roflCOPTER1234 Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 So I posted here about 6 plus months ago when my "boy" broke it off with me. I was really upset, first break up ever and I didn't know what to do with myself. For the longest time I had convinced myself that he WAS coming back. That he loved me and he'd realize the error of his ways and come crawling back, he had to....we were meant to be together....atleast that is what I had believed. Anyway, we kept seeing each other. Sleeping together, talking, hanging out...but it was a lot more sparse. He was also seeing a couple girls here and there, but said he wasn't dating them. Fast forward to recently...like 2 months ago he reveals to me that we're dating again. CONFUSED. Just not exclusively. So I was okay with that...felt alright, but I didn't want it to get any further than just friends hooking up having fun, ect. Recently he broke it off AGAIN. Telling me that "i was getting too attached" "it felt like we were in a relationship again and I just am afraid of being in a relationship....because I don't want to be in one...I want to be single" okay....whatever....so I tried the whole not contacting him thing and that works for about 2 days and then he'll call me like nothing has happened. He called me recently to tell him how much he missed me (he was away on business) and then when he came back he didn't want to see me...avoided my calls and got mad that i was "overcalling"....I back off for a bit and we hung out 3 nights in a row- hooking up only once though. I'm just unsure about where I go from here. I want to move on, but part of me believes he's going to have that change of heart like he did last time. I don't want to keep doing this neverending cycle with him. I do like him with all my heart and I want us to wind up together, I just think timing is bad for the both of us. So what do I do to be strong and just not pick up when he calls...or response to his texts. I know once i stop he will start up. Or do you think it's really over this time?... I've never been through a break-up. I just don't know what comes next....is this normal...this whole, exs still hanging all the time? we're good friends that are attracted to each other and get along great! what else is there in a relationship? I'm bummed.
Geishawhelk Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 I hate to tell you this. He sees you completely - and treats you - as a simple "F**kbuddy". That's all you are. he has affection for you, but he likely treats other ladies he has sex with, in exactly the same way. he is not committed to you, and never will be, but the longer you keep letting him in between the sheets, the longer he will also screw with your mind. You really, really do need to move on from this guy, for your own sanity and physical protection. Who else is he going to bed with? How do you - or he - know they're "clean"....? Thell him to please do you a favour and move on from you. You don't want him contacting you in any way, shape or form. One of two things will happen: He will either comply, because trust me, it will be a lot easier for him to move on and forget you, and besides, you're too demanding and controlling for him, so good riddance, or He won't stop badgering you because losing you means being able to have sex less, and he wants sex when he can get it....and you were the perfect little bed-fellow! But in order for you to regain and retain your dignity, you have to be strong stick to your guns. refuse all contact. Do whatever it takes to eliminate him from your sight... wipe him from all 'memory' (phone, computer.... everything!) and turn the page. He's a user and a player. And he's been playing you, big time. Now, it's time to turn the tables and call the shots. Why don't you be clear on what you want - and you don't want him - ?!
Island Girl Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Your mistake was after the break up you maintained contact even if it was answering his calls or messages. AND the biggest No-No you kept sleeping with him. Then you knew he was seeing other girls and kept sleeping with him (risking your health as well). And, another No-No, you let him call the shots. He has had it very easy with you. From his side of the table all he has had to do is give you an occasional contact to keep you stuck and willing to do whatever he wants. You have got to tell him you deserve better, are demanding better, and are done with him. Then stick to it. He will call and message because it has worked in the past. And he will do so for a longer period because he will not believe that you grew a spine suddenly. But you can't cave in. It will only allow him to use you again and you DO deserve better than that.
Author roflCOPTER1234 Posted October 29, 2008 Author Posted October 29, 2008 So I guess I f'ed up a ton. I just really want all of this to stop. I don't want him out of my life...but I guess we can't even be friends.
Geishawhelk Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 No, you can't have it both ways. You don't want him out of your life becuse you still have feelings for him, and this crappy kind of contact is better than nothing. Sorry.... why would you want to be friends with a guy who so blatantly, evidently, obviously, does not have your interests at heart? He yanks your chain, and pulls your strings.... he couldn't care less about your emotional involvement. Really, he couldn't. If he knew this was cutting you up as much as it is, and if he knew how you felt about him, (and trust me, he does know!) the most decent thing would be to say - "I'm backing off because I know that contact with me is hurting you, and it's best we just chill it for a while." That's what any decent guy would do. All he's into is using you for some bed-fun..... Friendship be damned, girl. You can do better. Shut it down and close it off. You may not want him out of your life, but it's the only way to go.
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