Vertex Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Apparently, just days after my breakup with my ex of two years, she jumped into bed with some new guy and now they are dating. Facebook also confirms it. Now I feel like NC has been screwed up for me. I don't want her back, but some things bother me: 1. It's so soon. Before, when we were breaking up, we said we'd try to be respectful of our time together by not jumping too soon into something new/giving each other time to heal/etc. Now I just feel like I was being lied to. Either she's long moved on, or the new guy is a rebound. 2. She's having sex in her room. When we were dating she was always so adamant about never doing it in her room because she'd get "too messy and sweaty" when she came. This means either one of two things. Either she was making excuses, or the new guy sucks in bed. 3. The dude's a year younger than she is. I'm a year older. When we were splitting she made a *HUGE* deal over the fact that we were in different years. Basically, I just feel like I was correct in my initial assumptions that when we were breaking up, she was just looking for lame reasons to get angry or to justify splitting, because none of this makes sense from the outside. So often I would implore for her to just be honest with me so we could fix things, but instead I got this backhanded false crap, and now it just shows through that I was right about things. Again, the relationship was wrong for me. But this new relationship really bothers me. I don't want her back, but the mere fact that she got with someone again so quickly just flies in the face of so many things that she said to me. Am I being irrational? It's really hard to see straight from the inside sometimes.
Dumbledore Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 2. She's having sex in her room. I love journaling on Facebook!
Author Vertex Posted October 29, 2008 Author Posted October 29, 2008 Well, no, all Facebook told me was that she was in a relationship. A friend told me the other stuff.
Island Girl Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Apparently, just days after my breakup with my ex of two years, she jumped into bed with some new guy and now they are dating. Facebook also confirms it. Now I feel like NC has been screwed up for me. I don't want her back, but some things bother me You shouldn't be checking her Facebook. And you should tell anyone who wants to tell you things about her or her current relationship that you don't care to hear it. 1. It's so soon. Before, when we were breaking up, we said we'd try to be respectful of our time together by not jumping too soon into something new/giving each other time to heal/etc. Now I just feel like I was being lied to. Either she's long moved on, or the new guy is a rebound. She isn't your girlfriend. It doesn't matter what promises or agreements were made. She doesn't owe you anything -- not even loyalty or commitment to her words. She is nothing to you now and you are nothing to her. 2. She's having sex in her room. When we were dating she was always so adamant about never doing it in her room because she'd get "too messy and sweaty" when she came. This means either one of two things. Either she was making excuses, or the new guy sucks in bed. It could be many things - why do you care? You are done with her and don't want her back, right? 3. The dude's a year younger than she is. I'm a year older. When we were splitting she made a *HUGE* deal over the fact that we were in different years. Opinions can change about anything and at any time. Again, who cares? Not you right? You don't care what she is doing, who she is doing, etc. She is not your girlfriend anymore. And you have said you do not want her. Basically, I just feel like I was correct in my initial assumptions that when we were breaking up, she was just looking for lame reasons to get angry or to justify splitting, because none of this makes sense from the outside. So often I would implore for her to just be honest with me so we could fix things, but instead I got this backhanded false crap, and now it just shows through that I was right about things. It sounds like you are both young and often a young person may make excuses or look for reasons as you said because they have difficulty being confrontational or saying, "I just don't want to be with you anymore". Again, the relationship was wrong for me. But this new relationship really bothers me. I don't want her back, but the mere fact that she got with someone again so quickly just flies in the face of so many things that she said to me. Yeah it sucks that untruths were told. But it happens and at the end of a relationship communication often suffers. Am I being irrational? It's really hard to see straight from the inside sometimes. Yes you are being irrational. But you opened the door for it by getting all this info about what she is doing and who she is doing it with. You can take this opportunity to learn a fantastic lesson that will help you the rest of your life: when someone becomes an ex (it doesn't matter who does the breaking up) do not search out information about them and what they are doing and if someone offers information just politely tell them you do not care to hear about anything relating to that person and change the subject. All the info does is open the door for these thoughts and they are nothing but destructive.
Author Vertex Posted October 29, 2008 Author Posted October 29, 2008 Yes, I do agree with your statements 100%. I, in all honesty, don't care about what she's doing now. I'm more upset at the sunk costs. It bothers me that she lied so much. She told me she'd work at things, but her signals told something different. I'd bring it up and she'd shoot it down. When we split, she continued to feed me the same sort of lines. I would have much rather preferred "I just don't want to be with you anymore." It was all extremely dishonest, and I hate dishonesty. It bothers me that she's suddenly doing all these things with the new guy that she used to fight over with me so frequently. Why couldn't she do these things with me? Again, I guess it doesn't matter. She's not my girlfriend anymore. The relationship was totally not right for me, and she's not a very high-quality person. She lies constantly, and is extremely self-serving. I guess it's not my problem anymore. I just get really bothered by dishonesty in the face of evidence, and I guess I'm merely ranting about that concept.
Island Girl Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Well you knew she is not a very high quality person (selfish and lies frequently). I guess the greatest lesson is that if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck it's a duck. She is a liar and lied to you. You were not the first and probably will not be the last. Dishonestly is the worst thing to me as well. So I can feel your words but there are plenty of girls out there. You'll soon be pursuing someone else and this girl will be the furthest thing from your mind.
Author Vertex Posted October 29, 2008 Author Posted October 29, 2008 Yep, totally. Just gotta find the right one, first
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Why couldn't she do these things with me? If she could have then you'd probably be together. It's up to you whether you want to spend your time analysing the reasons for this or doing other things. Other things like going out and having a good time. she's not a very high-quality person. She lies constantly, and is extremely self-serving. Yeah, so why do you bother to keep her in your life?
stillafool Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 I bet she had this guy lined up to date before she even broke up with you. People never really tell the truth when they say they "need space". There's always someone lurking in the wings for them. Do yourself a favor and don't spy on her because as you can see it just adds frustration and stress. Now you know she's a liar so just leave it at that and that you are on the right track to get over her.
Author Vertex Posted October 29, 2008 Author Posted October 29, 2008 I am fairly confident that she had this guy lined up before we officially split. It's all simply too soon for me to assume that she met this guy post-breakup. Again, I have no intent on "spying" on them. I'd much rather move on with my life. It just really bothers me that people continue to be dishonest. For some reason I always hold out for this hope that people, in the end, are forthcoming. It's just so incredibly disappointing when evidence indicates the contrary. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt... but at the end of the day, I wind up being (unfortunately) correct. Many people lie.
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