Blue Speckled River Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 Hi all, About a week ago, I posted this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t167535/ Well, the deal is, I have slowly come to the realization that while I love my bf very much, I am not attracted to him sexually. And that does not look like it is going to change. For a while, my mother was even worried that maybe I just have hormone issues. But I have ironically figured out recently that that is not true. Why? Because as I have been trying to figure out what's up with my current relationship, I suddenly fell for this guy that I have been a friend/acquaintance with for about 2 years. I'm not sure why/how, but I did. I always thought he was "cute" but for the first time, I'm experiencing real sexual attraction to someone. I feel so completely stupid, enlightened, ashamed, and awestruck now... I guess I'm sort of a late bloomer. Anyway, that relationship in particular may never go anywhere and is another story all together. This all basically comes down to the fact that I now realize I am not sexually attracted to my bf. We are kinda on a break right now (so I can figure out what my problem is/was), but this weekend I am going to need to break it off completely, I think. And while he doesn't need to know about this other guy, I do owe him some sort of explanation. Right? Does anyone have any advice for me? Do you think I'm doing the right thing and if so, what on earth do I tell him?
ioncebelieved Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 That is the worst. I understand the NO sexual attraction! I highly doubt it would get better. There has to be attraction or the relationship would never last. Now, the break up. Be an adult about it. Do it in a calm, tactful way. I would not say, "You just do not do it for me sexually." Probably say something along the lines that you do not see him in the way he does you. If someone was not attracted to me, I would not try and beat that into their head. Attraction is not a choice, (D. Deangelo words) not mine.
Author Blue Speckled River Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 Oh crud. I thought that this was all working out, but I just found out this morning that some of his plans changed so he won't be at the event this weekend. So I ask myself, now what do I do? I guess I am going to have to tell him on the phone. I didn't want to do it that way, cause you know they always say it is better to break up in person... But I guess I don't really have a choice now. I won't be able to talk to him on the phone again until Sat. or Sunday, so I have until then to figure out what I am going to say... That is the worst. I understand the NO sexual attraction! I highly doubt it would get better. There has to be attraction or the relationship would never last. Now, the break up. Be an adult about it. Do it in a calm, tactful way. I would not say, "You just do not do it for me sexually." Probably say something along the lines that you do not see him in the way he does you. If someone was not attracted to me, I would not try and beat that into their head. Attraction is not a choice, (D. Deangelo words) not mine. Thanks for your reply, ioncebelieved. And I agree about what I need to say. I really do want to do it in a gentler way, along those lines. One of my problems though is that he is very much the problem solver. He's going to try and beat every ounce of life out of the conversation, I know; hoping to be able to fix whatever he perceives as the pinpointed problem (which he will try and pinpoint during this time). ::sigh:: I know breakups are never easy, but this is definitely not going to be on the easy side at all. Thanks again for your help!
Dexter Morgan Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 Hi all, About a week ago, I posted this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t167535/ Well, the deal is, I have slowly come to the realization that while I love my bf very much, I am not attracted to him sexually. Then break up with him. the sooner the better. You said in the other thread that "He is really the sweetest guy ever. A very rare find in today's world." So let him go so someone who appreciates him can have him. Because as I have been trying to figure out what's up with my current relationship, I suddenly fell for this guy that I have been a friend/acquaintance with for about 2 years. I'm not sure why/how, but I did. I always thought he was "cute" but for the first time, I'm experiencing real sexual attraction to someone. I feel so completely stupid, enlightened, ashamed, and awestruck now... I guess I'm sort of a late bloomer. No, you just favor looks over substance. "Cute" is what matters to you. Good guys finish last. So break up with your bf and set him free from that. Does anyone have any advice for me? Do you think I'm doing the right thing and if so, what on earth do I tell him? The right thing is to break up with him. he needs someone that is attracted to him and that appreciates a good guy. You just come right out and tell him you aren't attracted to him. Or you could give the old bull###t line about, "you're a nice guy and all, but I just don't want to be in a relationship right now". Or the classic, "its not you, its me, I don't know who I am right now" So either tell him the truth, or lie to him. Either way, problem solved for him whether he knows it or not.
Gypsy_Heart Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Tell him the truth. Really. It may seem tougher for him, but it's better if he knows what has gone wrong. Believe me, I've been in your bf shoes before. That "it's not you, it's me" BS is so old he'll know you're just lying and will make you look like a bitch. Nobody believes that anymore.
Author Blue Speckled River Posted October 31, 2008 Author Posted October 31, 2008 Tell him the truth. Really. It may seem tougher for him, but it's better if he knows what has gone wrong. Believe me, I've been in your bf shoes before. That "it's not you, it's me" BS is so old he'll know you're just lying and will make you look like a bitch. Nobody believes that anymore. Well, I was going to say that, but, thanks, I do get your point. I think I'm pretty much just going to lay it out for him.
Peter_pan Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 so basically your breaking up with him because your not attracted anymore, and you want to try other things and pursue this new guy. i guess that happens. good luck
Yamaha Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I don't know what's wrong, but I can't bring myself to even hold his hand. I don't really like hugging for more than a few seconds (he'd hug me all day if I let him) and and we've never kissed. I fail to understand how you can care for this guy so much but the thought of hugging him or holding is hand is so distasteful. Even bro's and BF's hug. I do agree that you need to break up with him. It isn't fair to him that you feel no desire for him. I wouldn't tell him about another guy but don't expect him to want to be your friend anytime soon. He will be hurting for some time so let him heal before you suggest a friendship.
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