Ruby Slippers Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Ignoring what women want entirely for a moment, what is it that you want out of a relationship? I'm specifically asking the guys who actually seek out relationships, rather than just flings, as it's pretty clear what players want. The obvious answer is great sex, and I think most men actually do want at least some degree of companionship/fun. Is there anything more than that? Or are you just going along with what women want so you can get what you want -- sex and some fun?
kizik Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 I have a feeling that we don't all want the same thing, but for me - great conversation, romance, spontaneity, laughter, travel, a sense of ease. Just someone that loves me as I am and does not want to change me.
Green Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 First and for most shes got to turn me on which means in good shape nice face. Other then that a healthy attitude toward sex, zero flakeyness and a good sense of humor
Vertex Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 I am curious about something too -- am I asking for too much? I've never really made an exhaustive list before, but I'll give it a shot. I want someone who: -Is honest and who knows how to openly communicate and empathize. I don't want someone who keeps everything inside, allowing it to snowball into a huge problem later. Being able to empathize is vital to me because it's one of the stronger glues in a relationship. -Can share in my sarcastic sense of humor. -Knows how to laugh. I usually try to see the humorous side to things, and I want someone who is able to do the same. -Isn't afraid to show their weird side Quirks are what make us unique and interesting people. -Also knows when to be serious and how to be reasonable. -Is intelligent. I don't necessarily mean booksmart -- just someone who is intellectually curious, observant, creative, thoughtful, and knows how to organize and plan ahead. It's hard to explain this one. Basically I want someone who I can rely/lean on because I can trust their intellectual judgment. Someone I can verbally spar with. -Is sexually open... who shares my view that sex is fun to experiment with, and that sex is something that should be discussed openly and without pressure. I'm usually willing to do anything for someone I love sexually, and I hope that the one I love would feel the same way about me. I tend to be a giver, and in the past it's usually attracted takers. It'd be nice to find a fellow giver. -Is financially responsible. Sometimes you need to understand when it's necessary to save and budget, and when it's okay to splurge and have fun. -Is affectionate and sweet... I always like it when a girl is giving me kisses here and there with a smile, or is snuggled up close with their head on my shoulder... things like that. -Is patient and understanding. We all have flaws. It's important to understand that we all have our weak moments, but that is all the more reason for us to be there for one another, lift each other's spirits, inspire, and love. -Has variegated interests... as in, someone who likes to get out and try new things, but is also perfectly okay with just staying in sometimes and watching a movie together. -Is romantic and is receptive to it. I like to be spontaneous, and it'd be awesome for the one I love to be thoughtful as well. One time, my ex-ex girlfriend randomly made me a really nice piece of art, and I thought it was so incredibly thoughtful and sweet of her to put that kind of time and effort into making something for me. -Tries to make things work when things get tough. Doesn't quit -- sees obstacles as things to overcome, as opposed to mere excuses to avoid everything and give up, or simply not try. -Is also my best friend. Sometimes I feel like I am asking for too much. I don't know.
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Love, trust, mutual respect and attraction, and a realistic shot at making it work i.e., - no serious financial or emotional problems and shared relationship goals. There has to be a fundamental level of stability where you're working with each other and enjoying it. There was a study a while ago that showed that people whos marriages worked tended to have the following ingredients: Similar backgrounds Similar levels of education Similar age bracket I tend to agree with this. Although that isn't to say that you can't make it work without these things, but personally I've found this to be a huge factor behind the ease of daily couple activities such as getting on with each others friends and family to planning what you're going to do with an evening. I honestly don't think it's complicated or hard to find if you know what you are looking for and can put a label on it. I've been out with several women the last few years I could have settled easily with if I wasn't being pushed from pillar to post. Now that I'm settling in London I don't think it's going to be so hard. There are plenty of decent single people around.
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Sometimes I feel like I am asking for too much. I don't know. Your list is pretty exhaustive. I think being too similar with your partner is not necessarily a good thing. Sometimes it's better that one person has strengths where the other has weakenesses, e.g., perhaps if you're sexually open someone more reserved might be a good match because you can bring that side out of them.
Vertex Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 I've tried that too many times before, unfortunately. Sexually reserved people tend to be sexually "lazy" with no willingness to break from that shell, and it just doesn't work. I enjoy sex and everything that comes with it, and it's a real killer to try to make things compatible with someone who is comparatively "prudish." I agree that certain elements should supplement one another, and I don't necessarily want someone who is similar to me in terms of specific interests/etc, but rather I want someone who shares important fundamental views of what, in my opinion, makes for a good relationship -- and that is what comprises my list.
outlaw_biker Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 * Must not care about her curtains. * Should not ask about the missing lamp. * Does not ask questions when I leave on my own accord. * Needs to take it IDB like a porn star.
joshaz Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Nailed it on the head: companionship. Someone to spend time with mostly. Intelligent, good conversation, laughter, etc... I think kizik got it: someone to be at ease with. I don't actually put that much importance on sex. Of course I may be naive... I am here after-all...
norajane Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Sometimes I feel like I am asking for too much. I don't know. That's your ideal relationship. Are you attracted to women like that? Or are you attracted to women who aren't a lot of those things? You have a better chance of coming close to your ideal with someone, if you are actually attracted to and date women who are intelligent, curious, financially responsible, etc.
Shygirl15 Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 I am curious about something too -- am I asking for too much? I've never really made an exhaustive list before, but I'll give it a shot. I want someone who: -Is honest and who knows how to openly communicate and empathize. I don't want someone who keeps everything inside, allowing it to snowball into a huge problem later. Being able to empathize is vital to me because it's one of the stronger glues in a relationship. -Can share in my sarcastic sense of humor. -Knows how to laugh. I usually try to see the humorous side to things, and I want someone who is able to do the same. -Isn't afraid to show their weird side Quirks are what make us unique and interesting people. -Also knows when to be serious and how to be reasonable. -Is intelligent. I don't necessarily mean booksmart -- just someone who is intellectually curious, observant, creative, thoughtful, and knows how to organize and plan ahead. It's hard to explain this one. Basically I want someone who I can rely/lean on because I can trust their intellectual judgment. Someone I can verbally spar with. -Is sexually open... who shares my view that sex is fun to experiment with, and that sex is something that should be discussed openly and without pressure. I'm usually willing to do anything for someone I love sexually, and I hope that the one I love would feel the same way about me. I tend to be a giver, and in the past it's usually attracted takers. It'd be nice to find a fellow giver. -Is financially responsible. Sometimes you need to understand when it's necessary to save and budget, and when it's okay to splurge and have fun. -Is affectionate and sweet... I always like it when a girl is giving me kisses here and there with a smile, or is snuggled up close with their head on my shoulder... things like that. -Is patient and understanding. We all have flaws. It's important to understand that we all have our weak moments, but that is all the more reason for us to be there for one another, lift each other's spirits, inspire, and love. -Has variegated interests... as in, someone who likes to get out and try new things, but is also perfectly okay with just staying in sometimes and watching a movie together. -Is romantic and is receptive to it. I like to be spontaneous, and it'd be awesome for the one I love to be thoughtful as well. One time, my ex-ex girlfriend randomly made me a really nice piece of art, and I thought it was so incredibly thoughtful and sweet of her to put that kind of time and effort into making something for me. -Tries to make things work when things get tough. Doesn't quit -- sees obstacles as things to overcome, as opposed to mere excuses to avoid everything and give up, or simply not try. -Is also my best friend. Sometimes I feel like I am asking for too much. I don't know. Ok, now this is exactly what I asked for but got slammed for it big time. Just look how they will be so easy on you..
Vertex Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 I am attracted to people who possess traits that I've listed above. I'm trying to be as patient as I can in terms of waiting until I find someone who has these traits. I've had a bad habit of jumping too quickly into the waters without inspecting everything first. Shygirl: What, I don't feel like I am asking the impossible or anything. Those things are important to me! I feel like if any of those things WEREN'T present, there would be something missing, you know?
monkey00 Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 YES, finally a woman that asks what us men truly want. Finally a breakthrough. What we want is for our women to bring home the bacon.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 29, 2008 Author Posted October 29, 2008 Sometimes I feel like I am asking for too much. I don't know. I don't think you are at all. And I think a lot of those qualities go together. I want and expect a lot of what you want, too. I am attracted to people who possess traits that I've listed above. I'm trying to be as patient as I can in terms of waiting until I find someone who has these traits. I've had a bad habit of jumping too quickly into the waters without inspecting everything first. Same again! It wasn't until after a breakup a few years ago that I made a "bottom line list". (A counselor told me to do this -- list the things you HAVE to have.) My list is entirely reasonable, but I realized that all the guys I've dated have not met my bottom line entirely. They all fell short on at least one thing which was a deal-breaker. No wonder they haven't worked out! I think I have been too blindly optimistic in the past, thinking, "Yes, this one thing bothers me, but I am sure we will figure it out." It's going to be very important for me in the future to be discerning and not even get involved if I know he can't meet my needs from the beginning. I am curious to know what your astrological sign is, Vertex. (I have been into astrology lately -- don't laugh!) You sound like a water or earth sign (like me -- water sign). I am thinking I should only date water and earth signs in the future, as air and fire are too flighty and not grounded enough for me.
jadedone Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Affectionate and sweet. Let's me know at random points of the day that I"m being thought of. What the heck, I actually want someone that's a little clingy. I love the attention. Makes me feel special. Has a large percentage of similar interests. Right now it appears I have found this perfect woman.
Vertex Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Same again! It wasn't until after a breakup a few years ago that I made a "bottom line list". (A counselor told me to do this -- list the things you HAVE to have.) My list is entirely reasonable, but I realized that all the guys I've dated have not met my bottom line entirely. They all fell short on at least one thing which was a deal-breaker. No wonder they haven't worked out! I think I have been too blindly optimistic in the past, thinking, "Yes, this one thing bothers me, but I am sure we will figure it out." It's going to be very important for me in the future to be discerning and not even get involved if I know he can't meet my needs from the beginning. Forgot to respond to this -- this almost describes me perfectly. I always got involved with girls without really considering whether or not they met the "bottom line" standards. Usually, the red flags that occur near the beginning tend to be contributing factors to the end in some way. I've always been one to "overlook" these blatant red flags in hopes that they were either things that could be worked out or changed, but in my experience, it's just too hard to do this. I tend to be really optimistic when it comes to relationships, and nobody I've been with tends to share that type of optimism. It'd be so great to find someone where I could just give the relationship my all, where the other person would feel the same way and also give it their all. However, after having seen similar patterns of failure emerge throughout all my failed relationships, I am now finding it vital to be patient. In the long run, I think it would be for the best. Better to be single a bit longer in order to find someone more suitable than to jump into something that isn't the best fit. It's an investment, of sorts
Constant Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 A woman who treats me with respect would be nice. A woman who is open and honest - Good Communication. A woman who is affectionate. A woman who wants to be with me, cares for me and generally has feelings for me. A woman who won't mock me for not having sex yet. A woman like this does not exist.
SarahRose Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 If these things are what you want then why do so many run off with the psycho trailer trash skank leaving the nice cool girl?
Suiyobi Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Companionship above all things. Sex is great and I wouldn't mind having lots of it, don't get me wrong, but I wouldn't hold it as the ultimate goal for being in a relationship.
Magnatolia Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 I want a girl who can is fun, outgoing and enjoys life. But they also need to be mature, intelligent and able to be serious when needed. I can't stand people who try and make light of everything, no matter how upset someone is. Someone who likes variety and doesn't want to get into a routine. I have female friends who only want to do the exact same thing and I got bored. Companionship, someone I can lose myself with and lose sense of time. Someone who enjoys communiating and spending time.
fral945 Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 The obvious answer is great sex, and I think most men actually do want at least some degree of companionship/fun. Is there anything more than that? Or are you just going along with what women want so you can get what you want -- sex and some fun? 1) Physical attraction 2) Good (or great) long term sex life 3) Companionship/intimacy 4) Accountability (esp. financial) 5) Not overbearing or nagging 6) Can be reasoned with 7) Wants children Beyond that, the rest is usually workable.
BlueHarvest Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 I disagree about the idea that you need to find someone to counter your weakness. Think about it. You need some who recpricates(sp?) your emotions and is able to assist you in your time of need not SUPPORT you. Think about the the football star in the movie Jerry Maguire (the guy portrayed by Cuba Gooding Jr). He was masculine, confident, but also sensitive to his feelings, empathetic towards his wife. And his wife...she didn't see his sensitivity as a weakness. She saw it as him being aware of his emotions. They didn't RELY on each other's feelings, they brought their emotions together and used each of their strengths to further the bond between them. I've been reading a book lately which is pretty insightful...it's called "10 stupid things men do to ruin their lives". http://books.google.com/books?id=z4_ecMEvb9cC&dq=10+stupid+things+men+do+to+ruin+their+lives&source=gbs_summary_s&cad=0
Dexter Morgan Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Ignoring what women want entirely for a moment, what is it that you want out of a relationship? I'm specifically asking the guys who actually seek out relationships, rather than just flings, as it's pretty clear what players want. fidelity love a woman not to cut her hair as short as a man's and a woman that doesn't have a history of being attracted to the "players":)
Vertex Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 I disagree about the idea that you need to find someone to counter your weakness. Think about it. You need some who recpricates(sp?) your emotions and is able to assist you in your time of need not SUPPORT you. Think about the the football star in the movie Jerry Maguire (the guy portrayed by Cuba Gooding Jr). He was masculine, confident, but also sensitive to his feelings, empathetic towards his wife. And his wife...she didn't see his sensitivity as a weakness. She saw it as him being aware of his emotions. They didn't RELY on each other's feelings, they brought their emotions together and used each of their strengths to further the bond between them. I've been reading a book lately which is pretty insightful...it's called "10 stupid things men do to ruin their lives". http://books.google.com/books?id=z4_ecMEvb9cC&dq=10+stupid+things+men+do+to+ruin+their+lives&source=gbs_summary_s&cad=0 I agree to a certain extent. I think both people need to match on certain fundamental things. That is, BOTH people need to be strong in certain traits.
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