Raizin_Drop Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 How do I learn to ignore a boyfriend who is always trying to get a reaction out of me, by mentioning certain things he knows will annoy me. I find it hard to contain my upset and put it all to the back of my mind. For example, making comments about women on TV, not blatantly, but subtly, (in order to say later on that I was overreacting), or generally trying to get a reaction out of me by making me upset or to prove to himself that I love him. It really riles me up, and sometimes I feel like splitting up, because I’m not one for head games. Other than that, he’s great in most ways. I just don’t need the stress and the games. We’ve been together 2 years and he’s in his forties, if that matters. I just need to learn how to appear nonchalant and I find it very hard.
Lauriebell82 Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Have you tried talking to him about any of this? How do you know that he does these things on purpose to annoy you? I suggest you try to talk to him and flat out tell him that you are unhappy. Find out what his deal is, and if he is not willing to try and stop this upsetting behavior, then he's not really worth your time.
carhill Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t141862/ So, any changes? How does he react when you interact similarly with men?
Author Raizin_Drop Posted October 28, 2008 Author Posted October 28, 2008 Have you tried talking to him about any of this? How do you know that he does these things on purpose to annoy you? I suggest you try to talk to him and flat out tell him that you are unhappy. Find out what his deal is, and if he is not willing to try and stop this upsetting behavior, then he's not really worth your time. [FONT=Garamond][sIZE=3]I have spoken to him about this on numerous occasions, and all he does is deny that he is doing it and that i am looking too much into things. Or imagining it all. I know for a fact that im not wrong every time in the 2 years we have been together, but he denies that he is as trivial as that, and how could i possibly think he would stoop so low. Its just not part of his personality, he says. I know its not all in my head, and i told him i refuse to let him make me believe that. He's told me on few occasions that he loves attention, but then when i pull him up on it later, he denies he was serious and only joking. I just need a strategy to help me block it all out of my mind when situations like this arise. x[/sIZE][/FONT]
Author Raizin_Drop Posted October 28, 2008 Author Posted October 28, 2008 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t141862/ So, any changes? How does he react when you interact similarly with men? The thing about it, i am not like that with other men. But when i do tell him of my admirers, sometimes I can tell he doesn't like it , but he will never make it appear obvious. Ever. He hides it very well. Ive practically stopped watching movies with him, in order not to go through what i previously have. And we frequent the same restaurant, as we love the people and food there, hence the waitress problem kinda solved. But the mind games still go on, and i know im not imagining it, being together 2 years...i was just interested in a strategy to overcome the annoyance when these situation arise...x
carhill Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 One way to understand the dynamic is to be "friendly" yourself. This serves two purposes. First, it allows you to feel the dynamic of being friendly with men but not being disrespectful of the relationship. IOW, it can be a version of putting yourself in your BF's shoes. Secondly, it allows him to observe the dynamic from your perspective, so he can better empathize with you when you share such concerns. Try it, then talk with him about it. See such interactions as positive
stillafool Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 how old are you? I hate guys like that. The best way to deal with him is to be even more aloof to his actions. If he is that insecure I would let him roll with it. Just laugh it off as if you don't give a damn what he does. Whatever you do don't reward him for acting childish. If he wants to know how you feel about him make him be man enough to ask.
Author Raizin_Drop Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 how old are you? I hate guys like that. The best way to deal with him is to be even more aloof to his actions. If he is that insecure I would let him roll with it. Just laugh it off as if you don't give a damn what he does. Whatever you do don't reward him for acting childish. If he wants to know how you feel about him make him be man enough to ask. Im 38 and he is in his forties. I agree with trying to act aloof. I was given info on another site just to tune his words out like noise and act as though i didn't even hear what he said.....and practice my poker face whilst doing it:). So im going to give that a go and see whether it works . Actually, i was able to put it in practice yesterday when i saw him, and his reaction, as i was warned, was to attempt to test me more and become more outrageous. He didnt go as far as becoming more outrageous (not yet, anyway) but he did go that little bit further than he normally would, and i reckon i did well by acting like i really didnt give a damn..just hope i can keep it up
stillafool Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Yeah, let us know how it works out. Guys like that cannot stand to be ignored and he will act up more for a while. You are driving him crazy. Don't be surprised if he proposes.
muse08 Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 good for you! it's obvious that he CRAVES attention, like a kid almost. what i've come to realize is that the more aloof we are, the more they try to test us. i've been accused of being very cavalier and aloof. guys try to test me all the time. perhaps we should treat them like little boys..."awww, good boy", "wow, look at you...you ate all your food", "wow you're the most finest, sexiest man in this room so don't worry about any other men who may be more attractive or confident than you...", lol. seriously though, i feel like i almost have to do this with some guys. otherwise they act out and/or act like high school 'boys'.btw, i'm 33.
Author Raizin_Drop Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 what I've come to realize is that the more aloof we are, the more they try to test us. So true, and also, very pathetic. I think ive been doing an ok job attempting to acting aloof since i first made this post, but i get the feeling that he thinks that i dont care about him or that I've lost interest. He said he doesn't feel loved. Well, karma is a b**ch, i guess..
stillafool Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 That's exactly what they will think. You don't care about them or worse that you don't need them. That's what you have to be careful of if you want this guy. I've lost guys because I'm naturally aloof and later was told by them that they always felt they weren't needed. Men need to feel needed. I just got tired of the childish games to get attention.
You'reasian Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 How do I learn to ignore a boyfriend who is always trying to get a reaction out of me, by mentioning certain things he knows will annoy me. I find it hard to contain my upset and put it all to the back of my mind. For example, making comments about women on TV, not blatantly, but subtly, (in order to say later on that I was overreacting), or generally trying to get a reaction out of me by making me upset or to prove to himself that I love him. It really riles me up, and sometimes I feel like splitting up, because I’m not one for head games. Other than that, he’s great in most ways. I just don’t need the stress and the games. We’ve been together 2 years and he’s in his forties, if that matters. I just need to learn how to appear nonchalant and I find it very hard. About making comments about women on T.V., you know its perfectly normal for men to check out women they think are attractive (and vice versa). Even females on this board agree.
Author Raizin_Drop Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 I also find a few actors attractive, but i don't feel the need to point it out to him every time. He knows how i feel about it, and we have spoken about it, but he continued to do so, and im really not going to accept it, especially after he knows how it makes me feel. x
Author Raizin_Drop Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 That's exactly what they will think. You don't care about them or worse that you don't need them. That's what you have to be careful of if you want this guy. I've lost guys because I'm naturally aloof and later was told by them that they always felt they weren't needed. Men need to feel needed. I just got tired of the childish games to get attention. I agree. I mean, i dont really want to lose him, but im not going to allow him to make me feel as though im being paranoid either, as he often claims i am. He thinks that everything is "all in my mind". Ooooookay. He does treat me well otherwise, that's why im trying to make it work. I wished that i could be naturally aloof. I know some may say it wouldn't be appropraite within a relationship, but right now that's how i feel.x
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