sad&lonely Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 My gf and i recently broke up.. been together for year and half and we saw each other every single day!.. i cant begin to tell you how lonely i feel now without her in my arms. This was my frist real love and boy does it hurt for the first time in my life i feel like i have no reason to live. I know sounds stupid but my emotions are all over the place.. i break down crying so many times and im a guy! i have tried to keep her a little while longer with me calling her asking her to meet stuff like that but in the end im hurting myself more im stupid im in love still Since this is my first love how long before im ok again?? all i seem to do is sit in my room and cry and i have never felt this lonely in my life before i dont think i want to feel this ever again. I have been thinking of going to dr for antidepressents or something to pick me up a bit.. i want to go to the gym but i just have no feeling to do anything. Love is blind i was with this girl where i know i had no real future just passing time and being with someone but that turned into a year in a half of love in the back of my head i always knew it would end sooner or later and i thought i would be ready boy was i fooling myself i guess when your high and havign fun its all good now its time i pay the price. i hope i will get through this but right now i dont think i can love again for awhile and i miss that so much being lonely like this is awful i hope no one ever has to feel like this.. anyways just venting i know there is a better girl out there for me but i have this feeling in my heart that says i will never find it.. i dont want to smoke marjiuana either because it will make me feel worse in the end.. thanks for listening hope all the best for everyone. i will pray to god for strength as i need it most now
ahhhchooo Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 It's fine and normal for you to be crying over this - even as a guy. Sounds like you are rather lost now... and if you really accept the break up as inevitable it's time to cut off your contact with her, to make yourself feel better and focus on what you should be doing. You said you had no future in what you were doing and were just high/in love? Maybe it's time to start making one. There isn't a timeframe on how long it takes to get over someone/stop feeling lonely. You can make decisions to make it go away faster, or decisions that will make you dwell on it. Being your first love, you could love this girl forever, if you're anything like me. The pain goes but you never forget. 6 years of NC and I still think about the bitch nearly every day
frd150 Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 Yeah.... Alot of us know how you are feeling right now and it can seem that nothing can make it better. That is the furthest thing from the truth. I honestly believe that it takes a concious effort to pick yourself up and begin the process of living again. I was a proponent of anti depresants after what I concider the worst break up I ever had but let me tell yo uthat they only mask the inevitable reality of having to move on. DO NOT SMOKE POT. If you are a smoker then mabey just put it off for a while till you improve mentally. Ill tell you the best anti depressant (for me anyway) is the gym. It totally improves your mental state. You can walk in hating the world and walk out wanting to take it on,SO GO. You'll see. Get yourself out of the house. Besides, youll see that there are alot of good looking women there and on top of feeling better that will help you realize that SHE was not the only one. Its been almost two years since the girl I was going to marry had a change of heart and walked out on me. I still hurt but it is typically brief. Her leaving me gave me the opportunity to improve myself not only physically but mentally. I have also made some great friends and (the best part) I have had a chance to date a couple of great girls. So, yes there is "better" out there for you but the longer you sit the longer it will take to find it.
Author sad&lonely Posted October 31, 2008 Author Posted October 31, 2008 Thanks for all the advice unfortuneatly my heart usually makes my decisions and i couldent take it.. so i went to see her and talked cried both of us.. i made plans just to go away for the weekend just as friends she agreed but i guess im still trying to hold on to something thats not there anymore. she wants to be close friends, i know once im back from this weekend i will be hurt even more but i will probably still go to ease my heart a bit im stupid iam weak in my head i know what i need to do stay away heal move on somehow, but my heart wont allow this amazing how the mind/body works. i know everyone here would say i made a very bad decision but any input is greatly apreciated
dxb Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 i made plans just to go away for the weekend just as friends she agreed but i guess im still trying to hold on to something thats not there anymore. she wants to be close friends, i know once im back from this weekend i will be hurt even more but i will probably still go to ease my heart a bit im stupid iam weak Well...at least you know what you're setting yourself up for. But I really would try and cancel this if I were you. You haven't been through the reasons why she broke up with you so I can't comment on that, but unless the underlying causes have now gone, even if she is looking to take you back, it won't last. At the worst, she's now using you as her emotional crutch but with none of the return that you should expect from that. All that is going to happen is you're going to go on this weekend with the (false) expectation that it's all going to get better and back to normal, and you're going to be even more crushed when you get back. Please, don't do it! You were also together for a long time. General rule I find is that it takes at least 50% of the time you spent in a relationship to get over it - possibly slightly less if it was your idea to finish it, which in this case it wasn't. So you're looking at a good 8 months or so before you're ready again. This one was also your first love - everyone will tell you that the first love is the deepest cut, and if you're anything like many people, pretty much every woman you ever date again will have some quality that will remind you of the first. You're following your heart, rather than your head, and there's nothing wrong with that. But if you don't use them both together, both your head and heart are going to hurt. Oh, and don't use intoxicants to get over things, especially if you use them usually to have fun. There's nothing fun about realising every time you smoke or drink, you're reminded of losing your first love. Do something dull, challenging and distracting - something you know you won't ever do again. That way you get the distraction and none of the baggage. Take care.
markyboy1983 Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I where u are right now. Technically, she ended it with me exactly 2 weeks ago to this day Oct 31st. We still kept seeing eachother, and after every encounter, I would go home and the pain would be worse. She was like a drug and I just needed one fix for the day and I'd be fine, but like drinking (which i was doing) the time u spend with her will feel great, but after the initial high wears down u will feel worse. It has taken me 2 weeks to realize this. I saw her last night and as I was going home, I realized that we were both just hurting ourselves by not letting go. I'm gonna try the NC thing now, as much as it kills me. I also thought I was a tough guy, yet over the past 2 weeks there hasn't been a day when I haven't cried or wanted to. I have the I used to love going to the gym, but like you I can't get myself to go there. I am stealing a line from a movie, but it helps me "It ends when you want it to." It's hard to end it and deal with the emotions, but (to be cliche) it will only make you stronger.
You'reasian Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 My gf and i recently broke up.. been together for year and half and we saw each other every single day!.. i cant begin to tell you how lonely i feel now without her in my arms. This was my frist real love and boy does it hurt for the first time in my life i feel like i have no reason to live. I know sounds stupid but my emotions are all over the place.. i break down crying so many times and im a guy! i have tried to keep her a little while longer with me calling her asking her to meet stuff like that but in the end im hurting myself more im stupid im in love still Since this is my first love how long before im ok again?? all i seem to do is sit in my room and cry and i have never felt this lonely in my life before i dont think i want to feel this ever again. I have been thinking of going to dr for antidepressents or something to pick me up a bit.. i want to go to the gym but i just have no feeling to do anything. Love is blind i was with this girl where i know i had no real future just passing time and being with someone but that turned into a year in a half of love in the back of my head i always knew it would end sooner or later and i thought i would be ready boy was i fooling myself i guess when your high and havign fun its all good now its time i pay the price. i hope i will get through this but right now i dont think i can love again for awhile and i miss that so much being lonely like this is awful i hope no one ever has to feel like this.. anyways just venting i know there is a better girl out there for me but i have this feeling in my heart that says i will never find it.. i dont want to smoke marjiuana either because it will make me feel worse in the end.. thanks for listening hope all the best for everyone. i will pray to god for strength as i need it most now Yeah, time to let go man. And to stop smoking marijuana.
frd150 Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Well, the heart does what it wants if not kept in check. It can sometimes be like an un ruley child. Man, I would really think about this get away. There are too many emotions right now. It will be like you are walking on egg shells always wondering if what you are doing or saying is the right thing and no matter how you mask it she will sense it and this can push her further away. You can only fake strong until something triggers an emotion that causes that un ruley heart to take over. Trust me.
alwayssme Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 My gf and i recently broke up.. been together for year and half and we saw each other every single day!.. i cant begin to tell you how lonely i feel now without her in my arms. This was my frist real love and boy does it hurt for the first time in my life i feel like i have no reason to live. I know sounds stupid but my emotions are all over the place.. i break down crying so many times and im a guy! i have tried to keep her a little while longer with me calling her asking her to meet stuff like that but in the end im hurting myself more im stupid im in love still Since this is my first love how long before im ok again?? all i seem to do is sit in my room and cry and i have never felt this lonely in my life before i dont think i want to feel this ever again. I have been thinking of going to dr for antidepressents or something to pick me up a bit.. i want to go to the gym but i just have no feeling to do anything. Love is blind i was with this girl where i know i had no real future just passing time and being with someone but that turned into a year in a half of love in the back of my head i always knew it would end sooner or later and i thought i would be ready boy was i fooling myself i guess when your high and havign fun its all good now its time i pay the price. i hope i will get through this but right now i dont think i can love again for awhile and i miss that so much being lonely like this is awful i hope no one ever has to feel like this.. anyways just venting i know there is a better girl out there for me but i have this feeling in my heart that says i will never find it.. i dont want to smoke marjiuana either because it will make me feel worse in the end.. thanks for listening hope all the best for everyone. i will pray to god for strength as i need it most now I know how you feel. At first I still couldn't believe it so I acted as though it didn't bother me. When a couple weeks hit, I went insane up till recently. Denial is the worst stage to be in. Just like you I kept talking to my ex and trying to keep him in my life. Finally I relaized it's time to let him go. You have to let some anger in and realize that no matter HOW GOOD they were to you in the relationship, the fact that they left you, no matter what the reason is...THEY HURT YOU!! Once you accept reality, you start getting used to "living with the pain and with the fact that they're gone" At times you'll feel ok, at times you'll feel miserable but it's all a part of the healing I think. I know what you mean about being lonely but trust me UNLESS you meet someone you really like, do not be with someone just because you're lonely. that will only make you more miserable and make you miss your ex more. There is no quick remedy. We have to go through this stage but someday it will get better!
MizzBlue72 Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 Hugs to you. You ARE NOT Stupid -- you fell in love, and this has been part of you. You ARE NOT Weak -- you are really trying and not sure what to do. Something that has been helping a very little in my situation: 1. Acknowledge that you hurt - and give yourself permission to hurt/cry 2. Accept that you hurt -- deep down. 3. Don't put a time limit on this -- give yourself as much time to work these feelings out as you need. 4. Allow yourself to grieve -- this is an end of something that was primary and vital to you. It didn't start overnight, and the feelings won't end over night. 5. FEEL YOUR FEELINGS NOW - and don't stuff them down / try to hide them, etc. Be true to yourself. By not identifying with these feelings, you won't be able to move on. Good luck -- NC with ex hurts, really, REALLY bad, but this may be what you need, at least in the interim, te be able to move past this. Good luck.
Limin Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 I say go with the gym membership, and you don't need to go there every day. That is what I did to get over my past. Do whatever you need to do make yourself happy that is the most important factor right now.
Bright Shadow Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 My gf and i recently broke up.. been together for year and half and we saw each other every single day! For future reference... From a guy's perspective, the idea is that you make yourself a great life, then find a girl to share it with. At the moment you have the cart before the horse. You'll be a much more attractive man to any woman if you have a purpose in life and stick to it. And I don't mean the purpose should be being with her.
Author sad&lonely Posted November 27, 2008 Author Posted November 27, 2008 Hello everyone iam having a very bad start of the day, i woke up i looked across my bed and it was empty it hit me like a rock and i cant stop crying didnt know where else to turn to i hope someone is out there. i forced myself to go on dates and now im no better off, i been keeping my ex as a friend i know its mistake but somehow i still want her in my life i hope someone is out there thanks for listening
EmperorR Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 You have to go cold nc right now, do friends hurt other friends no they don't. I know you want her in your life but not as a friend so cut it. Yes it's hard but think about you, do you want to live like that? When she starts dating telling you every detail, stop being a doormat. I'm speaking from experience I did the friends crap for like three weeks and it was the worst ever. I found out that she liked a new guy Nd they started to date and I felt like crap. Go nc it's the only remedy. Stand up and get your dignity back.
mm4184 Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 I did the same exact thing in July. We had a trip planned a week after he TRIED to break up with me and I begged like an idiot and finally got him to "give it another chance". He said he just wasn't into it anymore, wasn't happy, needed to focus on his goals and didn't want the obligations of a gf because it wasn't fair to me also.. He tried while we were on vacation and a few weeks after that.. but I felt the detachment and I felt him pulling away... This is the worst. If you know it's over, just stop hanging on. I still have yet to LET GO. After we broke up, I tried NC and he came to me.. started sleeping together but we knew it couldn't be anymore than that. Then he decided we can't do it if we plan on being friends because it would just mess things up.. THEN he found out I was snooping through his email etc.. Now he's pissed at me and won't talk to me. I just want to apologize because I lied and swore it wasn't me because I got caught off guard and first instinct was to lie. He told me he didn't want to have anything to do with me unless I admitted it.. I tried the next day to text him so I can talk but he hasn't contacted me I want to wish him a happy thanksgiving but I'm so scared. Do you think he will really compromise 3 years over this mistake I made after I've forgiven him for SO MUCH? I guess this is a big thing to him and it is I know but I just want us not to be on bad terms..
Recommended Posts