it.girl.rag.doll Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Hi, I'm new to this but just needed to pose a few questions to people who may be able to help me out. Sorry if it's not totally coherent, I'm just typing as I think... I've been with my partner for over 5 years now. We are engaged and have recently moved in together. We get on really well together and love eachother very much. However, our sex life is appaling! It's strange, I find myself wanting sex all the time. I fantasize about sex all the time, yet when it comes to it I lose all confidence in myself. My partner has quite a high sex drive too and is always moaning at me 'cause we don't do it very often. It's not like I don't want to do it, some of the things that go through my mind are enough to drive any man wild, trust me! It's just when we got opportunity to actually do it something always seems to put me off... We've tried acting out some of our fantasies and they worked really well... but thats very occasional. When he starts being intimate in bed with me I just can't seem to get in the mood... but then I still feel disappointed at not doing it. I think one of the main reasons is that when we have done it recently it's been really arkward, or one of us (usually me) gets left with the job half done 'cause it takes me much longer to reach climax. My partner does try really hard but rarely lasts more than a few moments and while I try to tell him it's not a big deal I know deep down that it's driving me mad! I know this probably sounds rediculous, but even though I love him so much I'm desparate for some rough sex! (haha, sorry... just a little frustrated here!) I do try different things to help, but generally if I do anything that suggests I'm enjoying the experience he's come and I'm yet again left unsatisfied. Yet he still moans that I never appear to enjoy it... In many respects I couldn't wish for a better boyfriend and can't wait to spend my life with him... however, I don't know if I can really put up with this for the rest of my life.... I don't know what I should do. Any advice would be fantastic Em
CarrieT Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Well, for starters, you are lying to him by telling him it is no big deal when it is. If you can't be honest with him about your wants and needs, how do you expect to have a life-long partnership with him?
Author it.girl.rag.doll Posted October 28, 2008 Author Posted October 28, 2008 We do discuss the issue. And know that there are things we need to build on. I've told him about my thoughts and that our sex doesn't do anything for me... but how do you tell a guy he's no good in bed... he already know's it as it's blatently obvious. I dont' want to tell him he's bad 'cause I want to build his confidence so that hopefully he'll act more confident in bed instead of worrying about it so much which makes him hold back! I want him to be confident enough to enjoy sex rather than feeling bad about what he's doing which surely makes it worse.
norajane Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 You don't have to directly tell him he's bad, but you can tell him what you would like him to do and how. Give him pointers on oral, fingering, getting you in the mood, where you like to be touched and how, what feels good to you. Go online and pick out a vibrator together that you can play with together during sexcapades. And if he's finished that soon, maybe read up on Premature Ejaculation...
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 We do discuss the issue. And know that there are things we need to build on. I've told him about my thoughts and that our sex doesn't do anything for me... but how do you tell a guy he's no good in bed... he already know's it as it's blatently obvious. I dont' want to tell him he's bad 'cause I want to build his confidence so that hopefully he'll act more confident in bed instead of worrying about it so much which makes him hold back! I want him to be confident enough to enjoy sex rather than feeling bad about what he's doing which surely makes it worse. For the sake of those responding, I wish you would spell-out what the sexual issues are. Right now we can't understand CLEARLY whether the central problem is premature ejaculation or whether his efforts at giving you oral sex are just inadequate and what might as well be disinterested on his part. IF it is the oral sex part... then youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu need to take more responsibility for communicating just exactly how he can better please you. So much of the intimacy that you build will be ENHANCED by your having been so bold and so sincere as to instruct him directly on how to lick your bits. Does it seem too personal to you to sit/lay there naked with your legs splayed and point and touch and GUIDE both before and while his face is buried there? I sense that most women with boyfriends who are really effective at oral can much more easily deal with premature ejaculation, AND your exercises in this area could let him witness your intense physical pleasure offered via GOOD ORAL, and that may have a very positive effect on his lasting longer during intercourse. (this because you'll be more than just a single big ball of frustration) I know there are perhaps physical limits but if you alter your mental game plan I think you can change the playing field and the outlook considerably!
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