stampdaddy Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 I have been thinking, and I have been having dreams, and I have been reading these posts and I have been imagining..... WTF?! is a common question I keep having.. HOW IN THIS WORLD could a married mother of 4 do this to me?? I started to think about a friend of mine and his wife, who I know well too... and their beautiful little daughters who adore me like an uncle.. I started to imagine HIM having an affair on her, and what a disappointment that would be, all the way around. I also started to imagine (as far as I could without it being weird) the passion expressed between 2 new people falling in love.. The looks, the touches, the day dreaming, the first "I love you's", you get it... And then I imagined this friend of mine coming home after work and yelling, "Hi Honey, I am home... and the little girls running and jumping into Daddy's arms and kissing him where OW had kissed him just minutes before... I just don't get it, how this person I fell in love with could be THAT person. I don't get why I didn't see the same story I just wrote out.. I don't really need an explaination, I just needed to rant.. Of course, this DOES help me when/if MW comes back around, because I CLEARLY see a difference today in what I "used" to see... Thanks for listening
Owl Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 and the healing begins ... Exactly. Because you KNOW that this is EXACTLY who your MW was. She did EXACTLY what you just described. She walked into her home straight from your arms, and gave her husband a kiss and said "I love you...how was your day?". And did it all without batting an eyelash. There were likely nights when she left straight from your bed, got home, showered, and ended up making love to her husband that night as well. THAT IS EXACTLY WHO SHE IS. And now that your eyes are open...you're seeing it. And the fact that you're repulsed by it instead of condoning it is a clear indication that you ARE starting to heal.
whichwayisup Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 HOW IN THIS WORLD could a married mother of 4 do this to me?? Because it wasn't about you, it was all about her. HER needs, HER wants, HER desires, HER feelings.
Author stampdaddy Posted October 29, 2008 Author Posted October 29, 2008 Exactly. Because you KNOW that this is EXACTLY who your MW was. She did EXACTLY what you just described. She walked into her home straight from your arms, and gave her husband a kiss and said "I love you...how was your day?". And did it all without batting an eyelash. There were likely nights when she left straight from your bed, got home, showered, and ended up making love to her husband that night as well. THAT IS EXACTLY WHO SHE IS. And now that your eyes are open...you're seeing it. And the fact that you're repulsed by it instead of condoning it is a clear indication that you ARE starting to heal. Well, the above didnt happen, in a strange way, that makes me look at her even worse.. She took that away from him (which of course was good for me at the time because I could NEVER, EVER have lived with that).. She lied to him about her "health" down there and he "understood"... ***before anyonce who doesnt know the story and cries BS, H told me that they didnt sleep together for almost 4 years now...***
pkn06002 Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 It is call compartmentalization, you start to live two different lives each separated in your mind. It allows you to cope with what you are doing.
agate Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I'm still having a hard time with something. I agree that being deceitful is wrong, and my mm is being deceitful with his w. What i don't understand is why the original post doesn't strike me the same way it does other people. i'm glad he is able to go home to be with his kids every evening. i don't really like the fact that he goes home to w as well, but thats part of whats necessary right now. i don't want him to leave them. My question is, why doesn't this bother me like it does others?
Author stampdaddy Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 I'm still having a hard time with something. I agree that being deceitful is wrong, and my mm is being deceitful with his w. What i don't understand is why the original post doesn't strike me the same way it does other people. i'm glad he is able to go home to be with his kids every evening. i don't really like the fact that he goes home to w as well, but thats part of whats necessary right now. i don't want him to leave them. My question is, why doesn't this bother me like it does others? I WANTED a life with her.. She PROMISED a life with me.. She introduced her children as did I. (in a sense, and physically with some).. there was no room for 2 lives, from either of us.. She didnt want me to be seeing other ladies, as I was FREE to do, as I want married... She PROMISED me she was departing from her marriage... NOW, do you get it???
Ronni_W Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I just don't get it, how this person I fell in love with could be THAT person. She COULDN'T be "that person" all by herself...she needed YOU to 'aid and abet' her to be THAT person; she needed you to fall in love with her before she could act as she acted. What was it that allowed you to be "that person", for her?
Dark-N-Romantic Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 The questions you should be asking yourself are these... Why am I even carry on a relationship with a married person, especially if it is one that involves lying to family and friends? Why am I hurting someone else for my own selfish pleasures? Why am I doing something to someone else that I would not want another man to do to me and my children? Why am I pointing the finger at the wife's conduct while three more fingers are pointing back on me for MY own conduct? DNR The first step in this type of healing is accepting one's own faults and failings.
Author stampdaddy Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 The questions you should be asking yourself are these... Why am I even carry on a relationship with a married person, especially if it is one that involves lying to family and friends? Why am I hurting someone else for my own selfish pleasures? Why am I doing something to someone else that I would not want another man to do to me and my children? Why am I pointing the finger at the wife's conduct while three more fingers are pointing back on me for MY own conduct? DNR The first step in this type of healing is accepting one's own faults and failings. You know what? I respect where YOU are coming from and we have had this conversation before.... BUT, don't come onto my threads with your "high and mighty".. I GET IT.. I admit that I DID NOT "see the light", even in this thread... I admit, that I find it hard to believe that I did NOT and others fail to do so as well.. OBVIOUSLY there is a trend, that maybe, just maybe, someone like ME other that YOU can help "see the light" with MY WAY other than YOUR WAY
Dark-N-Romantic Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I am neither "high" nor "mighty" and if one is having an willingly having an affair it is NOT a failing in "seeing the light". A failing to "see the light" would be having sex with a married person do to their covering up their marital status, like my one case of fornication. But, once one finds out or already knows that person is married, then THEY are the ones responsible for their actions from there one out and have no right to question that married person. That married cheater has already proven what kind of scumbag they are. DNR
Author stampdaddy Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 I am neither "high" nor "mighty" and if one is having an willingly having an affair it is NOT a failing in "seeing the light". A failing to "see the light" would be having sex with a married person do to their covering up their marital status, like my one case of fornication. But, once one finds out or already knows that person is married, then THEY are the ones responsible for their actions from there one out and have no right to question that married person. That married cheater has already proven what kind of scumbag they are. DNR I realize ALL of that now, HENCE MY POST!! I have NO questions about it being "right or wrong" at this point, but me, like YOU , my good man, found myself in a situation that I did not see coming, had NEVER wanted, and would NEVER want nor wish upon my worst enemy (which of course YOU are not). I just dont like the way you come across to folks like ME that are trying to "get it".. You are human too DNR or whoever you are
Dark-N-Romantic Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I realize ALL of that now, HENCE MY POST!! I have NO questions about it being "right or wrong" at this point, but me, like YOU , my good man, found myself in a situation that I did not see coming, had NEVER wanted, and would NEVER want nor wish upon my worst enemy (which of course YOU are not). I just dont like the way you come across to folks like ME that are trying to "get it".. You are human too DNR or whoever you are I am Michael. And why most people like me view the wrongness for what it is and why we address it is because I am a product of it. My father and his many girlfriends who did not care about me and my mother and brother. My stepfather who could of given my mother HIV/AIDS with his antics. The number of men and women and children harmed because of such selfish actions. Yes, there are a lot of places we find ourselves from our own actions, and I have never been one to place the blame on anyone else's actions but my own when I had the choice. I have found myself in the brig and with a lost of rank due to my not showing respect to the dangers of working with computers. It costed me my military career. I don't blame anyone else or wonder why other people would have child porn so easily accessible. No, the danger is out there, it was up to me to protect myself and I failed at that. To me it is always about being upfront about responsibility. I have always been like that about myself and I look for it in others. And I never make comments on things that I have not hand some kind of experience with. So, I hope you take my words not as condemnation, but enlightenment. Because, the healing is going to come from you doing what is right for yourself first by thinking about that husband and those little ones who are innocent in all this. I wish you well, luck, and true love. DNR
Author stampdaddy Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 I am Michael. And why most people like me view the wrongness for what it is and why we address it is because I am a product of it. My father and his many girlfriends who did not care about me and my mother and brother. My stepfather who could of given my mother HIV/AIDS with his antics. The number of men and women and children harmed because of such selfish actions. Yes, there are a lot of places we find ourselves from our own actions, and I have never been one to place the blame on anyone else's actions but my own when I had the choice. I have found myself in the brig and with a lost of rank due to my not showing respect to the dangers of working with computers. It costed me my military career. I don't blame anyone else or wonder why other people would have child porn so easily accessible. No, the danger is out there, it was up to me to protect myself and I failed at that. To me it is always about being upfront about responsibility. I have always been like that about myself and I look for it in others. And I never make comments on things that I have not hand some kind of experience with. So, I hope you take my words not as condemnation, but enlightenment. Because, the healing is going to come from you doing what is right for yourself first by thinking about that husband and those little ones who are innocent in all this. I wish you well, luck, and true love. DNR I am John, and I am sorry for your tough roads... We ALL have them, and we are ALL no differnt than you, just different roads.. Please understand that and that it takes us ALL a period of time to realize what road we are on.. And I would gather that YOU, Michael, are still on that road yourself..... FRIEND....
Meaplus3 Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 Stampy, You simply just need more time to heal. Now, I can tell you that the longer you ask yourself the WTF and what if questions the longer it will take for you to get past this. If you remember my very long struggle to heal from my ea you will remember how many times I questioned things just the same way you are and it just about drove me crazy. So, Do feel good that you now see this MW for who she really is and be thankful you are not left to deal with her. You will get there. AP:)
Dark-N-Romantic Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 That is the truth, we are always on the road. But, one thing I have learned is this... Don't be afraid to take critism or being called on something, even if I get it. If I can't take the good with the bad, then how will I ever grow? I have more people against me than you ever will. Why? Because I stand up for what I believe in and don't shy away from the gunfire. If anything, those who jump on me make me stronger and it helps me to improve myself. Thanks for jumping on me and I do wish you well on your road. Be careful and safe journey. Friend DNR
norajane Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 WTF?! is a common question I keep having.. HOW IN THIS WORLD could a married mother of 4 do this to me?? Anger is good. It's a positive step forward. Your walls are breaking down, the walls that prevented you from seeing how she was treating you on a fundamental level. You'll eventually start asking yourself how in the world a married mother of 4 could do that to her children, her family. Then you'll really be seeing her for who she is, and who she has been the last four years.
Author stampdaddy Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 Anger is good. It's a positive step forward. Your walls are breaking down, the walls that prevented you from seeing how she was treating you on a fundamental level. You'll eventually start asking yourself how in the world a married mother of 4 could do that to her children, her family. Then you'll really be seeing her for who she is, and who she has been the last four years. yeppers.. have been fighting it, BUT am now ready to sit back with a bucket of popcorn and watch the horror movie.... (no delight in the reality mind you... I WILL Pray for them all...)
agate Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I do understand why you are upset and hurt, i would be as well. She said things she didn't mean or wasn't willing to follow through on. she hurt you terribly and was very very wrong to do so. the part i am confused on is the fact that my mm goes home to his family doesn't bother me, while the same situation tears other people apart, and rightly so. I know in theory it should. perhaps i am looking for an answer no one but myself can give me. you are just always so insightful i'm giving it a shot
Reggie Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 Well, you knew she was married and had 4 kids, right? So, what did she do to you that was not roughly the same as what you were doing to her husband and kids? You need to start looking within. You are not a victim. You knew all along about her status and kids, and went ahead with the affair.
jwi71 Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 WTF?! is a common question I keep having.. HOW IN THIS WORLD could a married mother of 4 do this to me?? How? You let her. You helped her. You encouraged her. That's how. Its perfectly understandable to feel betrayed in this light. How could she say and of do all of that and not end up with me? Its a great question. One I bet you have spent many nights pondering or raging over. My answer to how: She lied. She used you. And you wanted to believe. Now stop feeling stupid about how she fooled you, realize what she truly is and move on. I started to think about a friend of mine and his wife, who I know well too... and their beautiful little daughters who adore me like an uncle.. I started to imagine HIM having an affair on her, and what a disappointment that would be, all the way around. I also started to imagine (as far as I could without it being weird) the passion expressed between 2 new people falling in love.. The looks, the touches, the day dreaming, the first "I love you's", you get it... And then I imagined this friend of mine coming home after work and yelling, "Hi Honey, I am home... and the little girls running and jumping into Daddy's arms and kissing him where OW had kissed him just minutes before... I just don't get it, how this person I fell in love with could be THAT person. I don't get why I didn't see the same story I just wrote out.. I don't really need an explaination, I just needed to rant.. Of course, this DOES help me when/if MW comes back around, because I CLEARLY see a difference today in what I "used" to see... Thanks for listening You are in such a good place right now. I'll parrot Owl, "Let the healing begin". I'll even buy the first round of virtual Shiner Bocks.
Author stampdaddy Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 How? You let her. You helped her. You encouraged her. That's how. Its perfectly understandable to feel betrayed in this light. How could she say and of do all of that and not end up with me? Its a great question. One I bet you have spent many nights pondering or raging over. My answer to how: She lied. She used you. And you wanted to believe. Now stop feeling stupid about how she fooled you, realize what she truly is and move on. You are in such a good place right now. I'll parrot Owl, "Let the healing begin". I'll even buy the first round of virtual Shiner Bocks. ahhh... yet another Texan...
Author stampdaddy Posted October 31, 2008 Author Posted October 31, 2008 Happy Halloween all you crazy kooks!!
Recommended Posts