple of situations and I've really wondered whether there is something wrong with me.

 

Situ #1 - I became friendly with a guy at work, which was just friendly. Nothing untoward ever happened at all. A few coffees and chatting over work stuff. There wasn't even any swapping of emails. Anyhow, arond six weeks after initially discussing something we were working on, he explained he had split with his partner and he was homeless and staying with another colleague. Anyhow, the long and short of it was, he ended up moving into my place as a stop-gap for a couple weeks until he sorted out a place to live... basically so he wasn't sleeping on the floor. He was at mine for 5 weeks in total. We went out for a beer a couple times like housemates do, but other than that, nothing happened until the week before I asked him to go sooner rather than later. We had been out for dinner - just to eat on the way home... it wasn't a date like thing and there were no signals on either side. Anyhow that final week, he started making comments about 'taking things further' and I actually asked him to leave because that had never been my intention (although I can see now it was pretty naive to allow him to stay with me anyhow). Anyhow, he moved out and things were a little bit awkward for a while... but they're back to the distant-friends thing now which I'm alot more comfortable with.

 

Situ #2 - Arose pretty soon after situ 1 was resolved. The original thread for that is here . So when that all blew up, again... it was another friendship wasted. This guy was clearly after some extra-curricular activity. I tried not to see it like that at the time because he was my friend. But that's basically how it was and I've distanced myself again. Rather disappointed about it too.

 

Situ #3 - I decided to take some time out and basically started writing more and playing World of Warcraft. I don't play that much and I'm in a guild (online group) which is mainly populated with real-life people that I know via work and friends-of-friends at work. So a few weeks ago quite a number of us went out to celebrate one of the guys being sent away to serve with the UN. Basically that kind of thing is to wish the person well etc. So at this gathering, I met a couple who seemed kinda nice. Easy going, friendly etc. Anyhow after the night out, the guy from this couple starts messaging me. Not to talk about much, just saying hello and catching up. Last night I log in for a little while and the tone of conversation changed dramatically. He started off by asking what I thought of sex in high heels... then he asked what I thought about swinging.

 

Now, I'm not particularly drop-dead gorgeous, I'm also not a slut. I'm pretty even tempered and I like to think I'm fairly conservative. I don't wear skirts (I own one only) and always dress in combats, t-shirt and hoodies. So it's not like I wear sexy clothes. I'm not sure I'm ready for dating yet but my question is why do guys simply see me as a piece of meat or a quick lay..? What's wrong with me...? It's not even like I'm even talking to these guys about my private life because I rarely do it (last night was the first time and I ended the convo pretty much as soon as it started). It's just that I'm kinda getting the feeling that most guys see a single 38 year old and that equates to 'desperate for a shag' in their book. It's pretty diheartening really and to add to that, it's really made my confidence feel like zero. :(

 

No idea what I'm asking but if you have anything to add please let me know :(

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Chinook Established Member

Chinook

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Posted

Nothing wrong with me then..?! Cool.

allina Established Member

allina

Posted
Posted

I don't think anything is wrong with you. If anything you sound smart and self aware. Ok, maybe with the exception of letting that guy crash at your place :p;)

 

There is nothing wrong with backing out of the dating scene for a while, especially when there is nothing and no one there for you at the moment. You shouldn't become closed off and a complete recluse, but a bit of a dry spell and a couple bad situations don't mean that there's something wrong with you.

 

I remember being in your situation a few years ago. I was single for over a year and didn't date much, it ended up being a fun year that put me on track :)

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