purpleplanet Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 We were unhappy for almost a year while we were living together. There were lots of little arguments, interspersed with the big arguments that we could never resolve. In the end I decided that maybe some space would clarify what we really felt - did we even enjoy each other's company anymore? What were we hoping would be the reward for so much work? I had my doubts. I felt like we had grown apart, and we were opposite to begin with. The only interest we shared was our love for one another. But we were simply not very compatible. I hoped that we could be friends eventually, because I know we loved each other. We just drove each other crazy. I moved into my own place - a big two bedroom condo so that if things worked out, we'd have plenty of space. "B" moved in with his old roommate and let me keep a lot of his furniture, until he figured out what to do. But even in our own places, the arguments did not subside. Not even a little! We were not living together, so there was no excuse, right? We had grown apart. I ended the relationship. He seemed to take it poorly, sending ranting emails about how I made no effort to make things work, insulting everything from how I didn't cook often enough to I didn't "put out" often enough, to how I let my friends take advantage of him when they accepted his offer to pay, to how I was making him fat by ordering dessert when we went out. I stopped talking to him, and he finally started being a little nicer, saying he just wanted to talk. He came over on Monday and we had a good talk, though I was still hurt by the things he said, and told him I didn't think we could make plans as to if and when we could get back together. He said he hoped I would reconsider. The whole week I thought about getting back together. We were supposed to meet with a counselor on Saturday, but B was busy and I postponed the appointment. Then on Friday night, I went out with a girl friend to a bar where we were talking to some guys. Apparently B saw me out... and went absolutely insane. He called me 16 times in less than an hour, sent me 24 text messages about how he saw me out acting like the complete whore that I am, that I'm a worthless excuse for a human being, how I used him for 3 years and never loved him at all, etc. etc. He said that he would come by on Saturday to get his furniture and put it into storage. When he came by on Saturday, the rant continued... in person it was even more hurtful. I never insulted him back, though I said is that he was being horrible, and I was sorry I ever fell in love with him. I mostly just cried. Just before he walked out for good, he told me that I should kill myself to save the next guy the trouble. I don't think I've ever felt so heartbroken as I did right then. It's true that sometimes I didn't put in as much effort as I could have during our time together. I could never accept his situation: he had knocked up his college girlfriend, so our future included his baby mama and my role would be stepmom. I hated the thought of that. I thought that I could get past that, but I could not, no matter how much I loved him. I feel so guilty for that. I feel guilty for hurting him. I'm just heartbroken by the horrible things he feels towards me. And of course, I miss him anyway. It's been 12 days of NC since that Saturday. I know we were not meant to be. But it's still so hard. Some days are easier than others....
fran82 Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 hey purpleplant, you dont need to try to justify his rants, dont feel guilty. it sounds like all you've ever done is try to look after yourself! i know it hurts, let him rant but dont listen to a word he says! ending it does make you feel like something off the bottom of someones shoe, but you got to hold you head high, take a breath and shake away all those guilty feelings, slowly but surely it does work. yes, he'll be hurting, but all you did was take a step closer to your own happiness. you've got to look out for no.1, everything else will follow! *big hugs* fran
JooLee Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 wow.. your ex sounds like my ex.. he left me with almost the same harsh words.. and it totally broke me to think the guy i trusted and loved could be having so much hatred towards me. i didnt cheat on him or anything, just we got on each other's nerves too much and argued constantly too. i totally understand how u feel, and i know it easier said than done, but really you will feel better in time. you just got to understand why it has to end and why it is better to let it go and move on. no matter how much u try it wont be the same again. the abusive relationship has become a pattern, a cycle and i know you know the right thing to do is to end it all. stay strong. we are here to support or whenever u need to rant. my heart goes out strongly for you... like i said, i went thru almost the same thing...
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