midlifecrazy Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Ok, I'm back again after a long absence from LS. Was going to check on my ol' pal Ditherer but I see he's been off for a long time too and left in much the same way I did. To update without dragging up the whole story (have to read the old posts if you get that interested). As some predicted I am still with my wife. She still suffers from bouts of depression which she won't seek treatment for, though they don't seem to be as deep as they were there for awhile, and I never did give her an ultimatum about getting treated. Our marriage has become virtually sexless, (every 3 months or so, maybe why she's not so depressed anymore), and mostly emotionless and lacking intimacy. Our kids are raised and out of the house. Why do I stay? Lots of factors, for the good of the extended family, as a point of honor, because it's easier, (and most likely cheaper), but the main reason is I know she can't help the way she is. While there are limits to what I will put up with, she seems to know these and doesn't push them too often. I know she can't help herself beause of a note I found recently(don't know when it was written) where she described her feelings and it was heartbreaking. I could never desert her and add to the bad feelings she described. Now that I've nominated myself for sainthood, let me knock that right down.You can go ahead and get your sticks and stones, brickbats and boiling oil ready. My "Dream Girl" (see earlier posts) flirtation has come roaring back with a passion and I find myself loving it. I had not seen her for some time but the other day I had to go to her workplace. I saw her in the distance and noticed her looking at me. We were both busy and when I looked her way again she had taken off her sweater and was glancing at me again. She was tied up and I had to leave so that was that. Mean anything? maybe, maybe not. Then today I ran into her again in passing, this time in my stomping grounds. As I said I haven't seen her over here for sometime. We were both rushing in different directions again but were much closer . I said "hi" and she gave me a beautiful smile. Her face actually seemed to light up and I would almost swear I saw the "eyebrow flash" that you're supposed to see when someone is attracted to you. So that's that, much ado about nothing? Maybe so. But to me it feels as if we've taken up the flirtation dance again. And it makes me feel very good to think that a beautiful woman is interested in me. So if we leave it simply as an innocent flirtation and it makes us feel good, is that so bad?
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 After reviewing your threads, I can only say this: You made an effort, she didn't. She still doesn't. Why? Because she knows you aren't going anywhere, and if you get it in your mind to do so all she has to do is threaten suicide again. It sounds harsh, but what I would do... After yet another conversation like this one: "I'm not happy" me "That's your problem. I am." she "I don't feel like you care about me",me "I don't know what to do about that" she "You're not meeting my needs",me "Then you better find somebody who can", she. I'd say... "Well, I have found someone who makes me feel alive again and I intend to explore that. We can stay married if you want, but it will be on paper only. I will continue to do family obligations and home obligations, but since you rejected my heart and my body I will be giving that to someone else. If you want a divorce, then we need to go ahead and call a lawyer. If not, then we need to go to separate bedrooms and live as roommates only." If she threatens suicide, call 911 and have her involuntarily committed. She needs help that you can't give her, and you have needs that she can't and won't fulfill. You can't accomplish anything by sneaking around and making an affair out of this. If your W finds out, sexless or no - she will blow her top and things will get unnecessarily ugly. Betty Broderick ugly. May as well lay your cards out now and be completely open and honest. You can't live the rest of your life in this dead marriage. At the very least, create an honest door you can walk out of, if you can't dismantle the marriage entirely.
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