Providing Your Date With Options

[Bells]

Okay, I asked this woman out to a Halloween party, I told her the time of the party, but apparently she gets off work rather late, and by the time she got ready for it, it would be too late to attend. She works out-of-town during the week staying at a hotel.

 

Now mind you, she voluntarily gave me her Telephone number (which indicates interest because I didn't have to ask for it.)

 

So I gave her other options for the weekend. Like for Sat night or Sunday.

 

She tells me that on Sat night, she MIGHT be hanging out with her friends at a bar after some kind of martial arts class.

 

And Sunday night she NORMALLY likes to "Stay In" because she's busy packing to head back to work Monday Morning.

 

I am thinking of saying, "Well, this sunday night, with me, it might not be so normal. ;-)"

 

Of course that does leave the afternoon during the days, ie - Sunday afternoon...so I could suggest that.

 

I feel an impulse to say, jokingly and flirtingly of course, "So you'd prefer to hang out with some friends at some bar, than to go out with an eligible bachelor?"

 

Of course, that might make me sound like a possessive ass, when she might interpret it as, "Oh, so your friends are more important that ME??"

 

Believe me, I know people who have ditched an "Evening out with friends" for date. Plus she said she "MIGHT" be hanging out with them....so it's not like it was pre-planned.

 

Anyhow, should I offer the "afternoon" alternatives or say, "Oh, okay, so when WILL You be available to go out with me this weekend?"

[Island Girl]

No you should cut your losses. She may have given you her phone number but she is back peddling now.

 

You are correct that the evening with friends would be ditched on and you already opened the door for alternate times. She would have said yes to one of those offers if she was truly interested.

 

Just move on to the next one.

[Bells]

No you should cut your losses. She may have given you her phone number but she is back peddling now.

 

You are correct that the evening with friends would be ditched on and you already opened the door for alternate times. She would have said yes to one of those offers if she was truly interested.

 

Just move on to the next one.

 

Why would she back peddle? Wierd. Must be a flake. She seemed to be really into me, too. Couldn't have been something I did...because she never gave me a chance to "F -up" lol!

[Geishawhelk]

She's just had a change of mind, but doesn't want to come right out and coldly say - "You know what? I've changed my mind....." That would be mean, in anybody's book.

Back-pedalling is the kind way to say - 'It's not on any more'.....

[Bells]

She's just had a change of mind, but doesn't want to come right out and coldly say - "You know what? I've changed my mind....." That would be mean, in anybody's book.

Back-pedalling is the kind way to say - 'It's not on any more'.....

 

Why would it be "not on" anymore?

 

This is the point where, people who graciously give their advice..."Well, it was YOU that must've done something wrong...that you weren't able to "keep her interest".

 

She never even gave me a CHANCE to "Keep her interest" or a chance to "mess up" or whatever. So I figured it's ALL on her.

 

I figured this would be a good "play-by-play" as an example to show that I don't think I did do anything wrong or it was my IN-actions that caused this.

 

That there are some (or alot) of single women out there that are simply flakes.

[Island Girl]

You didn't do anything wrong. Who knows what has happened on her side. Maybe she got back together with an ex-boyfriend. Maybe she just thought about it and decided she didn't want to go out with you. Maybe she didn't want to do out with you but you were so nice that she didn't want to not give you some kind of positive action so as not to discourage you from talking to another girl. -- I have done that one myself quite a few years ago. Or maybe she has multiple personalities and one liked you and gave you her number but the others who answered the phone don't.

 

Who knows what is going on in her head. Don't worry about it. You did nothing wrong. There is correction to be made on your side. Just go get the next one. There's plenty of women out there.

[Bells]

You didn't do anything wrong. Who knows what has happened on her side. Maybe she got back together with an ex-boyfriend. Maybe she just thought about it and decided she didn't want to go out with you. Maybe she didn't want to do out with you but you were so nice that she didn't want to not give you some kind of positive action so as not to discourage you from talking to another girl. -- I have done that one myself quite a few years ago. Or maybe she has multiple personalities and one liked you and gave you her number but the others who answered the phone don't.

 

Who knows what is going on in her head. Don't worry about it. You did nothing wrong. There is correction to be made on your side. Just go get the next one. There's plenty of women out there.

 

Yeah, I'll just introduce myself to her lady friends in her friends list.

[Geishawhelk]

I'm not giving any advice. You just didn't click. We can't like everyone, or click with everyone, and there doesn't need to be a concrete, specific reason.

If we were all to click, we'd all be living in multi-polyamorous relationships, but we don't.

 

Just accept it. You were prepared to take it further, she didn't want to take it on at all.

 

NEXT!!

[Bells]

You know, she could have at LEAST said something like, "Well, my and my friends are going to this bar tonight, you can join us if you'd like"

 

Didn't even get that offer.

[CommitmentPhobe]

Why would she back peddle? Wierd. Must be a flake. She seemed to be really into me, too. Couldn't have been something I did...because she never gave me a chance to "F -up" lol!

 

Maybe she's secretly a man and figures giving you the lead on isn't a good idea.

 

Who knows?

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Don't assign blame, to her or to you. It just creates more drama for you. Forget it and move on. Someone else will be interested (provided you don't stick her profile up here on LS )

 

Remember, its a numbers game for all of us.

[Bells]

Don't assign blame, to her or to you. It just creates more drama for you. Forget it and move on. Someone else will be interested (provided you don't stick her profile up here on LS )

 

Remember, its a numbers game for all of us.

 

Didn't meet her on a dating site. I actually met THIS one in person, face-to-face.

[Magnatolia]

Everyone on here has simply assumed that she's not interested. Maybe's she's testing to see how keen you are, or maybe she just has a busy weekend. Just ask her, say 'so this weekend is no good, let me know a day that suits you if you're still interested'.

 

I was texting a girl at one point, who 'back peddled'. We did end up meeting after a while - I think it was more the point that she wanted to know me a bit more. Might be the same with your girl.

[Bells]

Everyone on here has simply assumed that she's not interested. Maybe's she's testing to see how keen you are, or maybe she just has a busy weekend. Just ask her, say 'so this weekend is no good, let me know a day that suits you if you're still interested'.

 

I was texting a girl at one point, who 'back peddled'. We did end up meeting after a while - I think it was more the point that she wanted to know me a bit more. Might be the same with your girl.

 

How long is "a while"?

 

Can't she get to know you a "bit more" in person?

 

Screw texting. I'm in "In person" kind of guy.

[sultry33]

How long is "a while"?

 

Can't she get to know you a "bit more" in person?

 

Screw texting. I'm in "In person" kind of guy.

 

you may be but she may not;)

 

why the rush?

 

I have friends that id not introduce to a new date too soon..also wouldnt cancel with my friends or blow them out.

 

Just ask her to let you know when is a good time and see what happens

if no suitable reply is received then you have your answer:)

 

i have talked to guys for over a month before we actually had a date and if they was too keen initally id be gone;)

[Bells]

you may be but she may not;)

 

why the rush?

 

I have friends that id not introduce to a new date too soon..also wouldnt cancel with my friends or blow them out.

 

Just ask her to let you know when is a good time and see what happens

if no suitable reply is received then you have your answer:)

 

i have talked to guys for over a month before we actually had a date and if they was too keen initally id be gone;)

 

There is no rush, I'm going at a normal pace.

 

I consider this my normal pace.

 

I will give her another week at the very most (that's my normal pace, PLUS I'm giving her some wiggle room)....can't do a month.

 

I'm sorry, but I'm not familiar with the term "keen".

 

I emailed her back, asking, "Well, since you're unavailable Sunday night, how about Sunday afternoon?"

 

Plus she said she MIGHT be getting together with friends...so it's just tentative.

 

Why would you not blow off your friends? I know I would LOL! Must be a guy thing?

[sultry33]

There is no rush, I'm going at a normal pace.

 

I consider this my normal pace.

 

I will give her another week at the very most (that's my normal pace, PLUS I'm giving her some wiggle room)....can't do a month.

 

I'm sorry, but I'm not familiar with the term "keen".

 

I emailed her back, asking, "Well, since you're unavailable Sunday night, how about Sunday afternoon?"

 

Plus she said she MIGHT be getting together with friends...so it's just tentative.

 

Why would you not blow off your friends? I know I would LOL! Must be a guy thing?

 

well my friends will always be there and a guy well may not

 

if i didnt have firm plans then hell yea id be there;)

 

i think if it was me and you was asking id give you a firm day when i could make it unless i was not that interested.. but then id say so

honesty is always best:D

[Meet 4 Coffee]

Sorry, Bells, but she's not very interested. As a woman, I can tell you, if she was into you, she would have gone out with you on Saturday. "Might" be hanging out with friends at a bar is her ticket OUT of a date with you.

Again, I'm really sorry. Good luck next time.

[Zorie]

Not sure exactly what happened in your situation but I know in the past (in my 20's) I've been guilty of giving guys my number that I may not have totally been into and then blew them off when they called to ask me out.

I know now that it was totally WRONG and I don't practice that sort of behavior any more.

At the time I just didnt have the heart to hurt them face to face I suppose. It's been my experience since, that if someone is really truly into you they will make themselves available at nearly all costs and if they are having a busy week/weekend they will be the ones to try to set up another time to go out or be the one to come up with other options.

[Shygirl15]

*yawn*

 

All in all Bells, I hope things work out for you this time or very soon. I can't help but notice that so far you have never had even ONE successful story to tell us. I'm sure you also have noticed that, haven't you? Why are you having such a hard time scoring with women, Bells?

[rod_in_gtown]

I think she might be flaking... These types of women can be VERY confusing...

I met a girl who temped here in my office, we kept in touch afterwards, and ended up going to a movie together. That night she left the movie in the middle of it and never came back. So I thought, well, rude but at least I know it's over. A few days later she called me back and wanted to know if I would like to hang out with her, we made a date and the day of the date she disappeared. Ok, strike 2 and out in my book.

 

2 weeks ago she sent me an email asking me to meet with one of her friends for something and I told her I would call her with the intention of never doing so. she messages me back again giving me her new phone number. I still don't call back.

 

Today she added me to her "linked in" and I'm still going to stay away.

 

This is a typical flake, she shows interest and then backs off, then shows interest again and backs off. If I keep playing her game, I'll end up in the loony bin. Just move on I say.

[Bells]

*yawn*

 

All in all Bells, I hope things work out for you this time or very soon. I can't help but notice that so far you have never had even ONE successful story to tell us. I'm sure you also have noticed that, haven't you? Why are you having such a hard time scoring with women, Bells?

 

Because they're rude, inconsiderate or just plain flakes. It's as simple as that.

[Bells]

Not sure exactly what happened in your situation but I know in the past (in my 20's) I've been guilty of giving guys my number that I may not have totally been into and then blew them off when they called to ask me out.

I know now that it was totally WRONG and I don't practice that sort of behavior any more.

At the time I just didnt have the heart to hurt them face to face I suppose. It's been my experience since, that if someone is really truly into you they will make themselves available at nearly all costs and if they are having a busy week/weekend they will be the ones to try to set up another time to go out or be the one to come up with other options.

 

Well, there's a difference between being given a phone number without me having to as, VS. having to ask.

[Bells]

I think she might be flaking... These types of women can be VERY confusing...

I met a girl who temped here in my office, we kept in touch afterwards, and ended up going to a movie together. That night she left the movie in the middle of it and never came back. So I thought, well, rude but at least I know it's over. A few days later she called me back and wanted to know if I would like to hang out with her, we made a date and the day of the date she disappeared. Ok, strike 2 and out in my book.

 

2 weeks ago she sent me an email asking me to meet with one of her friends for something and I told her I would call her with the intention of never doing so. she messages me back again giving me her new phone number. I still don't call back.

 

Today she added me to her "linked in" and I'm still going to stay away.

 

This is a typical flake, she shows interest and then backs off, then shows interest again and backs off. If I keep playing her game, I'll end up in the loony bin. Just move on I say.

 

LOL>...Amen brother....amen....personally I would have caller her out on her friggin' behavior the 3rd time around.

 

I would have said, "Hey, listen, I'm tired of your BS, let's cut ties now!"

[sultry33]

I think she might be flaking... These types of women can be VERY confusing...

I met a girl who temped here in my office, we kept in touch afterwards, and ended up going to a movie together. That night she left the movie in the middle of it and never came back. So I thought, well, rude but at least I know it's over. A few days later she called me back and wanted to know if I would like to hang out with her, we made a date and the day of the date she disappeared. Ok, strike 2 and out in my book.

 

2 weeks ago she sent me an email asking me to meet with one of her friends for something and I told her I would call her with the intention of never doing so. she messages me back again giving me her new phone number. I still don't call back.

 

Today she added me to her "linked in" and I'm still going to stay away.

 

This is a typical flake, she shows interest and then backs off, then shows interest again and backs off. If I keep playing her game, I'll end up in the loony bin. Just move on I say.

 

strike one and she would have been dust:eek:

 

who does that? just dissapear in middle of a date..plus suggest another, just gives us ladies a bad name