BikerBeagle Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Here's my history: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t168539/ I did a lot of soul-searching last night and realized that I'm not sure that my 'pain' is caused so much by my ex (of course, I'll miss her and it's certainly some of it) but by the fact that I really hate to be alone again. I was doing ok for 2 years prior to my ex, so I think I'll get back there, but the feeling that I'm going to die completely alone is strong right now. I have a full-time 14-yr old daughter, but she'll move away in a few years in search of her own life and love. Other than that, I'm 42-yrs old, precious few hobbies, precious few really good friends (all of whom are married), decent job but I don't like it enough to really throw myself into it completely (and, while it is a big company, every female I even remotely associate with is either married or much older than I am). I'm probably just 'average' looking, although I have lost 52 lbs in the last 3 months, and really don't have many options for meeting new people other than online dating services, which are expensive and not really all that successful for the majority of 'average' looking guys. I'm not really looking for anything new immediately any ways, but forecasting for a year or two down the road and my future is looking grim. I'm going to be the single guy at 60 saying, "get off my lawn you damn kids!". I suppose I'm just venting.
george35 Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 I’ve always thought of myself as pretty average looking also but noticed the longer I dated someone, or am now married, the better looking I got, in their eyes at least. So unless you’re a total slob, and you can fix that, I don’t think you should get too hung up on being average looking. At least your average looking, you could have been just plain ugly, JK. I have to comment on loosing 52 pounds in 3 months; that’s not good especially if most of it was stress induced. Are you where you need to be now with your weight and have you stopped loosing?
MichiganMan222 Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Wow, sounds exactly like me. In fact I wrote a thread earlier questioning whether I was actually heartbroken or just freaked out over being alone. I was in love with the relationship; not so much the woman. I miss the companionship and being able to text, email, or call a significant-other just for the hell if it. Like you, my friends are all married and busy. I literally do NOTHING when I don't have my kids and that of course makes me dwell (although its getting better and NC is as easy as it can get for me). I think you and I need to realize that the ex's are not even remotely close to the only people we could end up in life with. They are only one person each. I think we get stuck feeling like that was our only chance to NOT be alone. But that is nuts. Someone will replace them eventually. As for being 'average looking', I don't think looks matter at all. There's someone for everyone, so they say. I'd say a nice, average-looking guy has a lot better chance of settling down with someone they love than a good-looking *****head. Besides, average means just that....average....and average is always the category with the highest numbers. So MOST women are average looking too. Anyway, I'm right there with you. I'm around your age and just lost someone. I have virtually no support from friends (because I choose not to solicit it as they are all married and busy)...but I'm not worried about being alone. You shouldn't either. Its not that there's no one else for you; you just haven't bumped into her yet.
Author BikerBeagle Posted October 29, 2008 Author Posted October 29, 2008 George35 The weight loss does seem to be a bit extreme, but *shrug* I had it to lose. I still have 17lbs to go to get to "average" weight for a guy my age/height/frame ...and then another 30lbs to get to the commonly published ratio (not sure I'm going to try that). I suppose some of it was stress-induced, but a lot of it was simply because my ex gave me the strength to want to do it (she didn't request it, I just wanted to feel as good about myself as I did about her). Michiganman222 I hear where you are coming from, there's someone else out there blah blah and you never know where they will come from yadda yadda, but as you surely know, that's little consolation right now. I can't even imagine another relationship at the moment, but I have to admit that something temporary would be a great distraction. =)
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