jenniferlm Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 A little background. have known him about a year and a half. We have a four month old. He lives with me except when he's away working (HA) I found out tonight that he has a profile on an adult sex partner site.... I found the cookie from the site when I was removing spyware and other stuff from the computer with some software that came with my laptop. so I went to the site, entered his email address in the "forgot password" login, and it came back that his password was being sent to his email...which means that he has an account there...I tried to then enter MY email which came back as "email address not found" Soo...when I went to the site I see that he has a profile there with a picture of his Ummmm... well you know! lol he also has one "FRIEND" listed on there. A woman who lives in the same town. He's been a member there it says since last Valentine's Day. Added this woman to his friend's list in March. Soooooo My question is this: how to proceed? I know I need to end it. Should I do it immediately over the phone? Or wait to see him in person? I've left him a text to call me tomorrow when he gets a chance. Should I bring up that I found him on that site? How long should I give him to get his stuff and move out of my house? Right now he's away working (LOL, I know.) and since he's in the military he could have another place to live pretty much immediately I think. I'm trying not to let anger overtake me as we have a son together. My first instinct was to call him up and wake him up and confront him and tell him off. I'm also at a loss as where to even begin with him. I'm feeling hurt and dissapointed and at a loss for words. I want to bring up other things he's done as well lately that have made me feel bad about myself. I guess I know now why he was saying things and asking questions that made me feel badly. A lot of things make a LOT more sense now.
Konfuzion Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 E-mail him the picture of his "Ummmm... well you know!" And in it say I am sure you will understand why i want you to come a get your stuff from my house right now.
SarahRose Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Konfuzion's response is perfect. You are under no obligation to be nice to someone who has done something like that to you.
Island Girl Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 E-mail him the picture of his "Ummmm... well you know!" And in it say I am sure you will understand why i want you to come a get your stuff from my house right now. Absolutely perfect. Stick to your guns. And when he comes to get his stuff, don't discuss the relationship. Write down ahead of time the things that need to be discussed regarding the son you have together. It is best if you can get as much out of the way up front as possible so there there is less likely to be a constant hassle later.
Vertex Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 You know, in some strange way, I have to agree. Konfuzion's suggestion seems oddly appropriate here, haha. However, I'd suggest that you guys also discuss your son. EDIT: Eh Island Girl beat me to it.
Geishawhelk Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Oh, yes. Contact a lawyer, and slap a divorce on the grounds of irreconcilable differences on him when he walks through the door..... (unless you KNOW for sure he's committed adultery.... any concrete admission of guilt on the site?) and tell him your lawyers will be in touch with regard to child support..... Oh and.... Have a nice day!
DaisyBelle Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Geishawhelk - It's her boyfriend, not husband, so a divorce is unnecessary. BUT what would be helpful in this scenario is to get the military involved for the child support aspect. There are JAGs you can speak to about this, as well as his CO. You don't have to go into detail with the military about the Adultfriendfinder (although they prob wouldn't like his peepee on display on the innernets, particularly if he's involved with something covert within the military), but you could simply let them know you've separated and would like to ensure support for your child. Ugh. Good luck.
whichwayisup Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Talk to him about this, lay it all out on the line for him. For the sake of your child together, you two need to try one last time. Go to couples therapy together.. If things don't work out, you two DO still need to co-parent together for the rest of your lives, so ending it on a bad note is probably not a good idea because of your son.
2sure Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 You might consider this: Tell him how you came across his profile and that you are upset. If he says he is sorry, it was a mistake, a joke, a one time thing....You have to tell him you want the password. And right now! If you ask him over the phone, have the site up and ready to log into. I would want to know exactly who the friend is, if there has been any contact, what her profile says. Unless he gives you this access and transparency - there is no use in talking. The only problem with the above is that since the password was sent to his email account, he knows someone accessed it and has probably deleted anything in his friendfinder mailbox and lists.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 I agree there's no need for discussion of the relationship -- just your son. I wouldn't bother asking questions or trying to get more details, as he'll just lie and there's no point. I'd just eject him as soon as possible.
Mahatma Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Was his profile before dating you (make sure to know the year)? Did you ever go on a "break?" If the answer to both of those is "no," then I would suggest the same thing about sending him the picture and ending it. If both of those are no, then its unacceptable, which you seem to clearly realize. I feel sorry for you having to deal with the betrayal. I feel even more sorry for the child caught in the middle of this...
Shygirl15 Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Soo...when I went to the site I see that he has a profile there with a picture of his Ummmm... well you know! lol Right now he's away working (LOL, I know.) I can't believe you still 'lolled' after what has happened to you..lol! You sound like a tough girl who will never take shyit from anyone. Good for you. I like what Konfuzed suggested to you.
pussylover Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 sign up to adultfriendfiner and send him a message that you want him
Recommended Posts