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[sedgwick]

To those of you telling me to "snap out of it," would you mind expounding on exactly how one does this? To me, this seems to be akin to telling someone with an eating disorder to "just eat," or suggesting to someone with OCD that they "just stop with the rituals."

 

Caliguy, thank you...seriously.

 

Williamz, thank you as well. In a way what you said makes me feel good, and in a way it makes me think that I just wasn't good enough for him to put me above the bass. But okay, he slept with his bass in his bed, his guitar at his feet, and his fiddle on the floor beside him so it would be the first thing he saw when he got out of bed. Absolutely no joke.

[Freedom Now]

I don't know how one "snaps out of it..."

 

You just do.

 

You just get to the point where you can't stand where you are, can't stand how you feel, and your mind just snaps and says...."Enough. I've had enough of feeling like crap. I've had enough of letting him make me feel inadequate. Enough."

 

And at that point, the healing starts.

 

You start to see that NO MAN is going to take you down the path of depression any longer, NO MAN is worth this kind of pain, and that life is just too short to be miserable.

 

It's when you start to get indignant.

 

Snapping out of it is when you say.....**** him. I'm great and he sucks.

 

And believing it.

[Hersheys]

Personally, to snap out of something means acceptance and to stop being in denial.

 

In your case, maybe you could try (I know it's tough for you but just trying to help here) accepting that:

 

- yes he left you because you're not a musician

 

 

and MAYBE ( I know you will not agree with me here)

 

- he left you not because you're not a musician BUT he simply doesn't want you. It's not that he doesn't want Sedgwick, the non musician. He simply just doesn't want Sedgwick.

 

We all know here that Joe made a mistake for letting go of a wonderful person. It's him who should suffer for his loss, not you.

[Mary3]

I'm not attracted to anyone but Joe. I don't find anyone else even remotely interesting. It really sucks, but I promised to love him and I will, whether he speaks to me or not. I just keep hoping that somehow he can feel some of this love I'm sending out into the universe for him, and that it will help him feel better sometime when he's down. I'm sure he's found a fiddle player who's way smarter, sexier, cooler, and more talented than I will ever be, so he probably doesn't need my love at all, but still, it's out here for him.

 

Joe wanted an * exit out * of the relationship. Thats what you need to know. He found it. Some flimsy excuse or some big one. Joe had enough. Joe is not likely sitting out there in the universe knowing you are / were pining for him . As most dumpers , he is feeling relief and freedom. With that mind set , stop thinking about what Joe wants , what Joe does , who Joe is with and how many musical instruments he is sleeping with.

 

Get your own life going now , one minute at a time...

[CaliGuy]

Joe wanted an * exit out * of the relationship. Thats what you need to know. He found it. Some flimsy excuse or some big one. Joe had enough. Joe is not likely sitting out there in the universe knowing you are / were pining for him . As most dumpers , he is feeling relief and freedom. With that mind set , stop thinking about what Joe wants , what Joe does , who Joe is with and how many musical instruments he is sleeping with.

 

Get your own life going now , one minute at a time...

 

It's not quite that easy, Mary. For some it might be but for Sedgwick she needs to take a different approach. Yeah, she loved this guy a lot but he did not reciprocate her feelings.

 

I am willing to bet if she looks at this guy without her heart involved she can see the red flags, the warning signs and all the negative traits he has and then make a list of pros and cons. Odds are the con list is a lot longer than the pro list.

 

We don't know why we love the people we do. That we have no control over. But what we do have control over is ourselves and our lives. We are the only people on this planet in control of us. With that in mind, the OP simply needs to accept that it's over and that she isn't a bad person or unworthy of being loved.

 

She simply fell in love with a bad apple.

 

And ya know what? We have ALL done that at some point in our life. We just have to pick ourselves up by the bootstraps, learn from this experience and apply it to the next one.

 

More often than not a successful relationship is only achieved after many, many failures.

[sao2]

Hi Sedgewick,

I wish I had advice for you. I wish I could say anything other than it has been a year and a half for me too and thoughts of her still dominate my existence. I have never felt like this before. I am not even sure that I love her anymore because I can't possibly know who she is anymore.

 

All I feel is the pain of her absence from my life.

 

Sedge, I wish I could tell you something more than you are not the only one who feels stuck, who feels inadequate.

 

I meet plenty of girls, some of whom I can imagine are attracted to me, but like you I fear that once things get more involved, once I let them in like I let her in, that I will get rejected once again.

 

You are not alone in feeling this way after so long Sedgewick. I am there with you.

[ashley83]

She did fall in love with a bad apple. Try to stop thinking about why he did what he did! I've been there, and eventually you snap out of it. And he sounds kinda touched....does he really sleep with his bass?? omg If so you'll never understand him. I'm a pretty open minded person.

[sedgwick]

Ha, thanks, Ashley, that cracked me up. I had a rough day at work and I needed it.

[sedgwick]

I've had an exhausting few days, but to sum it up, my favorite writer flew to town to get tattooed by my artist for a week straight. It's been amazing and intense and fun and sad and awesome. I've admired this woman for years, and her book was the one that made me write my book, and I worked all this time to sell this book so her agent would put me in touch with her, and...whew. Basically it's been both surreal and inevitable. This woman was just named one of the 20 Smartest People in Minnesota (which we've been laughing about, but still), and she was nominated for a Pulitzer, and she wants to hang out with ME every day. I'm still not really sure this all happened. I told her the other night I hoped we'd be friends for life and she said, "well YEAH."

 

So. F*cking. Bizarre. If I were reading this I'd be saying, "Is this chick a pathological liar?" but it's totally really happening. And so what did I do yesterday? I started sobbing to both of them about Joe. I didn't mean to, but they asked, and I still can't tell the story without crying. Soooo, anyway, I told them the whole thing from beginning to end, and they kept saying, "and you love this guy WHY?" I said how haunted I'd been for the past year and a half about his having literally just disappeared forever one day, and how it made me feel like I wasn't good enough for him, and the favorite writer turned around and said, "Oh, no, no, honey, he was so obviously not good enough for you." The tattooer said, "You just need to tell that dude peace out," complete with hand signal. She said, "If I ever meet this guy I'm gonna have to kick his ass," and I told her that would be fine.

[Mary3]

I've had an exhausting few days, but to sum it up, my favorite writer flew to town to get tattooed by my artist for a week straight. It's been amazing and intense and fun and sad and awesome. I've admired this woman for years, and her book was the one that made me write my book, and I worked all this time to sell this book so her agent would put me in touch with her, and...whew. Basically it's been both surreal and inevitable. This woman was just named one of the 20 Smartest People in Minnesota (which we've been laughing about, but still), and she was nominated for a Pulitzer, and she wants to hang out with ME every day. I'm still not really sure this all happened. I told her the other night I hoped we'd be friends for life and she said, "well YEAH."

 

So. F*cking. Bizarre. If I were reading this I'd be saying, "Is this chick a pathological liar?" but it's totally really happening. And so what did I do yesterday? I started sobbing to both of them about Joe. I didn't mean to, but they asked, and I still can't tell the story without crying. Soooo, anyway, I told them the whole thing from beginning to end, and they kept saying, "and you love this guy WHY?" I said how haunted I'd been for the past year and a half about his having literally just disappeared forever one day, and how it made me feel like I wasn't good enough for him, and the favorite writer turned around and said, "Oh, no, no, honey, he was so obviously not good enough for you." The tattooer said, "You just need to tell that dude peace out," complete with hand signal. She said, "If I ever meet this guy I'm gonna have to kick his ass," and I told her that would be fine.

 

Feedback from your friends and coworkers is Spot On !

[CaliGuy]

I've had an exhausting few days, but to sum it up, my favorite writer flew to town to get tattooed by my artist for a week straight. It's been amazing and intense and fun and sad and awesome. I've admired this woman for years, and her book was the one that made me write my book, and I worked all this time to sell this book so her agent would put me in touch with her, and...whew. Basically it's been both surreal and inevitable. This woman was just named one of the 20 Smartest People in Minnesota (which we've been laughing about, but still), and she was nominated for a Pulitzer, and she wants to hang out with ME every day. I'm still not really sure this all happened. I told her the other night I hoped we'd be friends for life and she said, "well YEAH."

 

So. F*cking. Bizarre. If I were reading this I'd be saying, "Is this chick a pathological liar?" but it's totally really happening. And so what did I do yesterday? I started sobbing to both of them about Joe. I didn't mean to, but they asked, and I still can't tell the story without crying. Soooo, anyway, I told them the whole thing from beginning to end, and they kept saying, "and you love this guy WHY?" I said how haunted I'd been for the past year and a half about his having literally just disappeared forever one day, and how it made me feel like I wasn't good enough for him, and the favorite writer turned around and said, "Oh, no, no, honey, he was so obviously not good enough for you." The tattooer said, "You just need to tell that dude peace out," complete with hand signal. She said, "If I ever meet this guy I'm gonna have to kick his ass," and I told her that would be fine.

 

Same thing we've all been telling ya, eh Sedg?

 

We're not ALL wrong, are we?

[sedgwick]

It's not like I don't know he's an idiot, it's just that I still miss him. And if I'm so awesome, why doesn't he want me, y'know? Ugh. I wish I could just stop loving him, I really do.

[fabulousgal]

"And if I'm so awesome, why doesn't he want me, y'know? "

 

While I do not believe for a fraction of a millisecond that you are not way cooler, prettier, and more fabulous than this dude....

 

I completely understand this sentiment. I'm going through it too.

[CaliGuy]

It's not like I don't know he's an idiot, it's just that I still miss him. And if I'm so awesome, why doesn't he want me, y'know? Ugh. I wish I could just stop loving him, I really do.

 

Maybe, just maybe Sedg, the guy realizes he is a piece of crap and doesn't deserve you….

[sedgwick]

Maybe, just maybe Sedg, the guy realizes he is a piece of crap and doesn't deserve you….

 

I doubt that...I think he thinks I don't deserve him. I honestly do believe that he thinks I'm worthless, if he ever even thinks of me at all. I mean, I don't play music, and to him nothing else a person can do matters in the world. People who don't play music are so irrelevant to him that he thinks nothing of just bailing on them suddenly, never to be seen again.

[gd26]

I doubt that...I think he thinks I don't deserve him. I honestly do believe that he thinks I'm worthless, if he ever even thinks of me at all. I mean, I don't play music, and to him nothing else a person can do matters in the world. People who don't play music are so irrelevant to him that he thinks nothing of just bailing on them suddenly, never to be seen again.

 

The more you write about him, the more of a loser he sounds (although I already thought he was a loser even before). I struggle with some of the same issues myself. Perhaps you have a tendency to idolize emotionally unavailable men, the way I do. (It's not like I try to idolize them, it's just that their elusiveness has a strange strong pull on me.) But those guys have led to the worst kind of heartbreak. My guess is that it has to do with our egos, because we know logically that we aren't any less than them. But then we don't get why they don't want us, when we are smart, talented, loving, wonderful etc. It can be hard to mentally accept that just because someone doesn't want us, it doesn't mean that we are the one with the problem. It doesn't mean we weren't good enough for those guys. I think falling in love can be a random and often haphazard process, and sometimes people don't fall in love with us even though we think we are just right for them.

 

It's his loss. You deserve someone who adores and appreciates you and feels so fortunate to have you as his life companion. I'm sure that guy is out there somewhere (in fact, there are probably a LOT of guys who would feel so fortunate) - so keep putting yourself out there, and find him. Just make sure that you are genuinely happy with things in your own life. I think if you are jaded and still hung up on your ex that potential prospects do feel that somehow, and it pushes them away.

[sedgwick]

man, i would really like to go out and watch the election results somewhere, but my appearance and my not-a-musician-ness are keeping me inside as usual. i'm still too scared to go out and take up space that could be taken up by pretty fiddle players. sigh. guess i'll stay in and watch with the cats.

 

i've never gone out less in my life than in the past 16 months. i'm so afraid of running into joe or someone he knows. if i ever saw him with another girl, or saw his friends and had them laugh at me -- or worse yet, just not remember me at all -- i'd crumble. it's safer just to stay in and not bother anybody.

 

i am lonely, but loneliness is better than taking up too much space. it's better than making people angry with me because i have the audacity to go out even though i'm not a musician. but damn, yeah, i'm lonely. there was a time when i would have had the courage to go out. i'm just not the same person i was before i met him. i am a very limited and frightened version of myself now.

 

i wish he knew how deeply sorry i am for not having been good enough. if i could just have his forgiveness, maybe i could heal a little bit. i know this is stupid, but it's what i need. i want him to know that i really have punished myself...maybe not enough, but i'm working on it.

[ahhhchooo]

Maybe you should just go buy a fiddle and get lessons... it can't hurt, if you're so hung up on not being a musician. You don't even necessarily need to leave the house to get lessons, I taught myself to play the guitar just from printing off tabs on the internet.

[sedgwick]

If I had money for a fiddle and lessons, I'd totally already be doing it!

[gd26]

man, i would really like to go out and watch the election results somewhere, but my appearance and my not-a-musician-ness are keeping me inside as usual. i'm still too scared to go out and take up space that could be taken up by pretty fiddle players. sigh. guess i'll stay in and watch with the cats.

 

Stop writing this nonsense over and over again... this self-pity is really getting annoying. There are a whole bunch of people here who have graciously offered your their guidance and support, but you don't listen to anything that is said and just continue in your little pity party. Do you not want to get better????? What is your attitude getting you? Obviously you must be getting some payback, otherwise you wouldn't still be writing this stuff over a year later. I'm guessing you like posting these pity comments just to elicit a reaction from others so that they write some nice stuff to give you an ego boost. But after some time, it pushes away people who genuinely care and are trying to help you - as it seems like nothing anyone writes ever sinks in to you, and that we are all just wasting our time responding on your threads. I can't imagine what this must be doing to your social life, as your friends must be really tired of hearing the same stuff again and again without you listening to any of their advice. Is some unimpressive guy really worth all this?

 

I've noticed that you lash out against anyone who tells you to get a reality check. Or you simply comment on their grammar/spelling mistakes instead of really addressing the truth of what they have to say. You are only kind to anyone who supports you in your self-pity. Do you ever go back and read previous threads???? People have written such wonderful advice to you. Why do you keep posting this self-pity stuff, when all you have to do during your low moments is simply go back to your old threads and read the helpful advice that others have posted?

 

I have always been empathetic to your situation as I know you have mentioned that you are in therapy and trying to get help for it. But it's not enough to just go to therapy, you have to ACTIVELY work to get out of this ditch yourself. Otherwise you will go through life blaming your circumstances to your psychological condition. I'm not suggesting that your issues (depression, anxiety, or whatever else you are struggling with) is not real - of course it is. Of course your situation puts you at a genuine disadvantage in healing. But how long do you want to keep being in pain? I've noticed that you passionately defend your psychological issues, and often tell other posters that they don't understand the nature of your situation. It might be the case, but where does all that defending get you? It doesn't help you heal, as you always have an excuse (a genuine excuse, but an excuse nonetheless) not to get better. (There are other people out there who are disadvantaged in similar ways to you - would you tell them to resign themselves to their condition, or courageously fight to get better?) A person's strength and resilience comes from creating his/her future the way he/she wants, even though there are adversities and setbacks. If you really want to get better than you have to tell yourself that no matter how disadvantaged you are by psychological issues etc, you are still going to not fall prey into this whole 'poor-me' mentality any longer as you've spent the last 1.5 year on that - and enough is enough! Do you want another 1, 2, 5 or 10 years more of your life to pass you by in misery? If not, then when exactly do you plan to stop your pity party once and for all? We all know how awesome and talented you are - and its sad to see someone with so much to offer waste her life in this way. You might want to be a fiddle player - but gosh, I would LOVE to be a dancer - I do dance for fun, but how I wish that I was actually talented at it! I also am excited about publishing a book someday, though I haven't done it yet. Maybe you should take pride in your talents, instead of wasting your life in self-created misery when so many of us would be excited about your talents and many of the things you've done. We can't all be a million things to a million people, we just have to be positive about our strengths and not worry about the fact that we can't be good at everything. If a man didn't love me for some odd reason, like because I am slow at learning new languages - I'd think he was a freak of nature, and be very glad not to have him in my life any longer. There are plenty of men out there who think I am truly special, so why worry about what some odd person thinks? I've had untalented, unattractive, chauvinistic men reject me, while highly attractive, intelligent, healthy, talented, quality men think I'm wonderful. (Just because a loser rejects you, it doesn't mean that you are any less than him. He might have his own random reasons.) Wouldn't it be senseless if I let the fact that some man didn't like me 10 years ago still affect the quality of my life today? Actually, the most important thing is what I think about myself, not about what others think about me. If I think I am a kick-ass chick, then the random guy who doesn't care about me can go screw himself. His loss, I couldn't care less.

 

I am not going to post in your threads further or spend anymore time in reading through them. Not because I don't believe in you, but because I realize that nothing myself or anyone says to you is going to make much of a difference. You just aren't ready to pull yourself up yet, and you are still getting some satisfaction by sloshing around in your misery and writing these pity comments - and then bashing anyone who tries to tell you to stop. (Instead of being unkind, maybe you could instead appreciate that people are spending their valuable time typing advice for your benefit.) People have already written you thousands (literally) of wonderful comments of support, and if you would just read through those rather than posting the same self-pity over and over - it would really be nice. Are you going to create another 200 threads on LS sobbing over some unworthy jerk who didn't want you, and still not be willing to take anyone's advice here? I realize that if you choose to reply to my comments at all - it will be the same unkind spit-back response you give to others who try to give you a reality check - so I'm not following through this further. It would be unconscientious for you to be nasty to me when I'm simply trying to assist you and spend my time writing to you here. But seriously, if you want to get healthy for YOURSELF, then think about what myself and others have written. Not a million people trying to support you here can be wrong. You may think I'm being unsupportive, but I disagree. I don't think support is about "you poor thing" sympathy - I think it's telling the person what he/she needs to hear.

[sedgwick]

I realize that if you choose to reply to my comments at all - it will be the same unkind spit-back response you give to others who try to give you a reality check - so I'm not following through this further. It would be unconscientious for you to be nasty to me when I'm simply trying to assist you and spend my time writing to you here.

 

Goodness, that's harsh! Not spitting at you at all. I know this is frustrating to others. It's beyond frustrating to be inside all this. I'm sorry I upset you by not being finished being sad yet.

 

As for what this is doing to my social life, I don't really have one anymore. I basically only leave the house to dance or go to work. My world has become very, very small since he left.

 

Anyway, now it's time to go do my DBT homework and go to therapy -- which, last I checked, counted as working to get better!

[sedgwick]

Ugh, I really hate those days when I go to therapy and cry so hard I can barely talk. I hate knowing he doesn't have even the slightest idea what I'm going through. I wonder if he's experienced even a second of sadness over all this...

 

Sometimes therapy sucks.

[northstar1]

man, i would really like to go out and watch the election results somewhere, but my appearance and my not-a-musician-ness are keeping me inside as usual. i'm still too scared to go out and take up space that could be taken up by pretty fiddle players. sigh. guess i'll stay in and watch with the cats.

 

i've never gone out less in my life than in the past 16 months. i'm so afraid of running into joe or someone he knows. if i ever saw him with another girl, or saw his friends and had them laugh at me -- or worse yet, just not remember me at all -- i'd crumble. it's safer just to stay in and not bother anybody.

 

i am lonely, but loneliness is better than taking up too much space. it's better than making people angry with me because i have the audacity to go out even though i'm not a musician. but damn, yeah, i'm lonely. there was a time when i would have had the courage to go out. i'm just not the same person i was before i met him. i am a very limited and frightened version of myself now.

 

i wish he knew how deeply sorry i am for not having been good enough. if i could just have his forgiveness, maybe i could heal a little bit. i know this is stupid, but it's what i need. i want him to know that i really have punished myself...maybe not enough, but i'm working on it.

 

You know, I understand how hard it is to get over someone, and in this case, Joe has become an all encompassing presence in your life , 16 months later. But what I don't get is why you are connecting not playing the fiddle with leaving the house being out with the rest of society and doing things?

 

I don't think the average person thinks much about the violin/fiddle, nor cares if you have ever picked up one in your life.

 

What they might care about, is your book writing, and the rest of the hobbies and things you do. Those things will impress people and provide topics of conversation.

 

.

[PinkRibbon]

Wow still on here a year later talking about not playing the fiddle. I thought you would be out writing your second book or running a belly dancing troupe. You have great attributes and it is a pity and shame to see them wasted on someone who is "unappreciative". I wish I had the creative energy to write a book or knit anything..a sock...scarf...something. Maybe it is time to realize what you do have and not what you don't.

 

It has been a year since I first started out here and I have not posted in about 7 months or so. I have really moved on so to speak. My divorce papers came in the mail last week and he still to this day will not talk to me or see me. But who cares? Really who does?? I landed a position making more money at another school, bought a BWM, done more in the last 6 months than in all my years with him, lost 30 pounds and dating a really nice man who thinks I am the sun and stars. But I had to wake up one day and realize even though I do love my ex husband and always will it was time to walk out in the world and create my own wonderful space without him. You really need to look in the mirror and see what is important.....you. You are losing you. Time to move on.

[Mary3]

Stop writing this nonsense over and over again... this self-pity is really getting annoying. There are a whole bunch of people here who have graciously offered your their guidance and support, but you don't listen to anything that is said and just continue in your little pity party. Do you not want to get better????? What is your attitude getting you? Obviously you must be getting some payback, otherwise you wouldn't still be writing this stuff over a year later. I'm guessing you like posting these pity comments just to elicit a reaction from others so that they write some nice stuff to give you an ego boost. But after some time, it pushes away people who genuinely care and are trying to help you - as it seems like nothing anyone writes ever sinks in to you, and that we are all just wasting our time responding on your threads. I can't imagine what this must be doing to your social life, as your friends must be really tired of hearing the same stuff again and again without you listening to any of their advice. Is some unimpressive guy really worth all this?

 

I've noticed that you lash out against anyone who tells you to get a reality check. Or you simply comment on their grammar/spelling mistakes instead of really addressing the truth of what they have to say. You are only kind to anyone who supports you in your self-pity. Do you ever go back and read previous threads???? People have written such wonderful advice to you. Why do you keep posting this self-pity stuff, when all you have to do during your low moments is simply go back to your old threads and read the helpful advice that others have posted?

 

I have always been empathetic to your situation as I know you have mentioned that you are in therapy and trying to get help for it. But it's not enough to just go to therapy, you have to ACTIVELY work to get out of this ditch yourself. Otherwise you will go through life blaming your circumstances to your psychological condition. I'm not suggesting that your issues (depression, anxiety, or whatever else you are struggling with) is not real - of course it is. Of course your situation puts you at a genuine disadvantage in healing. But how long do you want to keep being in pain? I've noticed that you passionately defend your psychological issues, and often tell other posters that they don't understand the nature of your situation. It might be the case, but where does all that defending get you? It doesn't help you heal, as you always have an excuse (a genuine excuse, but an excuse nonetheless) not to get better. (There are other people out there who are disadvantaged in similar ways to you - would you tell them to resign themselves to their condition, or courageously fight to get better?) A person's strength and resilience comes from creating his/her future the way he/she wants, even though there are adversities and setbacks. If you really want to get better than you have to tell yourself that no matter how disadvantaged you are by psychological issues etc, you are still going to not fall prey into this whole 'poor-me' mentality any longer as you've spent the last 1.5 year on that - and enough is enough! Do you want another 1, 2, 5 or 10 years more of your life to pass you by in misery? If not, then when exactly do you plan to stop your pity party once and for all? We all know how awesome and talented you are - and its sad to see someone with so much to offer waste her life in this way. You might want to be a fiddle player - but gosh, I would LOVE to be a dancer - I do dance for fun, but how I wish that I was actually talented at it! I also am excited about publishing a book someday, though I haven't done it yet. Maybe you should take pride in your talents, instead of wasting your life in self-created misery when so many of us would be excited about your talents and many of the things you've done. We can't all be a million things to a million people, we just have to be positive about our strengths and not worry about the fact that we can't be good at everything. If a man didn't love me for some odd reason, like because I am slow at learning new languages - I'd think he was a freak of nature, and be very glad not to have him in my life any longer. There are plenty of men out there who think I am truly special, so why worry about what some odd person thinks? I've had untalented, unattractive, chauvinistic men reject me, while highly attractive, intelligent, healthy, talented, quality men think I'm wonderful. (Just because a loser rejects you, it doesn't mean that you are any less than him. He might have his own random reasons.) Wouldn't it be senseless if I let the fact that some man didn't like me 10 years ago still affect the quality of my life today? Actually, the most important thing is what I think about myself, not about what others think about me. If I think I am a kick-ass chick, then the random guy who doesn't care about me can go screw himself. His loss, I couldn't care less.

 

I am not going to post in your threads further or spend anymore time in reading through them. Not because I don't believe in you, but because I realize that nothing myself or anyone says to you is going to make much of a difference. You just aren't ready to pull yourself up yet, and you are still getting some satisfaction by sloshing around in your misery and writing these pity comments - and then bashing anyone who tries to tell you to stop. (Instead of being unkind, maybe you could instead appreciate that people are spending their valuable time typing advice for your benefit.) People have already written you thousands (literally) of wonderful comments of support, and if you would just read through those rather than posting the same self-pity over and over - it would really be nice. Are you going to create another 200 threads on LS sobbing over some unworthy jerk who didn't want you, and still not be willing to take anyone's advice here? I realize that if you choose to reply to my comments at all - it will be the same unkind spit-back response you give to others who try to give you a reality check - so I'm not following through this further. It would be unconscientious for you to be nasty to me when I'm simply trying to assist you and spend my time writing to you here. But seriously, if you want to get healthy for YOURSELF, then think about what myself and others have written. Not a million people trying to support you here can be wrong. You may think I'm being unsupportive, but I disagree. I don't think support is about "you poor thing" sympathy - I think it's telling the person what he/she needs to hear.

 

WOWWWWWWWWWW just wow Breathtaking and one of the BEST tough love talks I can remember in awhile. We do have some great members here . I can think of 10 who have profound help and meaning for the posters. Who really tell it to you STRAIGHT ! You have that such position , RIGHT ON !