tb13 Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I found that my fiance has been sexually chatting with over 200 women on several different email accounts. He says he is not meeting any of them but I have seen chat threads asking girls if they want to meet. He says it is all fantasy and that he will not give it up. He does this all day at work! I am having such a hard time coping with his sexual talks with women other than me his fiance. How would you handle the situation. I have asked him to stop, and he won't. Help! This is really affecting me adversly.
jwi71 Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 End the engagement. I mean really, you asked him to stop and he refused. Guess how valuable you are to him? Not as valuable as his sex chats. If you go forward with this your next thread will be something along the lines of "My hubby keeps cheating on me...what do I do?" Kick him to the curb - he is already cheating on you and showing you tremendous disrespect.
me4u2 Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 If we're really talking about 200 women, that sounds like an addiction. While I can understand his fantasy aspect and the fact that he truly views it as such, that doesn't mean that at some point, given the right setting and circumstances, the right conversation, the right location, etc., one of these times it may cross over into reality. I don't know, that's a serious gamble. I agree with ending the engagement. If you've asked him to stop and he's refusing, then I think you're in for more refusal of many other things down the road. It's not as if you've asked him to stop talking to all women. You've asked him to stop sexually chatting with many women. Furthermore, I can't help but think if you were doing the same he could just let it go and not be concerned.
Owl Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I found that my fiance has been sexually chatting with over 200 women on several different email accounts. He says he is not meeting any of them but I have seen chat threads asking girls if they want to meet. He says it is all fantasy and that he will not give it up. He does this all day at work! I am having such a hard time coping with his sexual talks with women other than me his fiance. How would you handle the situation. I have asked him to stop, and he won't. Help! This is really affecting me adversly. These are HUGE red flags. Definitely end the engagement. Do NOT move forward with this guy. For several reasons: He has NO respect for you at all, whatsoever. He has no desire for a monogamous, committed relationship. He may SAY he does, but these actions are proof otherwise. If he's doing this NOW...imagine what he'll act like five years into the marriage, when you're both dealing with kids, bills, jobs, maintaining a home, etc...? Be glad you saw this NOW, and not after you were married and legally bound together.
2sure Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 My Husband did the same kind of thing to a degree before we married. He told me the same thing your guy has said. RED FLAG. This addiction has given him a comfort level with this kind of thing that is not normal. His comfort level makes him think that this has nothing to do with his real life, or you. It lulls him into believing what he is doing is harmless. And when (not if) someone takes him up on his offer to meet - his comfort level with this is going to let him continue believing if you dont know its ok. He has to stop or you have to leave. It will be hard for him, because this sounds like something that has occupied a great deal of his time. He may need to get a job doing something productive that doesnt give him time for his "hobby". Eventually, he will not miss it and he will no longer have this level of comfort. At least, thats a theory.
Dexter Morgan Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I found that my fiance has been sexually chatting with over 200 women on several different email accounts. Totally inappropriate. I'd call the wedding off. If this is what he is doing now, just wait til you are married. He says he is not meeting any of them SO WHAT?? It is still inappropriate and inexcusable. but I have seen chat threads asking girls if they want to meet. He says it is all fantasy and that he will not give it up. He does this all day at work! I am having such a hard time coping with his sexual talks with women other than me his fiance. How would you handle the situation. I have asked him to stop, and he won't. Help! This is really affecting me adversly. You don't need to ask him to stop. You need to dump him, and NOW!!
Rooster_DAR Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 Run as fast as you can! That is completely unacceptable!
Geishawhelk Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 Hang on.... I'd like to say something in the guy's defence..... Nope. Nuthin' comes to mind. Say bye-bye!!
Author tb13 Posted October 31, 2008 Author Posted October 31, 2008 thank you to everyone that responded. It is hard to kick him to the curb because I really do love him. to make things more complicated we have lived together the whole three years and just recently rented a house with both our names on the lease. He says he loves me and I just don't understand why he can't stop his chatting hobby. If he loved me that much he would....right? Discussions just turn into arguments and he tells Me that I am getting on his last nerve. How do you handle a person like this? Help!
Geishawhelk Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 thank you to everyone that responded. It is hard to kick him to the curb because I really do love him. It's always hard when you love someone. Staying doesn't make it right though. to make things more complicated we have lived together the whole three years and just recently rented a house with both our names on the lease. Nothing is un-do-able..... He says he loves me and I just don't understand why he can't stop his chatting hobby. If he loved me that much he would....right? If it's an addicition - and it seems to be -no amount of love will make him stop it. He's the one who has to change, want to change and see why he has to change. Maybe leaving him will do it. maybe not. Discussions just turn into arguments and he tells Me that I am getting on his last nerve. How do you handle a person like this? Help! We've already told you.
me4u2 Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 thank you to everyone that responded. It is hard to kick him to the curb because I really do love him. to make things more complicated we have lived together the whole three years and just recently rented a house with both our names on the lease. He says he loves me and I just don't understand why he can't stop his chatting hobby. If he loved me that much he would....right? Discussions just turn into arguments and he tells Me that I am getting on his last nerve. How do you handle a person like this? Help! You don't handle a person like this - you leave. Period. Figure out the legal aspect of the lease and move on. By staying you are dragging out the inevitable. Are you hearing him - he said you're getting on his nerves? His Nerves?! He is sexually chatting with women and you are in his way. I believe that's how he sees it. Either your onboard with what he does or you aren't. And if you're not, he's not stopping, you're just on his last nerve. Seriously, I don't want to be harsh, but you have got to save yourself and your sanity. Move on and find a healthy relationship with someone who respects you.
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