fran82 Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 my vows for leaving a loved one behind i cry because my heart hurts, i am in pain because i chose to let you in, but that wasn't enough. my heart bleeds because you've walked on it. i feel sick because i know its not the right time. i ache because i know i still love you and i hope you still love me, since it was not a lack of love that meant the end of us. i am numb to the outside world, because your no longer in it. i mourn because its a little like you've died, living so far away that i know its impossible to bump into you, or simply call round. i must not talk to you, i must not text you or email. i must maintain a vow of no contact. i must put back together the pieces of my heart, but i 'll keep aside just one piece for the memory of you. i will go on with an open mind. i must walk forward, not knowingly, but bravely and with my head held high. i must heal the wounds of love long battle, lost. *disclaimer........if at any point im weakened by despair i will not beat myself up for drunkenly texting, i am only human and drink is bad!
JooLee Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 wow.. my heart totally felt one with your words. yes hold yr head high. you'll make it through
Author fran82 Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 being strong is the easier part of getting through (although not easy at all), has anyone any tips for the loneliness? when your tucked up in bed, and you miss someone curling in beside you. times when ur friends and family cant help. walking along the street surrounded by strangers. real thorough loneliness...............
Crow9726 Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I feel the same way...miss her terribly...know it would never be what we both need and want...but still hurt so damn bad... Almost three months she's been gone...longer really since we both knew this was coming...but I can't make the pain go away. I miss the closeness we once had...sharing our thoughts...our fears and dreams...holding her hand...snuggled under the covers talking and laughing and touching. Falling asleep...holding her close...smelling her hair...her skin like satin against my fingertips. Waking beside her...our bodies touching in some way...legs or feet maybe...or just an arm or hand...but always touching. Everywhere I go...most everything I do...triggers another memory. I met her three years ago...at a gas station of all places...and fell in love on the spot. Funny to think...I was 48...and she made me feel like a teenager with the butterflies and the anxiety and the yearning... I had never believed in love at first sight before...but now I believe... And now she's gone... And now all I feel is emptiness and rejection...the world is not my friend...and nothing any friends or family can do can replenish this total barren landscape that my heart has become...as the depths of despair overtake me...smother me... I love her so much...and did everything right...and she admits that. But she couldn't be happy in a healthy relationship...and I have been reduced to nothing but a rebound...emotionally spent and starving for affection...for connection...to anything...anybody...just to make it all go away... I ****ing hate this...
9Lives Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 This is a great post. I miss my man so bad. I am being strong but every mornng I wake up crying cause I have not talked to him or heard from him. I wish so bad that he would reach out to me. He left me so I wont go after him but I do miss him every day. I cant get my mind off him for long. I treated him so good and I wanted it to work. But it didnt. I feel like he is just gone and not even looking back. That probably is not true but in my mind it is killing me. I wonder why he has not tried to contact me. It has been so hard. I wont break nc but I cant wait until he calls to say hi. I love him and I did not want us to stop being together. It has been a hard road. I cant wait until I feel much better and the days are mines and not his anymore.
purpleplanet Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 the one thing that has helped me get through - instead of focusing on the good times, and obsessing about the mistakes I made - I shift my focus to those days where we were fighting with no end in sight. Those nights where I felt a million miles away, and just wished I was done with the constant arguing. When I thought to myself, this relationship is completely falling apart. Were those nights any better than the loneliness I feel now? No. They were not.
Crow9726 Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Wish it were that easy for me. We had no bad times. Never argued.
M3mphisSaint Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Wish it were that easy for me. We had no bad times. Never argued. what in the world happened then man?
Author fran82 Posted November 2, 2008 Author Posted November 2, 2008 thank you all for responding its almost a relief to talk to like minded people. i cant take another "there's plenty more fish in the sea" lol! crow, i understand exactly, its the barren empty void, that once was so full. thats the tough thing. how come you didn't have any bad times? i think that might make it harder? i actually ended things with my ex, after he told me he couldn't handle me moving closer (ldr). so i walked away, which was hard cuz we both still loved each other, that was 6 months and 1 day ago, not that im counting, just so happens to fall on what would've been our 4th anniversary. but, hey, what can ya do!......but 6 months on and i feel exactly the same as i did after 1 month, i've tried improving my life, and suceeded, but the loneliness doesn't go away. i try not to show it, but it's always there, everytime my best friend tells me about the latest in her wedding plans......everytime im invited to dinner and its full of couples.......everytime i see one of my friends whose asked me to do his wedding invitations for him and his fiance........everytime my sister hugs her husbands or kids........... it doesn't stop, i dont know how to get away from it i really do try to stay positive, set myself goals, i passed my driving test, but it doesnt go away 9lives, i hear ya! i wonder why he doesn't txt me, how does he find it so easy to forget me? does that mean he didn't love me at all? loving someone really can be quite cruel, can't it!? purple, i try so hard, to think of the bad stuff, but in truth the loneliness is worse, we weren't too bad at the end, just not right for each other at the time. i try to focus on the strength it took to do what i felt was right for me, but most of the time, it doesn't compensate for what im going through now. im so sorry to sound so entirely negative tonight folks! it seems to just be one of those weeks, nothing goes my way and that kinda thing, lol why is it, when life/work/family goes out of synch, every part of me automatically craves him, like he would make it better, then comes the missing him part, its like a vicious circle
Warm Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Wish it were that easy for me. We had no bad times. Never argued. +1 Thats the really hard part for me. 10th anniversary coming up in one month.
fabulousgal Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 I understand, everyone around me is getting engaged. I just keep getting broken up with. I feel like a jerk because I don't get happy about people getting married etc. I realized the other day I'm not being a good friend bc of my own issues..and I should be helping my friends/relatives celebrate and prepare for the happiest event of their lives. Not being a Debbie Downer. So, I will smile through it. Sigh.
Author fran82 Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 hey fab, maybe we can help each other through?! its not easy, i have to be a bridesmaid (3rd time!) and smiling through gritted teeth tires me out! i really am happy for my friends and family, but (call me selfish) i just want some of that for me! not even the weddings, just the happy part! so i hear ya! and im here for you if you're ever finding it too tough. *hug* warm, i'll give you a *hug* too, thats a big one 10 years, but you gotta keep your head up high (from my first post) i must put back together the pieces of my heart, but i 'll keep aside just one piece for the memory of you. i will go on with an open mind. i must walk forward, not knowingly, but bravely and with my head held high take care
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