tkgirl Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I'm curious... how long does it usually take you guys here to figure out whether or not you have "chemistry" with someone? I was seeing this guy.. again! (long story) for about 4 months and now things just ended.. again! He gave many reasons why he couldn't/wouldn't be in a relationship with me... that he thinks I'm great but he's got too many things going on right now, bad timing etc... but what really annoyed me was when he said he didn't feel "that chemistry" with me.... that he's "big on chemistry and it's either there or it just isn't". It took him 4 months to figure that out? So lame! Especially when I know we really DID have chemistry! Like for example, the first time we went out when we got back together (after spending 6 months apart) we ended our "date" by making out (lol) in the back of my car for over an hour, both of us saying how bad we wanted each other etc. No, we definitely had chemistry... it's just he chose to make other things in his life more important than me and I finally got tired of it. So yeah, after a while the chemistry definitely fizzled... but for him to say we didn't have chemistry... ever?!!! It's funny because it doesn't matter anyways, it's over.. but it still makes me really mad, like why was he wasting my time? phew.. didn't mean to vent so much! So anyways.... if anyone would like to share their take on the chemistry thing I'd mucho appreciate it!
Green Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 My take on chemestry especialy the way he used it is that its subjective. Who knows what he really meant, maybe he met another girl he likes better. Maybe there was some aspect about you like your boobs he didn't like. Very vague... but I think being vague is the best way to break up especialy if its because of one of the many things chemestry could mean. Did you guys have sex?
Ocean-Blue Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 It depends, I think, on the individual. It takes some people time to develop chemistry. They need to get to know the other person...so it's a sort of chemistry that grows. There are others who go with what they feel right away. If they're attracted to the person, then there is some initial chemistry going on...enough, for some, to sustain a relationship. It could be that he's just giving you an excuse. Or, maybe it did fizzle out, for him. Does he seem like the impulsive type? Does he need instant gratification? Is he patient?
Trialbyfire Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 For some people, chemistry is strictly the physical attraction. For others, chemistry is when you can relate on all levels, emotionally, intellectually and physically. Now that's killer chemistry when it's all going at the same time. Maybe your ex is like me, in that while there was physical attraction at first, the relationship lacked that deeper connection. This doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with either one of you, more a case of incompatibility for any kind of reason, of which it might seem insignificant to you, but not for him.
Author tkgirl Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 My take on chemestry especialy the way he used it is that its subjective. Who knows what he really meant, maybe he met another girl he likes better. Maybe there was some aspect about you like your boobs he didn't like. Very vague... but I think being vague is the best way to break up especialy if its because of one of the many things chemestry could mean. Did you guys have sex? yea, I agree.. chemistry can be very subjective. I guess I took it as sexual chemistry... which we did have, at one point anyways. BTW we did have sex a couple times. Definitely not the best ever... in fact he would usually apologize afterwards, which kind of turned me off. Let's just say he was a little "too quick on the draw" but I liked him so much it didn't matter at the time... Anyways, the "break-up" was really pretty mutual. I felt he was becoming distant... which he would do off and on... and I was tired of it. I finally told him that we might be better off as friends, that I think we were just in different places in our lives or something. He then felt he had to give me some sort of explanantion and was pretty vague. Then he finally just said "I'm sorry, I guess I don't really have an explanation." I just don't get why he had to bring up the chemistry thing? thanks for all the responses so far!
Rooster_DAR Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 It also could be that he initially needed some companionship and you happened to be there are the right time, and he construed that as chemistry. I just broke up with my G/F for nearly the same reasons, I care for her very much but not on a romantic level. I still miss her very much, but we did not have all the components to warrant a healthy relationship. Cheers!
peace_pipe Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I'm curious... how long does it usually take you guys here to figure out whether or not you have "chemistry" with someone? This one's easy: 10 minutes.
You'reasian Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I would say that chemistry can happen in a really short time (like interacting physically or socially for 30 minutes) or over a period of weeks, maybe even months. I once met this beautiful woman, on a dance floor and we were hella compatible and had all kinds of intense chemistry. Somehow our personalities clicked, there was a strong mutual attraction and we ended up dating. Yet on a more recent occassion, I am getting to know a woman over a period of dates, outings etc. and its increasing a little more each time - nothing has gotten physical yet, but I look into her eyes and know there's something.
Isolde Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 To me, chemistry is that "reason you want to date someone," and its both physical and emotional. I hate it when people use chemistry as a synonym for sexual attraction. FWB are attracted (usually) but there isnt supposed to be chemistry between them.
Recommended Posts