Sysyphus28 Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 SO I called after 7 weeks NC...............it was killing me everyday, and it was consuming my thoughts(posting on LS NC count) Guess what!?............ If you guessed, Absolutely Terrible, YOU ARE CORRECT. She was distant, cruel, indifferent, mean-spirited, vengeful, hateful, resentful, rude............ **She took no responsibility and gave no apology ** She blamed the reason she left me on me and justified all her lieing and cheating this way ** She told me she went to counseling for "bad" relationships and victimized herself to all her friends to make herself feel better about what she did Here is the positive part!!! Talking to her after not talking to her after a while made me realize how immature and childish she really is. She is 21 and I am almost 29..............I need to get REAL....I needed to hear her immature words of blame and her distant tone!! I needed to hear how nasty she had become and how young-minded she truly is!! THIS IS LETTING GO! THIS IS CLOSURE....................... SHe doesn't love me anymore, and I'm free to love someone who cares about me!! If you need REAL closure for yourself.........and you need to prove it to yourself that they are not worth it.......just break NC. The truth hits you like a two-ton truck
EmperorR Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 One reason why I won't break nc. My ex cheated on me as wellsnd had the nerve to blame me why she cheated on me and showed no remorse as well she was twenty, immature as hell. Sometimes I feel like breaking ms just to get everything off my chest but I'll never give her the chance to. Talk to me again.
HighPlainsDrifter Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Sorry to hear about that Sys. I could tell that it has been eating you up for a while and that you have been tempted as hell to break NC. I have been as well lately, but don't want to give her the satisfaction, and I don't want to be set further back in my recovery. I hope you are'nt set further back because of it either. The desire to talk to someone who you thought was your closest friend is really strong, but they just aren't even a friend anymore. Tough to comprehend.
Rafa Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 I really would love to break NC and talk to my ex, I'm having another awful day (aren't they all). But yeah - absolutely terrible - that's pretty much how it went when I broke NC last time. We just have to soldier on...
ioncebelieved Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 I have done this a few times over the last several months and I know exactly how you feel. It feels like something you just got to do and when you finally talk to them, well it's less than pleasant. I feel for you!!!! The person on the other end of the line is not the same person they used to be. Like almost talking to a damn stranger. Their feelings seem to have gone into thin air. The thing is...you are the same hurt person that was on your way to healing and guess what? You have to start back over.
Author Sysyphus28 Posted October 29, 2008 Author Posted October 29, 2008 Look........I was doing Nc for a while......it was good to wait. It was good to.........push on. But it wasn't making me happy. It had been two months and I still felt like a douchebag........ I gave it some time, I thought she might be nicer or..........who the hell knows.....have some remorse , or was missing me, or whatever I thought. It turns out, she has been done with me for a while........and continues on in her little girl world. I'm just mad I wasted so much time thinking about the PAST. and didn't see sooner what a selfish Bit** she really was. If she was nice I would have been back at square one.........With some "maybe if's" She wasn't. I get to be free from her spell. Freedom happened for me in a phone call........ Her negativity was like the ultimate repellant. It was like a vicodin for my splitting headache. I thank her for being such a bratty 21 year old. She is not worth it. Been thier, done that.
kizik Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Hey man, I'm glad you got some closure, even if it was in a painful way. This may sound weird, but: Congratulations.
selena_cat Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 okay so you did it, broke NC and found out you dated the last Witch of Eastwick maybe you did need to hear and find out for yourself that she has not change sorry,.. but 21 years old? not to say these young girls are not mature I m sure they are many out there who do want serious relationships,but in a way, What did you expect? what you can do is put this relationship to rest,make a mock funeral and put her name or pics,write a letter to her and burn it. Forget the person you thought you knew and see her for who she is. But whatever you do ,secially when you get yourself out there and meet people dont become a player and treat the new girl like dirt funny,i hear that alot from my gf's that guys do that,take their anger or revenge out on the next pour soul. best to take a breather and be stronger so you wont attract someone like that again,and take it real slow. i myself learnt that lesson and is doing that now w/ some 1 so that so i wont be suprised later like I was 7 months ago by the jerk. So Just be happy that you saw her true lasting colors,youre finally set free my friend!
HighPlainsDrifter Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 So pardon me for being nosey, but if you care to share, what was the context of your conversation with her? Were you telling her you missed her and wondered if she wanted to try and make ammends, or was it just a "hey, how are things" type of conversation? Were you strong and calm or kind of weak and repentful (no offense) with your tone? Do you feel you gave her an ego boost? I know you say it helped you with your closure, so good for you if that's what it took. Best wishes man, HPD
sumdude Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 One reason why I won't break nc. My ex cheated on me as wellsnd had the nerve to blame me why she cheated on me and showed no remorse as well she was twenty, immature as hell. Trust me, age doesn't have that much to do with people's emotional ways...my ex was 37.. and I'm sure more than a few dumpees in the senior homes have heard the same old story we have. These are the same folks who as kids would say "But mommmm... he MADE me do it!"
JooLee Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 im proud of you sysyphus, i know how hard it was for you these past few days and im reli proud of the way you're handling it now. like i said before, sometimes we need to do it for ourselves. i felt the same way about my ex when i broke nc and he came to my hangout spot to show off his new gf and rub it in my face. the person he was is totally gone. and guess what, yesterday i saw them again in a diff place and i couldnt give two ****s.. i am moving on and i too felt like i wasted this whole time dwelling on the past when the past is long gone. well at least we know now! although there wil be times where yr mind wanders off back but i think its because of missing companionship, but at least we know we deserve better!!! hurray for you and now take control that u don fall back into the mourning spell again. cheers!
ahhhchooo Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Honestly, realising your ex is a selfish immature child is going to give you a moment of revelation (been there), but it won't help you completely stop missing her. There's still bad days, lonely days and good days. The real problem is missing what you had, what you thought you had, what you thought could've been - not entirely just missing the person. I felt like I was over her for a while and the past 2 days I had an incredible wave of loneliness. Luckily for me I got invited to a couple of parties this weekend for halloween and I know a couple of cute single girls going. I have to eventually get that seemingly unattainable 2nd date from a girl I like sooner or later...
JooLee Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 achooo - funny, that was exactly what went thru my mind as i was on a loong ride home from uni. that im reli missing the companionship and what irritated me was i was even considering having someone for the moment just to fill the void. today especially i felt so badly that i missed having someone to come home to, eat with, those lil small things.. i guess its only human to feel all these things rite? but i think when you have actually experienced and lived through these sweet nothing moments, it is quite hard to push the loneliness away. BUT... im jus gonna wait on time and wait for the right guy that makes my heart skip.. whoever he may be..
Author Sysyphus28 Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 So pardon me for being nosey, but if you care to share, what was the context of your conversation with her? Were you telling her you missed her and wondered if she wanted to try and make ammends, or was it just a "hey, how are things" type of conversation? Were you strong and calm or kind of weak and repentful (no offense) with your tone? Do you feel you gave her an ego boost? I know you say it helped you with your closure, so good for you if that's what it took. Best wishes man, HPD I'm sure she got an ego boost.......She thinks she is on top of the WORLD!! It started out "hey how are things", ended up with her dodging any responsibility for the way she has been treating me and being a total jackass. She said she went to counseling for woman in terrible relationships! hahahahahahahhahahah lol. I gave everything to her and she is victimizing herself. That was when our conversation took a turn. That was when I was like huh?..................... You guys have been so insightful and I will trod on! I would love her to SEE what she has done..........but they never do! All of them never DO!!! Now what do I do?!
HighPlainsDrifter Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 And that would be how the conversation would go if I contacted my ex. She would portray herself as the consumate victim and justify all of her actions. She has such a warped sense of fairness that she would turn everything back on me and I would try to get her to be reasonable and take her share of the blame. She was never one to try and diffuse a situation. She always had to take it to the next level. And yep, she'd get a total ego boost from it and I'd end up apologizing for things that I shouldn't have to just to try and get her to calm down. What to do now? I think everyone knows what they have to do. Let go and move on. I just haven't quite figured out how yet. Where are the Karma Police when you need them?
Author Sysyphus28 Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 Karma police.........sweet. I'm having an ex funeral tonight.......all of her bull**** letters are going up in flames..
northstar1 Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 im just plain tired of spending so much mental energy on trying to get over it all and move on.
HighPlainsDrifter Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I'm also tired of all the wasted energy it takes to move on. Caliguy recommended this book called "No More Mr Nice Guy" and I ordered it. Hopefully it'll help me gain some power back. I'm near 3 months NC and like Sys, I've been tempted to reach out, but I will not give her the satisfaction, or the safety net. It'll only make me weaker, and her stronger. Break ups suck, even when necessary...
northstar1 Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I'm also tired of all the wasted energy it takes to move on. Caliguy recommended this book called "No More Mr Nice Guy" and I ordered it. Hopefully it'll help me gain some power back. I'm near 3 months NC and like Sys, I've been tempted to reach out, but I will not give her the satisfaction, or the safety net. It'll only make me weaker, and her stronger. Break ups suck, even when necessary... I've read most of that book, and some is very helpful. Unfortunately little applies to my specific situation. I just need to fill that mental space with someone new, to form new memories and so I stop visiting old ones all day
nopainnogain Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 SO I called after 7 weeks NC...............it was killing me everyday, and it was consuming my thoughts(posting on LS NC count) Guess what!?............ If you guessed, Absolutely Terrible, YOU ARE CORRECT. She was distant, cruel, indifferent, mean-spirited, vengeful, hateful, resentful, rude............ **She took no responsibility and gave no apology ** She blamed the reason she left me on me and justified all her lieing and cheating this way ** She told me she went to counseling for "bad" relationships and victimized herself to all her friends to make herself feel better about what she did Here is the positive part!!! Talking to her after not talking to her after a while made me realize how immature and childish she really is. She is 21 and I am almost 29..............I need to get REAL....I needed to hear her immature words of blame and her distant tone!! I needed to hear how nasty she had become and how young-minded she truly is!! THIS IS LETTING GO! THIS IS CLOSURE....................... SHe doesn't love me anymore, and I'm free to love someone who cares about me!! If you need REAL closure for yourself.........and you need to prove it to yourself that they are not worth it.......just break NC. The truth hits you like a two-ton truck Holy smokes. I could have wrote this. Me 27 she 25 . She cheated lied and led a double life while leading me on after devoting 7 years of my life towards her. After the split we went NC. I texted 6 months later with a cordial how are you. She responded 3 days later "doing good' take care and goodnight with a explanation point. I have realized like you...she needs a lot of growing up to do. Weather she realizes her part in the demise of the R doesnt matter to me anymore. She can only help herself.
ioncebelieved Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 Holy smokes. I could have wrote this. Me 27 she 25 . She cheated lied and led a double life while leading me on after devoting 7 years of my life towards her. After the split we went NC. I texted 6 months later with a cordial how are you. She responded 3 days later "doing good' take care and goodnight with a explanation point. I have realized like you...she needs a lot of growing up to do. Weather she realizes her part in the demise of the R doesnt matter to me anymore. She can only help herself. The old double life agent!!! I too, was dating a member of that agency!!!
dannydrifter Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 She was distant, cruel, indifferent, mean-spirited, vengeful, hateful, resentful, rude............ **She took no responsibility and gave no apology ** She blamed the reason she left me on me and justified all her lieing and cheating this way Were you talking to my STBXW? Because that sounds like her spot on!! Don't worry... you will probably be ok for a couple months then you might wind up calling her again and getting b*tch slapped one more time. Happened to me. Eventually, and believe me, you will forget about her.
ioncebelieved Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I'm also tired of all the wasted energy it takes to move on. Caliguy recommended this book called "No More Mr Nice Guy" and I ordered it. Hopefully it'll help me gain some power back. I'm near 3 months NC and like Sys, I've been tempted to reach out, but I will not give her the satisfaction, or the safety net. It'll only make me weaker, and her stronger. Break ups suck, even when necessary... That book is an eye opener for sure. It makes you want to change yourself. At first, it feels you are being selfish and as time goes on you see that it is all about you. The book was a decent read too. I am a firm believer in putting myself first from now on and will treat people accordingly. Now the book does not promote being a"Richard Skull" it promotes taking care of number in the right way.
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