sunshinegirl Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I am getting back in the dating saddle after the breakup of a year long relationship. In the last 2-3 months I've emailed and met/dated about a dozen guys. Pretty much all duds, as in - no connection, no chemistry. Not bad guys, per se, just not for me. So I'm wondering just how many 'frogs' people have to kiss before finding the proverbial prince/princess. Is there any kind of statistical average? I mean, should I plan to go through 50 more unsuitable guys before finding a good one? Or more like 100, or 200, or... ?
kizik Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 Hi SSG, who cares? Why worry about getting a man? You're female, the right one will come to YOU. In the meantime, enjoy the single life - once you're hitched, you'll miss it.
sweetbutcheeky Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I understand why your asking, if your out looking or letting them look for you after dating and meeting frog after from it gets annoying. People keep telling me that you need to get threw the duds first before you find the right guy. It would just be nice after all the duds to find the chemistry and enjoy dating again. I have met so many frogs and dogs it's so loud I can't hear over the ribbits and barking! lol
Author sunshinegirl Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 Hi SSG, who cares? Why worry about getting a man? You're female, the right one will come to YOU. In the meantime, enjoy the single life - once you're hitched, you'll miss it. Funny you should say that...I was thinking today that if I am likely to get married, that means I will probably only be single for a few more years, and I should make the most of them! Still, it is annoying/depressing/hard to go through the emotional roller coaster of getting excited about a person (online) and then meeting them and have it fizzle. Time and time again. Bleah. I'm ready to find the right guy who wants to adventure with me and build a life together. Where are you, sweetykins?
joshaz Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 Funny you should say that...I was thinking today that if I am likely to get married, that means I will probably only be single for a few more years, and I should make the most of them! Still, it is annoying/depressing/hard to go through the emotional roller coaster of getting excited about a person (online) and then meeting them and have it fizzle. Time and time again. Bleah. I'm ready to find the right guy who wants to adventure with me and build a life together. Where are you, sweetykins? Why do they fizzle? Perhaps there is an underlying reason that you could highlight in your profile or ask before you physically meet.
Author sunshinegirl Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 Why do they fizzle? Perhaps there is an underlying reason that you could highlight in your profile or ask before you physically meet. They fizzle because there's just no physical chemistry in person. You can't predict that ahead of time.
kizik Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 ... it is annoying/depressing/hard to go through the emotional roller coaster of getting excited about a person (online) and then meeting them and have it fizzle. Time and time again. Bleah. I'm ready to find the right guy who wants to adventure with me and build a life together. Where are you, sweetykins? SSG, personally I would advise against online dating. It's putting you in a stressful scenario in which expectations are high for both parties to be "ideal." And someone whose photo you don't like or something, you might find totally attractive in real life. Online dating is DEFINITELY not the way to meet someone meaningful, despite all the scattered success stories you might hear from Eharmony or something. It's a big phony world where everyone lies about themselves. It's nerve-wracking and anticipatory and, as you say, always a let down. Trust me darling, you are not the first to say that it always ends in disappointment. So, my dear, try focusing more on the things you HAVE, and not the things you don't. Before you know it, some guy like me will walk into your life, at which point you might even be second-guessing whether you want a relationship or not.
AMB3R Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I have been single for the last year, and have kissed about 15 frogs! Still no prince! Dont stress out about it, take your time. Great men dont come around that often. And when they do, they are worth the wait. Until then have fun, and take all the frogs as another life experience
Dark-N-Romantic Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Its kind of like the Blow Pop commercial... "The World May Never Know." Some can get it on the first try and some on the 200th. Others never find it at all. I myself am up to 5, 5 out of my 25 years of datable existance (I don't count the first 13). And I am on year 5 of my dateless spell. Why do women really suck in my eyes? I mean I read all your complaints and desires, match many of them, and yet guys like me ask you gals out you either turn us away or date us for a moment and then move on. Maybe your looking too soon for the prince instead of letting him grow and grooming him into that role. Vice versa guys, a woman is going to be who she is, but give her time, let her grow with you and you with her, for this is how love and affection really works. DNR
oneofakind Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 So I'm wondering just how many 'frogs' people have to kiss before finding the proverbial prince/princess. Is there any kind of statistical average? I mean, should I plan to go through 50 more unsuitable guys before finding a good one? Or more like 100, or 200, or... ? You have to watch with online dating. From my experience, not everyone is who they say they are online. It's good that you're at least getting out there and trying. I understand the feeling of feeling like you're never going to meet Mr.Right...I'm still single myself. Don't give up though...just take opportunities as they come. The more men you date, the higher the chances that you'll meet Mr. Right. In addition to the online thing, try talking to friends and see if they know of any single guys. Getting involved in something helps...do you do anything outside of work? Also, if you attend functions that have people, such as fundraisers, charity work, business parties, chances are there will be men there. The best part about life I've found is that you never know what's going to happen tomorrow...it may all change in an instant for you as far as dating goes. So keep positive and enjoy your single years as they last. You just have to watch with online dating. From my experience, not everyone is who they say they are online. I mean I read all your complaints and desires, match many of them, and yet guys like me ask you gals out you either turn us away or date us for a moment and then move on. Maybe your looking too soon for the prince instead of letting him grow and grooming him into that role. Vice versa guys, a woman is going to be who she is, but give her time, let her grow with you and you with her, for this is how love and affection really works. We probably had just gotten out of a long-term relationship and weren't ready for another one b/c we needed time to heal from the s.o.b. that treated us like crap. Either that, or we were doing you a favor by ending it b/c we saw early on that you weren't the right person for us. This is probably the best thing for us both b/c otherwise, that would have met years of drama and unhappiness for both of us. And guess what? I've also had the same experiences as you with dating. Guys do it too, not just women. Unless your hideous, I doubt it's anything you're doing wrong. I personally have higher standards about what I want in a guy now b/c I have been screwed over by men too many times in the past.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Personally, I have never done the online dating thing, and I don't think I will. Too much like browsing a rack of shoes, to me. Chemistry is so important, and you only know what your chemistry with someone is in person. So, I prefer to meet guys the old-fashioned way, out and about doing the things I love to do. Have you tried meeting guys this way, rather than online?
Nemo Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Sure, so not every frog you kiss turns out to be a prince, but boy do frogs give good tongue! As time passes, you'll get less selective. Soon enough, any guy that can sustain an erection will make your jaw drop like Michelangelo's David.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Well I am not hideous, unless you think the picture for my avatar picture is hideous, that's the real me. Love is a puzzle no matter where you meet people. I have hooked of with women through friends. I have met a woman just by chance. And I have met women by internet dating. And if the failing comes from both "conventional" and "unconventional" methods. The results have ended up the same. Maybe I should just save up money and forget the dating world and go straight for mail ordered brides, most of those work out from what I've studied. Love comes when it comes. When you are ready to met the right one and the right one is ready to met you, you will. In the mean time, you must decide how you are going to live your love life until it happens. Just because some people are too afraid to internet date or they themselves have had a horror story does not mean it will not workout for you. Don't worry about the numbers of anything, because in the end, life and love is all about chance and not calculation on the whole. DNR
Author sunshinegirl Posted October 31, 2008 Author Posted October 31, 2008 I understand the caution people are expressing about online dating. That said, I am kind of a "veteran" at this way of meeting men and I am very good at screening sketchy men out -- every one of them that I have met this round has (a) matched their picture and (b) not lied about their jobs or general life situation and © generally been a good person (as far as one can tell from one or two meetings). It's that there is no, zero, zippo in terms of chemistry. Part of why I use online services is that I don't have a lot of other ways to meet men. I travel a lot for work and otherwise work for a very small company where I don't meet/interact with new people very often. Most of my friends have already exhausted their networks of single friends (though maybe I should give that another shot). And it is generally a good idea to try to meet more men "organically". Just need to figure out more ways to do that. I can be introverted at times so I'm not often approached in grocery stores, coffee shops, book stores. It may also be true that I'm expending a lot of energy in this dating thing... I may pull back on that and just try to live my life and not worry about it. We'll see.
Nemo Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Maybe you need to move on to a completely new pond. Or try a different dating metaphor, and avoid the frogs altogether.
sumdude Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I find it interesting how people seem to want instant chemistry.. instant love ... instant gratification in general. Sure ,you know within say a couple hours whether of not there's at least conversational 'chemistry' and if you're physically attracted. Sexual chemistry can sometimes take a while to build in a relationship. Though usually the first make out session kinda lets you know. There is some scientific proof that some people are more attracted because of the small and taste of another. Has to do with immune system compatibilities etc.. That can account for a lot of folks ending up with the wrong person because that 'chemistry' was sooo good you overlook the red flags flying all around the place. Sure can be a fun ride for a while though..
sumdude Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Maybe you need to move on to a completely new pond. Or try a different dating metaphor, and avoid the frogs altogether. yeah.. amphibians are commitment phobes.. can't decide between air and water
You'reasian Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 yeah.. amphibians are commitment phobes.. can't decide between air and water True, but they are comfortable on water and land
You'reasian Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I find it interesting how people seem to want instant chemistry.. instant love ... instant gratification in general. Sure ,you know within say a couple hours whether of not there's at least conversational 'chemistry' and if you're physically attracted. Sexual chemistry can sometimes take a while to build in a relationship. Though usually the first make out session kinda lets you know. There is some scientific proof that some people are more attracted because of the smell and taste of another. Has to do with immune system compatibilities etc.. That can account for a lot of folks ending up with the wrong person because that 'chemistry' was sooo good you overlook the red flags flying all around the place. Sure can be a fun ride for a while though.. Spot on. I think 'chemistry' is what it is - there must be some kind of pheremone match up or something. Immune system? Not sure about that, but I don't doubt there's a chemical match up. It is what it is. The success of that relationship depends on the personalities/beliefs/values involved.
allina Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 You're meeting too many men in too quickly. With such a large quantity it's hard to realize which men you could have chemistry with. I think you would have more success if you slowed down and picked through these men more to see which were a good match. It seems like you're stuck in a pattern of meet, dismiss, next!
Isolde Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I find the notion of evaluating sexual chemistry on the first date very UNromantic. I mean, if its someone you cant imagine wanting to french kiss then you shouldnt be dating them but if youre not sure how good the sex would be thats a dumb reason to end things. Also, on the numbers issue I'm a firm believer that some people are going to be compatible with more people than others. Im one of those people whos compatible with very few. Its not fair, but its life.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 I find it interesting how people seem to want instant chemistry.. instant love ... instant gratification in general... I agree with you on this point Sumdude. Especially from Americans and many western cultures, we don't like to take time to really cultivate things. We want it now and our way, no matter what it is, food, drink, sex, etc. But, very few really take the time anymore to savor things. Good - great chemistry IS NOT INSTANTANEOUS!!! It takes time and effort to really blend properly. It is tested and tried, not expected or easily fallen into (especially in most cases). True love is something that is willing to weather anything, even things that most people would find foolish to accept or continue a relationship from. It is not based on how hot someone is, how much money they have, how good they are in bed, all these things and more are built over time and over time change. This is why I probably have so few girlfriends, I don't run, I take my time to get to know the woman I claim I love, and I develop patience for certain things. My problem is that I find the women who are looking for that instant gradification. DNR
Dark-N-Romantic Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 Speed-dating has a lot to answer for. LOL. Yeah. I don't get that either. Especially for us people who have layers like an onion. God knows it takes time to really get to know us. The other thing I really hate is the idea that women who use the idea if I am willing to sleep with you that you are a match for me. And then, they find out the hard way about certain sexual oddities that turn them off, yet the guy (or gal, if that's what your into) could have just about everything else they are looking for. And trust me, I am a pretty kinky fellow and if sex WAS the most important thing in a relationship, then I would only be compatible to porn stars and sluts. DNR
Geishawhelk Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 Thank you DNR...... *Ding-a-ling* NEXT!! Doesn't that feel awful, though? I mean, really.... what IS the point - ?! When you consider that engagements used to last for years, sometimes.... now, here we are, if we're not fumbling, necking and french kissing by date #2 - what's wrong - ???!!!
Recommended Posts